Dear Gramps,

Like many women, I have (really) struggled for decades with jealousy and plural marriage. I fear the Millennium because of the intimacy that will come with plural marriage.  Any insight you can give to me, I will be grateful for.

Ann

Answer

Dear Ann,

I understand your concern, one shared by many Latter-day Saint women and more than a few Latter-day Saint men.

At the end of the first session of the October 2019 General Conference, President Oaks of the First Presidency delivered a masterful sermon titled “Trust in the Lord“, which I encourage you to review. To begin his talk, Elder Oaks related the following incident:

My dear brothers and sisters, a letter I received some time ago introduces the subject of my talk. The writer was contemplating a temple marriage to a man whose eternal companion had died. She would be a second wife. She asked this question: would she be able to have her own house in the next life, or would she have to live with her husband and his first wife? I just told her to trust the Lord.

There are many things about the next life that we simply do not know. Will we eat together at a table? Live in houses? Sleep? We are promised that we will be eternally sealed to our spouses, our parents, and our children. But exactly what will be the nature of those relationships? When parents and children are equally grown, equally wise, and equally perfect, what does it mean to be parent and child? It means something, certainly, something very important—but also something that in some ways will be far different from what we experience here and now. Just how much like this life will the next be? What things, perhaps as yet unknown to us, will we find of primary concern, and what things that we worry about today will we then see to be no concern at all?

That is not to say that we know nothing about the next life. On the contrary, the Prophet Joseph Smith taught:

…that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy.

Your husband will still be your husband in every good and intimate and important way, and you will still be his wife in the same ways. The eternal glory that awaits us undoubtedly comes with an endowment of knowledge and understanding that will allow us to live with a fullness of joy in a state that we can hardly now even contemplate. Nothing precious and of eternal value between you and your husband (or anyone else) will be lost. Nothing worthy will be taken from you, only added to you.

God is a loving Father who seeks to give us the unthinkable joy that he himself experiences. What that joy will look like is only dimly visible to us here in mortality. But the same epistle in which the apostle Paul warns that “now we seek through a glass, darkly” also assures us that:

Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.

A literally unimaginable glory and joy await us. As the Lord himself so wisely and gently taught us, sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. Let us put aside worries about the life to come regarding things we don’t know about and that don’t even touch us today.

God is good, and so are all of his works. His promises are just and true, and you have his promise of joy beyond your current comprehension. However things turn out to be in the heavens, they will be wonderful for all who dwell there, including God’s daughters. Including you. Trust in the Lord, Sister Ann.

Gramps

Gramps,

I hope you can help me. I am a member of the church with a strong testimony and have recently read some stuff about Joseph Smith and have felt very bad since reading it. I read that when he first started practicing polygamy he hid it from Emma. I just feel bad inside. What I read disturbed me and I can’t seem to shake the way that I feel. I know the church is true and although what I read bothers me, I won’t let it affect my testimony, but it’s haunting me and I just feel bad. I keep thinking about how hurtful this would have been to Emma and I can’t understand why it would have to be done that way. Please help me!!

Shea

Answer

Shea,

One thing to remember in all of God’s dealings with men is that the men he chose, and chooses to this day are, were, and ever will be imperfect men. Moses had a speech impediment, some say he stuttered. Noah got drunk after the flood. Jonah physically fled from his prophetic call at first.

What I’m trying to illustrate is that just like these well known, and righteous, holy men of the Old Testament, Joseph Smith was also an imperfect man. For perspective, you have to put yourself in his shoes and in his time.

Joseph loved Emma without question, hesitation, or reservation. Imagine, in that setting, the Lord coming to Joseph and informing him not only about the practice of polygamy, but that he himself was commanded to accept additional wives.

Joseph knew his wife Emma and he knew her well. He knew she wouldn’t like the idea of polygamy, and indeed she didn’t when he finally told her about it. It took him even longer to inform the rest of the Church about it. In fact, it took a direct and clear warning from the Lord before Joseph finally revealed the revelations that he had received.

At once is clear the discomfort Joseph felt with this doctrine. He knew it would be trouble for the saints to accept. It was trouble for his own household. Indeed, the trouble over this doctrine and practice not only began trouble for the saints then, but to some degree or another, it is still shadowing us to this very day. Nevermind it hasn’t been acceptable in this church for over 100 years, people still tend to associate polygamy with the LDS Church.

Now, as to what is bothering you specifically, remember Joseph was just a mortal man with a divine calling. Only Christ was ever perfectly innocent of sin. Joseph, and all of the other people associated with the early years of the church made mistakes and sinned to some degree or another just like everyone in the church does to this day, including the prophet and apostles. Our callings do not make us above sin, whatever they are.

I assure you Joseph was never guilty of any deep or serious sin such as those who attack the church are likely to claim. For instance, in relation to the issue of polygamy, yes Joseph was sealed to several women during his life. However he never attempted to have children with any but his beloved Emma. There is no reliable record that states he was ever even intimate with any other woman besides Emma.

There is much more to be learned about the practice of polygamy and the doctrines behind it, much of which we may never learn in this life. At the same time, whenever God commands and man obeys, that man will always be right.

God commanded Joseph Smith, and being human, Joseph struggled with what he was commanded to do. He hesitated, worried, and wondered perhaps. However when the Lord reminded him of his calling and duyy, Joseph obeyed and the restoration of all things continued to unfold.

I can understand the unease you feel about this, but it’s important to remember that all of us here are operating under the same need for faith, and that definitely includes the prophets God calls to lead us. It’s no wonder that we are encouraged to sustain our leaders in their callings, for their tasks surely require great tests of faith such as this example of what Joseph and Emma faced.

