Gramps,

Will I be going against the Church if I support someone who is gay?

Polly

Answer

Polly,

First, it’s important to understand the doctrine and policies of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints regarding LGBTQ+ individuals. The Church teaches that all people are children of God, deserving of love, respect, and dignity—regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. However, its doctrinal position is clear about marriage and sexual relations:

Marriage is between a man and a woman and is ordained by God. Sexual relations are sacred and properly take place between a married man and woman… Therefore, in the eyes of the Church, homosexual marriage is not valid, and two individuals of the same gender are committing fornication if they engage in sexual relations, even if they are civilly married. So homosexual sexual activity, like unmarried heterosexual activity, is considered sinful in the eyes of the Church.

Yet, there is a critical distinction: Inclinations or orientation are not sins; it is the sexual activity outside of marriage between a man and a woman that is considered to be against Church teachings. As President Gordon B. Hinckley summarized:

“We love them [gays and lesbians] as sons and daughters of God. They may have certain powerful inclinations that are difficult to control… If they do not act upon these inclinations, then they can go forward as do all other members of the Church.”

This doctrinal position shapes all other policies and practices—but does not diminish the call to love, minister, and include.

On the question of same-sex marriage, Church leaders have reaffirmed support for traditional marriage, while also insisting on kindness and understanding towards all people.

On the question of same-sex marriage, the Church has been consistent in its support of traditional marriage while teaching that all people should be treated with kindness and understanding…. If it is being suggested that the Church’s doctrine on this matter is changing, that is incorrect.

Leaders such as Elder Dallin H. Oaks have taught that, while laws may change societal norms, “laws legalizing so-called ‘same-sex marriage’ do not change God’s law of marriage or His commandments and our standards concerning it.” Still, leaders repeatedly encourage parents and members to respond with both conviction and charity when interacting with LGBTQ+ family and friends.

Many Latter-day Saints grapple with practical questions: Can I invite my LGBTQ child and their partner to dinner? Attend their wedding? How do I balance love and doctrinal loyalty?

The answer, echoed by scripture and Church leaders, is that Jesus Christ modeled both truth and love—and He never advocated shunning or exclusion. Elder David B. Haight taught:

“There were strong social barriers among the Jews at the time of Christ, yet the Savior mingled freely among the publicans and sinners… Christ rebuked their unkindliness, saying, ‘They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick.’ (Matt. 9:12) The Savior was very clear that not allowing ‘sinners’ to be guests in our houses is unkind. We should remember that sinners come in many varieties. If we turn ‘sinners’ away from our table, we might find ourselves turned away from the Savior’s table.”

As Elder M. Russell Ballard specifically taught:

“Your love for that person as a son or daughter of God can create an inward struggle as you try to love and support him or her and still stand for the Lord’s eternal plan of happiness…. The Church does not teach or advocate shunning or other unchristian-like actions.”

When it comes to major milestones like attending a same-sex wedding, the Church does not prescribe one-size-fits-all guidance. Instead, leaders emphasize personal prayer, conscience, and the importance of kindness.

The proper step with regard to your questions would be for a mother and father to humbly kneel before the Lord to determine how they might, in love, kindness, and compassion, continue to support their children without supporting what they know to be iniquitous before the Lord.

The key is to seek inspiration, maintain unity and civility in the family, and not conflate affirmation of a loved one’s identity with endorsement of all life choices.

Church leaders draw a distinction between loving the individual and endorsing every behavior. Families are counseled to accept individuals without necessarily accepting all behaviors, just as one might love a family member struggling with addiction while setting appropriate boundaries in the home.

Crucially, the overarching message is clear: Jesus Christ commanded us to love our neighbors…. Family members with same-sex attraction need our love and understanding. God loves all his children alike, much more than any of us can comprehend, and expects us to follow.

Practical steps for supporting LGBTQ+ members go beyond policy. They require empathy, listening, and real inclusion. Stories and testimonies make clear that one’s church experience as an LGBTQ+ member can hinge on the climate set by local Saints:

Homosexuality is a sensitive and complex issue… Believing Latter-day Saints who experience same-sex attraction often feel caught in between two worlds—the Latter-day Saint community which, while most often well-intentioned, can say insensitive or hurtful things, and the LGBT-identified community which will often judge them as not being ‘true to themselves.

Ways to build trust and support include:

• Listening without judgment: Let individuals set the tone when they come out.
• Expressing gratitude for trust: Each time a person opens up, it is an emotional risk.
• Willingness to learn: Ask if you’ve said anything insensitive and listen if you have.

