Why isn’t the Mormon Church holding my ex-husband accountable for his recreant actions?

Posted on February 6, 2008 at 7:36 am

Divorce

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Dear Gramps:
I am in the process of a divorce I didn’t want. My husband and I were together for 15 years, and married 10 years ago in the temple. I found out that he had been unfaithful, and then he stopped going to church and disregarded the Word of Wisdom entirely. Despite his terrible choices, I tried to repair the marriage, and would have forgiven him and stayed with him, if only for the kids’ sake.
He filed for the divorce unexpectedly, and refused counseling. I am now raising my kids on my own, with little financial assistance from him, and he rarely sees the kids (that’s his choice).
My question is this: why isn’t the Mormon Church holding him accountable for his actions? Our bishop “hasn’t been able to reach him,” and said he has discussed the issue with the stake president, but it seems that they have decided to just ignore the issue. Is it my place to contact the Bishop to request that he follow through with disciplinary action towards my (almost) ex-husband?
Anne, from Salt Lake City

Dear Anne,
By the tone of your letter it would seem to me that you are more interested in carrying out revenge than assuring that justice is done. Apparently you want the Mormon Church to hold a disciplinary council and excommunicate your ex-husband. It would seem that he has already done that himself. If the bishop cannot get in touch with him you can be sure that he is not actively participating in some other ward. Since he has violated the marriage covenant he is no longer a candidate for resurrection into the celestial kingdom, so whatever he does in this life will have no connection with you if you remain faithful. Let’s say he claimed repentance from his prior actions, returned to activity in the Church and wanted to be sealed to his new wife. You would have to be contacted and your story heard before any action permitting his being sealed again could be given any consideration.
If you maintained your own faithfulness, and did the best you could with the circumstances that you are now in, you would be blessed by the Lord for your righteousness and faithfulness, and every blessing pronounced upon you in the temple would be honored in the eternities–nothing would be lost. This matter, as is all else, is in the Lord’s hands. He is a righteous judge; your ex-husband will gain nothing that he does not deserve, and you will lose nothing that you do deserve. I would suggest that you that you get your ex-husband and any feelings of bitterness for him out of your mind and concentrate on the present and on maintaining your own worthiness before the Lord.
Gramps

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Why isn't the Mormon Church holding my ex-husband accountable for his recreant actions? - Ask Gramps - Q and A about Mormon Doctrine
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I am in the process of a divorce I didn’t want. My husband and I were together for 15 years, and married 10 years ago in the temple. I found out that he had been unfaithful, and then he stopped going to church and disregarded the Word of Wisdom entirely.

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