How can I accept someone with a past?

Question

Dear Gramps,

Hi.   I just recently returned from my mission. I have this girl which is a good friend of mine and is a member of the Church. I really like her and I’m comfortable with her.  Recently she told me that she had committed immorality when I was serving a mission. She said that she has already confessed it and has gone through the repentance process. She is now about to serve a mission. We are planning to be together after her mission. My mind has been thinking about how I could accept her even though she has done those things. Knowing you as a person of great wisdom, I wanted to seek advice from you.

Anonymous

Answer

Anonymous,

The girl in question has repented and has become clean through the atonement of Christ on this issue. She is dedicating her life to the Lord for the next little while through missionary service. From the very brief details you have given, it seems like all is right with this girl.

So lets turn to you. Marriage is a choice with profound and far reaching impacts. Every person comes with a past, with family, and with personality quirks that you will have no power to change. So you need to be able to love your choice with all your heart, and accept the past for what it is (the past).

This can be hard, I know of some guys who ended up seriously damaging their marriage because they dwell on their wife’s past more then she does, and they let all kinds of little things drive them back there. And I will tell you flat out your future wife deserves much better then that.

So you have some time while she is serving. During that time I would recommend that you study the scriptures and pray to see her like Christ sees her. If by the time she gets back you can consider her past to be irrelevant to your future together then move forward with the idea of marrying her (assuming everything else is also good). But if you can’t, if after all that study and prayer you know that it is a big deal for you then step out of the way. Because then you will have learned that it is a deal breaker for you and you need to let her find someone that can deal with it, while you look for someone else.

Gramps