LGBTQ+ members consistently express that positive reactions, active listening, and sincere inclusion are empowering. Even if we don’t understand what our friends are going through, we can still be a safe place for them. Doing so will help them embrace and love who they really are.

The Church’s compassionate posture is not only theoretical. It has put its teachings into public action:

• Support for balanced anti-discrimination laws: In Utah, the Church advocated for “the Utah compromise”—banning discrimination against LGBTQ+ people in housing and employment while protecting religious freedom.
• Denunciation of intolerance and racism: The Church has condemned white supremacy and racism, reaffirming the equal worth of all souls.

Mental health, especially among LGBTQ+ Latter-day Saints, is another area where support and inclusion are essential. Studies show varying outcomes, but church involvement has not been conclusively tied to higher suicide rates among LGBTQ+ individuals, and some data even suggest lower rates among those who feel included in their faith communities. The takeaway: The emotional climate set by members matters. Shame and exclusion hurt; inclusion and love heal.

Suicidality is most often informed by multiple overlapping causes, so framing suicide as a reaction to a single factor can be harmful. As we strive to make church and the gospel accommodating and warm for all of God’s children, we don’t want to reduce or minimize the lived experience of LGBTQ+ members, including being reductive in how we talk about the intersection of mental health, orientation, and faith.

What can we and others do?

Listen to them and let them set the tone… they’re the ones taking the greatest risk here, so do your best to help them feel comfortable.

Love everyone unconditionally. No matter a person’s lifestyle choices or how they decide to conduct themselves, love them. The Lord does, and there is no appropriate reason not to.

Many straight Latter-day Saints may not realize that being gay is not a sin. However, acting on those feelings is [according to church doctrine]. The challenge is for members to trust that even though it may not be readily apparent to you how you may fit into the Plan of Salvation now, all truths will be revealed to us eventually. Until then, hold to the rod.

We just need to be patient. …In the LGBT community, we need to learn how to listen and let others kind of make mistakes and say the wrong things, and we need to learn how to teach. We need to learn how to instruct and share and not shame others for making mistakes, for trying to talk about it, and not saying things the right way.

As you wrestle with these questions in your own family or ward, let your efforts be guided by prayer, humility, and the pattern of the Savior, who loved and ministered to all without exception.

Gramps

Gramps,

My brother, a former bishop, recently spoke to us about his daughter, who came out as gay a few years ago. He and his wife have quit wearing their garments and attending the temple, saying they leave there in tears each time because they don’t know where their daughter fits in. He still has a testimony of Jesus Christ, but that’s the extent of his testimony right now. The question he posed is: Why does God make someone gay and then turn around and call it a sin?

Thanks for your time,

Angela

Answer

Angela,

I want to start right off the bat with a clarification regarding the question about why God makes someone gay.  The Church has never taken or taught this position. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) has no official stance on the precise causes of same-sex attraction but teaches that individuals do not choose to have these feelings. The attraction itself is not considered a sin, but acting on it is, in accordance with their law of chastity. 

In a world that feels increasingly divided along moral and cultural lines, what does the Church actually teach about homosexuality and the final judgment? Is it possible to be gay and faithful? How does doctrine balance justice, mercy, and inclusivity? Let’s thoughtfully unpack these questions by examining doctrine, policy, and, most importantly, the overarching message of hope that the gospel of Jesus Christ offers to all.

The cornerstone of understanding homosexuality within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints lies in the crucial distinction between experiencing same-sex attraction and acting on those feelings. This distinction is explicitly taught by Church leaders and echoed throughout modern commentary on doctrine.

Church leaders consistently affirm that feeling attraction toward members of the same sex is not in itself sinful. Temptation, in its various forms, is an inescapable part of the human condition, and experiencing these feelings is neither a moral failure nor a cause for shame. Being gay is not a sin. However, acting on those feelings is.

What, then, constitutes a sin? According to the law of chastity, sexual relations are ordained of God to take place only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. Any sexual relationship outside of this pattern—including homosexual behavior—falls outside of God’s established boundaries.

No one is born immune to temptation. Just as some may struggle with pride or anger, others face sexual temptations. The vital gospel principle is not whether we are ever tempted, but how we respond. Christ Himself faced temptations yet remained sinless. Our task is to resist temptation, and when we fall short (as we all do), to repent, strive to do better, and seek the grace of Jesus Christ.

As the doctrine makes clear, repentance is available to all—regardless of which commandments they struggle to keep. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is all-encompassing, making it possible for every honest soul to return, to change, and to be made whole.

One of the most heartfelt challenges shared by many LGBTQ members of the Church is the struggle with loneliness and the prospect of celibacy. Is it fair, some wonder, to ask those who experience same-sex attraction to remain single for their entire earthly lives? Does God want anyone to be alone or left out?

