Dear Gramps,
I have a female friend that will take her daughters to someone elses home and then she will spend the night at a single mans house. She claims that nothing is going on but this happens sometimes 2 to 3 times or more a week. I know she has her free agency, but should I just not do anything or say anything? She holds a temple recomend but
does not wear her temple garments either. This bothers me for there are several young girls in the church that she invites to spend the night with her daughter but leaves them and her daughter at someone elses house and they all know where she is going. I have a hard time dealing with this and feel that I need your advice.
Thanks,
Morris
Dear Morris,
This is a difficult situation as we don’t want to be the one that confronts someone or be the one to tell on someone. What makes this situation of major concern is that others, especially young women, are being influenced in a negative way.
We need to avoid the mere appearance of evil. The apostle Paul in writing to the Thessalonian members counseled them: “22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5: 22) There are too many members of the Church who have a tendency to live on the edge. In his address in the October 1995 Conference, President Faust gave the following counsel: “Staying away from the edge is an individual responsibility. Occasionally you want every detail of appropriate and inappropriate conduct to be specified, perhaps so you can feel comfortable in getting closer to the edge. You sometimes seem more concerned with what the gospel prohibits than what it gives. For instance, some young adults were surprised when they learned that it was inappropriate for mixed young single adult groups to be involved together in overnight activities. They said, “Why hasn’t the prophet told us?” The Church counsel in this matter has been clear for many years. It should not have been necessary to tell these young people to avoid the appearance of evil. My strong advice is, if there is any question about your personal conduct, don’t do it. It is the responsibility of prophets to teach the word of God—not to spell out every jot and tittle of human behavior. Our moral agency requires us to know good from evil and choose the good. If we are trying to avoid, not only evil, but the very appearance of evil, we will act for ourselves and not be acted upon.”
The fact that you are concerned and feel that it is inappropriate indicates that there is the appearance of evil. When you see someone coming out of a bar your first thought is that they are drinking. It doesn’t matter that they might have gone in there to listen to the entertainment or just to meet someone. Our actions will have an effect on others who might be investigating the Church or who may not have a strong testimony of the Gospel. We will be held responsibile for our actions and the effect they have on others.
We need to protect the youth of the Church as they are at a very vulnerable stage of their lives. There are so many negative influences in their lives, that they need only positive one in their homes and with member of the Church. The leaders of the Church have counseled us as parents to be mindful of the activities that are youth are involved in. We need to be careful of the movies they watch, the amount of time on the internet and the sites they are visiting. To have them exposed directly to inappropriate activities, and as you expressed they know what is going on, can have a very negative effect of them. You should approach the individual involved and express to them your concerns and tell them that if it continues you will need to advise their Priesthood leader on what is happening.
Gramps