Gramps

Hey Gramps,

Just wondering, hypothetically, if US laws were changed to allow polygamy would the practice be allowed in the church again?

Just wondering

 Answer

Dear Wondering,

For the Church to begin practicing polygamy again, it would have be begun again in the same way as it was started initially, by direct revelation from God. Currently the Manifesto given by Wilford Woodruff is the most current revelation dealing with the subject of Polygamy, and it is a no.

So even if the law were to change it would not be an automatic thing for the church to resume. I would imagine that such a new law being made would cause a lot of discussion amongst the members, with many having very strong opinions both for and against resuming. In the end it would take our Prophet speaking on behalf of the Lord to show us the way forward.

Gramps

Gramps,

I read your answer – but when I read D&C 132:64, it sure seems like it is saying we (women) have to accept plural wives if our husband wants it. Is that what it is saying? I don’t want to practice polygamy here or in the next life – it is just wrong to me. God says all through the scriptures, to be faithful (chaste) – then Joseph Smith lusts for other women and suddenly the Lord tells him it is okay! Emma didn’t want him to practice it. I don’t want to teach my children, grandchildren, etc that they HAVE to practice polygamy in the next life. Please help me to understand, I really don’t want to leave the church over this.

Barbara

Answer

Barbara,

Polygamy is an issue that many people struggle with, both in the Church and out. Let’s look at D&C 132:61-64:

61 And again, as pertaining to the law of the priesthood—if any man espouse a virgin, and desire to espouse another, and the first give her consent, and if he espouse the second, and they are virgins, and have vowed to no other man, then is he justified; he cannot commit adultery for they are given unto him; for he cannot commit adultery with that that belongeth unto him and to no one else.

 

62 And if he have ten virgins given unto him by this law, he cannot commit adultery, for they belong to him, and they are given unto him; therefore is he justified.

 

63 But if one or either of the ten virgins, after she is espoused, shall be with another man, she has committed adultery, and shall be destroyed; for they are given unto him to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given by my Father before the foundation of the world, and for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of my Father continued, that he may be glorified.

 

64 And again, verily, verily, I say unto you, if any man have a wife, who holds the keys of this power, and he teaches unto her the law of my priesthood, as pertaining to these things, then shall she believe and administer unto him, or she shall be destroyed, saith the Lord your God; for I will destroy her; for I will magnify my name upon all those who receive and abide in my law.

Notice that in verse 61 it states that the first wife must give her consent before the husband can marry another woman. Also key to this is the secont part of verse 63, “for they are given unto him to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given by my Father before the foundation of the world, and for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of my Father continued, that he may be glorified.”

Now, let’s talk a little about Joseph Smith regarding this matter. In the heading for D&C 132 we read the following:

Although the revelation was recorded in 1843, it is evident from the historical records that the doctrines and principles involved in this revelation had been known by the Prophet since 1831.

Now, in your question you stated; God says all through the scriptures, to be faithful (chaste) – then Joseph Smith lusts for other women and suddenly the Lord tells him it is okay!

Let me ask you what possible reasons Joseph would have had in receiving these principles, yet essentially sitting on them for 12 years before revealing them? Could it be because Joseph knew very well what the implications were? Could it also be because of his devotion to his wife Emma whom he knew, better than anyone else, was quite opposed to polygamy?

There is no evidence that Joseph ever had intimate relations with any of his additional wives. There is no evidence he ever attempted to father children with them. The only children he did have were with Emma. Whatever Joseph did in regards to his polygamous marriages, I have a strong testimony that he obeyed the will and the word of God precisely.

Abraham, Jacob, and Moses all had more than one wife, and these are some of the most significant men of the bible, if not in the history of mankind prior to Jesus’ birth. Polygamy is a biblical practice, and as indicated in D&C 132, a principle with a promise of blessings attached to it.

I understand how this is an important issue to you, and I don’t want to detract from that at all. However instead of asking me to ‘make it alright’, as it were, I would ask you to make this a matter of sincere prayer and fasting. Go to Heavenly Father and ask him to help you find answers for your concerns and peace in your heart. I assure you he will answer you.

Gramps

Gramps,

I’ve heard here and there that in the millennium, polygamy will be a commandment, just like marriage is a commandment today. I’ve also heard that to be exalted to the highest degree in the Celestial Kingdom you have to be in a plural marriage. Are either of these true, and if so, can you explain?

Anonymous

Answer

Dear Anonymous,

Whenever we “hear” things, we need to have scriptures, or revelation from modern-day Prophets to back up such statements. We need to go back to the foundation of testimony.

That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; (Ephesians 4:14)

Now, I’m not saying that you are about to be deceived by probably some very well-meaning individuals. We must keep to the foundations of the gospel.

The doctrines of Celestial Marriage has never changed since it has been revealed and outlined in Doctrine and Covenants Section 132. The practice of polygamy has stopped here on earth according to commandment given to President Wilford Woodruff. (See Official Declaration 1).

What I do know about the millenium is that there will be no evil as Satan will be bound. Only righteousness will prevail. With the proper heart, might, mind and strength, we will want to serve the Lord as He would have us serve Him. With that mindset, if He commands us to grow our families and households accordingly, I would hope we would have the faith and will to do so. Of course, that’s not just the husband, but the wife as well.

To obtain the highest degree within the Celestial Kingdom, it requires marriage through the New and Everlasting Covenant. I do not recall any verse or official revelation that states how many times one must enter the New and Everlasting Covenant to reach the highest kingdom. Only that one has entered into the New and Everlasting Covenant and that it is sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise. (D&C 132:19)

Hope this helps.

Gramps