For those facing such deeply personal challenges, the Church’s teachings acknowledge the pain and difficulty that accompany them. Leaders and fellow members are encouraged to respond with empathy and love, not with hollow platitudes or quick solutions. The pain is real—yet so is divine love and the hope of eventual peace. One Church member who experienced the journey themselves shared:

“Christ can and will take all of our sorrows, all of our pain, and turn it into joy and peace in the next life. I believe that whatever we have experienced here, we will say, ‘It was all worth it.”

During those seasons when the burden feels impossible, the advice is to lean on the Savior daily—even, if necessary, hour by hour. Members are counseled to support one another—not by condoning sin or lowering standards, but by offering real friendship, compassion, and understanding.

The Old and New Testaments, as well as modern revelation, are replete with stories of individuals called to make unique sacrifices. For Latter-day Saints, living the law of chastity—no matter what form of temptation is most acute—is one of the clearest expressions of loyalty to God. For those with same-sex attraction, this invariably means a life of celibacy if they are to remain in good standing with the teachings of the Church.

However, the doctrine affirms that no righteous sacrifice goes unnoticed. The Lord’s promise is of compensatory joy—now or hereafter—for all who choose Him in the face of real adversity. Rather than seeing this requirement as a cruel restriction, Church teachings openly recognize the cost while holding out the hope of God’s perfect justice and mercy.

Perhaps the most pressing concern for many is what eternal consequence, if any, same-sex attraction or homosexual behavior might have. Do gay people “go to hell”? Is there room for LGBTQ members in God’s eternal plan? The Church’s doctrine provides clarity—and, perhaps surprisingly to some, reassurance.

If a person experiences same-sex attraction but strives to live according to gospel standards—exercising faith, repenting, and relying on the grace of Christ—they can receive the highest reward the gospel offers: the celestial kingdom. The determining factor is not the type of temptation, but whether one chooses repentance and faithfulness, relying on the Savior’s atonement.

As for those who struggle to keep the commandments but continue to repent and seek forgiveness, the doctrine reconfirms that God judges justly and mercifully, “according to the desire of [our] hearts.” The only truly lost are those who knowingly, willfully, and completely reject Christ after receiving a perfect knowledge of Him—a category that applies to almost no one.

Beyond all questions of theological policy, the central commandment remains: *love one another*. In practice, this means refraining from judging others, creating space for their struggles, and seeking to understand before attempting to correct.

The Church’s doctrine does not minimize the real and difficult experiences of LGBTQ members. The imperative to love applies regardless of whether we understand or agree with every choice another person makes. There is no need to understand to love. A gay person is not, as some might misunderstand, a “broken straight person.’

Finally, the doctrine reminds us that no one is beyond the reach of God’s love or the possibility of return. Even those who have stepped away due to inability or unwillingness to keep some commandments are still fierce recipients of Christ’s compassion.

Welcoming all is not an optional extra of the gospel: it is the gospel. The burden falls not just on individuals with same-sex attraction, but on every member to support, uplift, and love in a Christlike way.

To read more about the Church’s position on this: Same-Sex Attraction.

 Gramps

Gramps,

If what the LDS Church teaches is true and the members really believe it, then why is there such a lukewarm response by the church and its members to both abortion and homosexuality? Abortion denies spirit brothers/sisters the opportunity of living mortal lives and homosexuality hinders the procreation of human bodies of spirits waiting on bodies. These two things seem to me to be two of the greatest tools of Satan to hinder the Kingdom of God.

Anonymous

Answer

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your question. Perhaps a quick observation and then I’ll follow up with some specific thoughts related to your question.

I’m going to ‘assume’ by your choice of words that you are not a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Non-members often tend to say  things like, “the LDS Church”… “and its members”. I’ll note that Ask Gramps welcomes all questions whether they originate from a member of the Church or not. So again, thank you for your question. I mention this non-member observation simply because, at times, outsiders may only peek through a single pane in our window and prematurely judge us without trying to see the full picture. I commend you for inquiring further to expand your field of vision.

Your choice in words, “then why is there such a lukewarm response by the church” appears to herald from Revelations 3:15-16

15 I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.

 

16 So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.

As presented in this scripture, if an individual is or acts in a lukewarm gospel manner, they are essentially undesirable before the Lord. Lukewarm is closer to the middle ground between hot and cold. Lukewarm has often been compared to being a fence sitter, or safely sitting in the middle, not choosing or fighting for a single side. I’m sorry that you feel as a church we are not ‘hot’ enough for your liking when it comes to our position regarding abortion and homosexuality.

Ultimately, everyone is entitled to their opinion, but fortunately it is the opinion of the Lord in the end which matters most. It is our belief that the Savior is the actual head of his Church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe that he literally guides and directs his church. We believe that through his prophets he guides the policies, doctrine and tone of his Church. The current official actions or inaction of the Church ultimately stem from the will of the Lord.

As you observe who we officially are, as it relates to abortion or homosexuality, you are actually seeing the cold, hot or lukewarm stance of the Savior at this time. Lets briefly talk about Abortion for the moment. The Church shares the following in, The Family: A Proclamation to the World:

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny… We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God’s eternal plan.

Then Handbook 2, an official handbook for the Church we read:

Abortion

The Lord commanded, “Thou shalt not … kill, nor do anything like unto it” (Doctrine and Covenants 59:6). The Church opposes elective abortion for personal or social convenience. Members must not submit to, perform, arrange for, pay for, consent to, or encourage an abortion. The only possible exceptions are when:

1.  Pregnancy resulted from forcible rape or incest.
2. A competent physician determines that the life or health of the mother is in serious jeopardy.
3. A competent physician determines that the fetus has severe defects that will not allow the baby to survive beyond birth.

Even these exceptions do not justify abortion automatically. Abortion is a most serious matter and should be considered only after the persons responsible have consulted with their bishops and received divine confirmation through prayer.

 

Church members who submit to, perform, arrange for, pay for, consent to, or encourage an abortion may be subject to Church discipline.

 

As far as has been revealed, a person may repent and be forgiven for the sin of abortion.

As a faithful member of the Church, the above guidelines are not only abundantly clear, but nothing about them strikes me as lukewarm. The Lord has given us his position and we should do our best to follow it. If someone feels the above position is too ‘lukewarm’ for their liking, then that is a question they are welcome to take up with the Lord.

Trying to push the mark even hotter or further than the Lord directs is not only unnecessary, it is not in harmony with the gospel.
I would like to point out some notable items that were not found in the above abortion guidance:
1. The need to permanently shame, shun or outcast individuals involved with abortions
2. The need to threaten or inflict emotional or physical harm upon those who perform abortions
3. The need to destroy property belonging to those who perform abortions
etc.

Again, I would not advise that individuals try seeing past the mark that the Lord has established. Instead, hopefully what observers see as they look through the window at the Church, are clearly defined expectations that allow individuals to successfully follow God while both maintaining high standards and expressing love for their fellow man.

Thank you again for your question.

Gramps

Dear Gramps,

I need your help and I haven’t been to church in years.  First, let me say that I’m very sorry that I feel this way but I’m very angry and bitter with Heavenly Father. I’m a homosexual. I didn’t ask for these feelings, yet I feel like I’ve been cursed and condemned without any say in the matter. I feel like Heavenly Father allowed me to be this way and at the same time condemned me to a life of loneliness and misery. I don’t know what to do.

Drew

Answer

Greetings Drew,

Thank you for your question and for your honesty.

I remember, when I was young, I had a bishop who was teaching my class one Sunday.  During this class, he was talking about the importance of prayer.  He told me and my class that establishing consistent honest communication with Heavenly Father is just about the most important thing you can do in this life.  He then said something that surprised me – he said, if we ever find ourselves angry with Heavenly Father, we should pray and honestly say, “Heavenly Father, I am mad at you” and just sincerely communicate with Heavenly Father as to how we feel.  He advised us to just keep the lines of communication open, be sincere, and be willing to listen to what Heavenly Father may communicate in return.

The fact of the matter is, spirituality begins with prayer.  It is through prayer that we can receive guidance and understanding from a Heavenly Father who really is all-wise and all-loving.  It is through prayer that we can get the strength to do the things we need to do and get to where we need to go.  Most importantly, it is through prayer that we can develop an understanding and closeness to Heavenly Father that will enrich our entire lives.  See Handbook for Families, Teaching Children about Prayer.

Now that I am an old man, I see the wisdom in my bishop’s advice.  The truth is, I honestly don’t understand why Heavenly Father allows some things to go on in this world.  However, I know He loves us very much, so much that He “gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  John 3:16.  I also know that, through prayer, we can develop a certain closeness with Heavenly Father.  Even though I still do not understand everything about how Heavenly Father works, through prayer I have developed a trust and faith in Him.  More importantly, I have found a soothing inner peace that enables me to confront the challenges I face as part of this life.

I offer you the same advice my bishop offered me all those years ago: just go to Heavenly Father, in prayer, today.  Kneel down and sincerely pour your heart out to Him.  Be just as honest as you were in your inquiry about your feelings and your frustrations.  Just intently pray and be willing to listen back.  I promise you, if you keep on doing this regularly and seeking out Heavenly Father, you will come to a better understanding and relationship with Him, and you will find peace with Him.  You will come to a knowledge that He really does love us very much and He really does care for us; this is the most comforting knowledge you can ever obtain.  Be willing to listen and let Him guide you from there.

Thank you again for your question and your honesty.

Gramps

Hello Gramps,

I have a question that is very important to me and I cannot find the answer. I am a returned missionary, temple-married mother and wife who is active and faithful in the gospel and temple worthy. I am also gay.  It is a constant struggle in my marriage and my life. It is a core part of who I am and does not change with any amount of prayer, fasting and obedience. My question is : Will I still experience same sex attraction after the resurrection?  Many thanks.

Kel

Answer

Hi Kel,

I want to start off by stating that it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job.  You have shown remarkable faith and courage in setting aside temptation and becoming an active, temple-worthy mother.  I think it is safe to say that the Lord loves you very much and is very proud of you.

As for your question, I went looking for a conference talk from a General Authority regarding healing from same sex attraction in the next life.  I wound up finding something even better.

In the Eternal Marriage Student Manual,  there is a chapter on Same-Gender Attraction.  Much of the chapter is taken from an old Ensign article written by Elder Dallin H. Oaks.  In that chapter, Elder Oaks recognizes that “All of us have some feelings we did not choose”.  He then states that “God has promised that he will consecrate our afflictions for our gain (see 2 Ne. 2:2).  The efforts we expend in overcoming any inherited [or developed] weakness builds a spiritual strength that will serve us throughout eternity.  Thus, when Paul prayed thrice that his ‘thorn in the flesh’ would depart from him, the Lord replied, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.'”  In other words, not only will the Lord help us overcome feelings such as same sex attraction in either this life or the next, but, if we let him, he will turn this affliction into strength that will serve us throughout all eternity!

The Lord loves you very much, more than you can ever imagine.  Have faith, and keep doing such a great job, and in either this life or the next life, the Lord will heal you.

Gramps

Gramps,

When we do family history work for our family and come to a family member’s name that has entered into a legally recognized same-gender marriage, do we make any attempt to record that information? (realizing that it is more common that there may be children of these unions through adoption or surrogate parenting)

Going forward, and after the required amount of time following death, could proxy temple ordinances be performed for each individual of the relationship including baptism and confirmation as well as the Initiatory and Endowment?  Could they still each be sealed to their own parents, biological children and siblings?

Shane

Answer

Dear Shane,

When we talk of “family history” work, I think it’s helpful to remember that this involves much more than just dates and places.  It involves capturing a part of an ancestor’s personality and achievements and challenges, and preserving all of that for future generations.  For the sake of making a complete record, a family may wish to record a same-gender legal union in its own records.

With regard to proxy temple sealings:  You have probably noticed that FamilySearch is not configured to record a marriage between two persons of the same gender; and parent-child sealings in the temple are done between a child and two parents of opposite genders.  This reflects the Proclamation on the Family’s teaching that “Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity”.

As you are probably aware, the Church teaches that any sexual misconduct–especially homosexual experiences–is a serious sin and a major obstacle to eternal progress; for homosexual unions cannot yield eternal increase and are not sanctioned by the Lord.  But as with other sins, the prospect for repentance does exist; and I am not aware of any church policy that would bar a deceased gay person from receiving temple ordinances by proxy–up to and including being sealed to any opposite-gender spouse the person may have had in life, and to any children born of an opposite-gender union.

Gramps

Gramps,

What is the doctrine on homosexuality and the final judgement?

Rayna

Answer

Rayna,

This is a very loaded and topical question.  I am going to do my best to answer, knowing that a lot of people are going to respond emotionally and not want to hear what I have to say.

Lets start with this quote from our Church leaders:  Church Instructs Leaders on Same-Sex Marriage

Changes in the civil law do not, indeed cannot, change the moral law that God has established. God expects us to uphold and keep His commandments regardless of divergent opinions or trends in society. His law of chastity is clear: sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. We urge you to review and teach Church members the doctrine contained in “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.”

 

Just as those who promote same-sex marriage are entitled to civility, the same is true for those who oppose it. The Church insists on its leaders’ and members’ constitutionally protected right to express and advocate religious convictions on marriage, family, and morality free from retaliation or retribution. The Church is also entitled to maintain its standards of moral conduct and good standing for members.

First we have to recognize the difference between homosexual attraction which is a temptation, and a homosexual action which is to act on the temptation.  Such action is a sin.

This whole world is full of temptations, being tempted is a part of this life’s experiences (even if we don’t all experience the same temptation).  Christ was tempted, he resisted temptation and focused his efforts on doing the will of the Father.  That is our example and is the standard we try to meet.

Now we are not perfect like Christ, we will sin by falling into one(or more) of these temptations that face us. When we do we need to repent and try to do better.

Homosexuality is not exempt from this pattern.  Those who suffer from this temptation need to resist, and should they fail to resist the temptations they face, they need to repent of their sins just like everyone else.  Members who do not face this temptation need to be just as supportive of those struggling to overcome a same sex attraction, as they would support their brother or sister struggling with any other temptation.

The problem we all face with strong temptation is to try to justify why it is OK to give in.  To find reason to call it not a sin, or not that bad.  When we do this we stop trying to repent and become an unrepentant sinner.  This is why we all need to support each other, not in sin, but in over coming sin.

Let me give an example… Let is say my temptation is pride…  pride is a sin, and I know this, but lets say I struggle with it daily anyways.  Some days I give in and my pride rules, so I repent and I resume struggling.  But it is very hard and I grow tired and weak…  And in that moment of weakness I hear things like “God made me this way so how can it be wrong” Or “There are bigger and more more important things then that”  or something else that tries to convince me I don’t need to follow God or that following God is just too hard.  That would be another temptation and it is very attractive.

If I follow it though, I will set something other than Christ as my example.  And I will become more and more alienated from God.

Now you have asked about final judgement and that is simple really.  All those who have followed Christ, repented of their transgression (which are quite likely to be many) will do well no matter how hard the struggle was to get there.  Those who have alienated themselves from God, who have not repented, who took the world as their example, will not do so well.

The details of course belong to God, but the general outline I gave is how it will work for everyone no matter temptation.

Gramps

Hi Gramps,

Could you please better explain the reason the Church Handbook for Bishops was changed to exclude the blessing and baptism of children of same-sex parents?  The recent news about this has managed to cause a big rift in my non-Mormon family members.

Melanie

Answer

Melanie,

The true and correct answer is because the Lord’s appointed servants, whom He has called to lead the Church, told us this is what we need to do.  The First President recently clarified the changes made. First Presidency Clarifies Church Handbook Changes    We also have an interview given by Elder Christofferson.   Church Provides Context on Handbook Changes Affecting Same-Sex Marriages

Unfortunately that answer only works for those who have a strong and powerful faith that the church is led by God through His Prophet and Apostles.  For non members and for members of less firm faith, that simply does not work for them.  They need reasons, rationalizations and logical answers.  Even if we had all the other ‘reasons,’ (some of which the church has given) it still would not be good enough for many who have already made up their minds on what they think the correct answer should be and not accepting anything less.

But you asked me for reasons for non members.  I will do my best knowing the limits of what we know and what others are likely to accept.  And knowing that I can’t do as well as the leaders have already done.

First lets talk repentance and marriage.  Both are important, both have lots of doctrinal support.  In just about every case repentance can work together with marriage strengthening it and making it better.  There are only two cases (that I am aware) that repentance requires the destruction of a marriage.  Destruction of a marriage is a huge deal with all kinds of fallout and long term consequences. (See The Family: A Proclamation to the World for details if needed) Those two cases are polygamous marriages (currently forbidden) and homosexual marriages.

This is not a new or recent change of doctrine.  The stance against children of polygamists becoming members while still children has been in place for a long time.  Expanding that to cover the children of homosexual marriages only became necessary after homosexual marriages became possible.

In both cases the Church has to consider what is best for all the people involved and find a balance between those that are innocent, those that are trying to live up to the covenants they made, and those who are not interested changing their ways.

It seems to me that the Church is acting in a way to protect the innocent by not putting them under the covenant of baptism, until they are mature enough to understand the sinful nature of the homosexual parent’s relationship and balance that with the very natural and and understandable love and affection children have (hopefully) toward them.  That is a hard balance for adults to find. For a child that could be very much impossible, so the Church protects them by pulling itself out and not allowing the child to become a member.

Of course not being a member does not mean the child can not be fellowshipped if allowed by the responsible adults over them.  If this happens the lack of baptism and actual membership might hurt the child’s feelings when they notice and that is regrettable.  But dealing with feeling left out, as painful as it might be, is a normal childhood experience.   Feeling like you have to choose between a parent and the church is most decidedly not.

So Melanie when you hear people attack the church on this issue with the cry of “Think of the children” you can rest assured that the Church, its leaders, and the Lord have very given much thought of what was best for them.  And then they acted accordingly.

In addition to the “think of the children” attack, there is also the “Christ wouldn’t do this”  In the context of denying baptism of children until a later time those that think this do err and do not understand the scriptures.  Two examples come to mind:

First is the story of a leader of the Roman army found in Luke 7:2-10.  He was a gentile, and he came to the Lord asking Him to heal his sick servant.  The leader clearly had faith and a willingness to do as he was told.  Yet Christ did not instruct him to be baptized.

The second is in Matt 15:22-28.  This is a story of a woman who comes for help with her sick daughter.  She had enough faith to push, though, even after Christ pointed out he wasn’t sent to her; she got a blessing anyway.  Yet the Lord did not have her be baptized either.

In both cases Christ witnessed great faith and desire on the part of the individual, but denied them the chance to be baptized.  This chance had to wait until Peter was instructed to take the Gospel to the Gentiles.  So our Lord as Savior Jesus Christ is on record in the Holy Scriptures as withholding baptism from people if the time was not right for it to happen.

Gramps

Dear Gramps,

In light of the recent Supreme Court ruling for homosexual marriage to be allowed in all 50 states, what does this mean for the future of the Church and its members? Is this a specific sign of the times? I’ll be honest in saying that I am a little fearful for the future of our religious rights as members of the Church, and not legally being able to refuse homosexual marriage within our church. Can you give some insight on what we are now supposed to do in defense of our beliefs?

Mitch

also

Gramps,

Now that same-sex marriage is legal, do you think someone will attempt to force the LDS church (by suing) to perform the practice or are we safe regarding this? And if, hypothetically speaking of course, someone would win a case against the church, what would the prophet’s next step be? Would that be a point that God would have to intervene in a very drastic way?

Brittney

Answer

Dear Mitch and Brittney,

I don’t claim to know everything that our future holds.  However, the Church leadership has been very upbeat over our future.  For example, in February Elder Holland said the following at a CES fireside:

We know for certain that if and when everything else in the latter days is down or dying; if governments, economies, industries, and institutions crumble; if societies and cultures become a quagmire of chaos and insecurity, nevertheless, through it all the gospel of Jesus Christ and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that bears that gospel to the world will stand triumphant. It will stand undefiled in God’s hand until the very Son of God Himself comes to rule and reign as Lord of lords and King of kings. Nothing is more certain in this world. Nothing is more sure. Nothing could be more of an antidote to anxiety. As the Prophet Joseph declared, and as a generation of missionaries quote with fervor: The truth of God will sweep every country and sound in every ear. No unhallowed hand can stop it from progressing. Still true.

. . . .

And if there are some bumps along the way while waiting to see every promise kept and every prophecy fulfilled, so be it. As the remarkable Eliza R. Snow penned:

 

What, tho, if the favor of Ahman possessing,

This world’s bitter hate you are called to endure?

The angels are waiting to crown you with blessings!

Go forward, be faithful, the promise is sure.

Go forward, be faithful, the promise is sure.

 

That spirit cuts through confusion like the two-edged sword the truth of the Lord always is.

 

So, if you haven’t noticed, I am bullish on the latter-days. In nothing could I have more faith than I have in God the Eternal Father; in Jesus Christ, His Son; in their redeeming gospel; and in their divinely guided Church. So, what do we owe our students in this? We owe them a comparable testimony and a life “of good cheer.” The Savior asked for that so often that I personally consider it a commandment. However, worry and fear and pessimism and fretting can destroy anyone’s good cheer—yours and that of the people around you. So put a smile on your face, and cherish every day of your life!  [Emphasis added.]

 

As for what, specifically, the Church members are to do at this time:  The Church just recently gave some additional counsel, which you can read online here.

Gramps

Dear Gramps,

I read in a previous answer and it was mentioned in Sunday School today that members who are attracted to the same sex but remain chaste and don’t act on their urges, the same as heterosexuals, can hold a temple recommend. What about members that marry their partner in a state that has legalized same sex marriage? Given that they remained chaste until they were married can they still keep a temple recommend?

Kristin

Answer

Dear Kristin,

The law of chastity is simply that a man is not to have sexual relations except with his wife; and that a woman is not to have sexual relations except with her husband. With this understanding, homosexuals and heterosexuals can both worthily obtain temple recommends so long as they live this law. A few months ago The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gave instructions to bishops for the particular case you mentioned – whether it is sufficient to be lawfully wedded by the laws of the land.

“Changes in the civil law do not, indeed cannot, change the moral law that God has established. God expects us to uphold and keep His commandments regardless of divergent opinions or trends in society. His law of chastity is clear: sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. We urge you to review and teach Church members the doctrine contained in ‘The Family: A Proclamation to the World.’

…

Consistent with our fundamental beliefs, Church officers will not employ their ecclesiastical authority to perform marriages between two people of the same sex, and the Church does not permit its meetinghouses or other properties to be used for ceremonies, receptions, or other activities associated with same-sex marriages.“

Besides the principle in The Family Proclamation linked above, this also comes out from a distinction that the Church continues to make clear:

“The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all God’s children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.” (MormonsAndGays.org)

There is no disciplinary action taken for same-sex attraction. There is no loss of temple recommend in such cases, nor disfellowship. Should the person choose homosexual actions then it comes with consequences. The Church recognizes such as sin. Marrying a partner of the same sex clearly falls under homosexual action, and any sexual relations had under that condition are against the law of chastity as far as God and the Church are concerned, opinions of the State and culture notwithstanding.

Even so, everyone deserves a baseline of respect, regardless of how his/her sins may differ from yours. As such, the Church reminds us that “ all visitors are welcome to our chapels and premises” to worship with us and participate in our activities. What’s more, we should still be civil and friendly whether attraction is same-or opposite-sex; whether such attraction is acted on or not; whether married or not. The Church “affirm[s] that those who avail themselves of laws or court rulings authorizing same-sex marriage should not be treated disrespectfully” (Church Instructs Leaders on Same-sex Marriage).

Gramps

Dear Gramps,

Should LDS parents attend the same-sex wedding of their gay children? What if they were having a heterosexual wedding in a Satanic church? Where does one draw the line in their children’s unacceptable conduct? How would one give their child love and support without giving tacit approval to the wrong choices they have made? The following quotation comes to mind:

“Vice is a monster of so frightful mien,
As to be hated needs but to be seen;
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.”

Alexander Pope – An Essay on Man

Robert

Answer

Robert,

Alexander Pope’s “An Essay on Man” reminds me of Charles Dicken’s words in “A Tale of Two Cities” specifying:

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way.”

We definitely are able to recognize how profound Alexander Pope’s statement has been since we live in a world that once endured, then pitied, and now a good number are embracing same sex marriage. We also recognize the Church’s stand regarding the definition of marriage and its sacredness that can only be found between the union of a man and a woman lawfully wed as husband and wife.

When a parent is determining whether or not to attend the marriage of their gay children, I believe, parents are the only two people who could make that decision for themselves in thoughtful and mindful prayer before the Lord. If I were in a similar situation I am reminded of these words from our leaders:

1) Article of Faith #13:

“We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous and in doing good to all men…. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report, or praiseworthy we seek after these things.”

2) In the Old Testament a father was chastened by the Lord for not properly restraining his children even though he knew their iniquity. The Lord described their iniquity as “vile” before Him. As a result, Eli was removed from his leadership position.

3) The Church published:

“On the question of same-sex marriage, the Church has been consistent in its support of traditional marriage while teaching that all people should be treated with kindness and understanding. If it is being suggested that the Church’s doctrine on this matter is changing, that is incorrect.”

4) Elder Dallin H. Oaks has provided some profitable counsel:

“Similarly, laws legalizing so-called “same-sex marriage” do not change God’s law of marriage or His commandments and our standards concerning it. We remain under covenant to love God and keep His commandments and to refrain from serving other gods and priorities—even those becoming popular in our particular time and place.”

5) Elder Dallin H. Oaks also quoted President Thomas S. Monson when he stated:

“Courage, not compromise, brings the smile of God’s approval. Courage becomes a living and an attractive virtue when it is regarded not only as a willingness to die manfully, but as the determination to live decently. A moral coward is one who is afraid to do what he thinks is right because others will disapprove or laugh. Remember that all men have their fears, but those who face their fears with dignity have courage as well.”

The proper step with regard to your questions would be for a mother and father to humbly kneel before the Lord to determine how they might in love, kindness, and compassion continue to support their children without supporting what they know to be iniquitous before the Lord.

Gramps

Sign me a brokenhearted mom

_______________

Dear Brokenhearted mom,

I want you to brace yourself. This will be tough.

Are you ready?

Your question is: “How far do I bend before I break?”

Here’s my response: This isn’t about you. If you make this about you, then you will find fault and guilt in every decision he makes from here on out.

This is about your son and his struggle to find and discover himself and who he feels that he really is.

I cannot say that I agree with his decision for hormonal treatments to change his sex. We know doctrinally that this isn’t right. However, we are also commanded to ‘love one another’. He will always be your son and you will always be his mom. No amount of hormones will ever change these facts.

As for how you explain this to your nieces and nephews? Don’t. That’s why they have parents. Let them carry that burden and teach their children.

-Gramps