Gramps,

Why is it possible for men to be sealed to more than one woman?

Terry

Answer

Terry,

In the context of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a sealing is a sacred ordinance performed in temples that binds individuals together for eternity. This practice is rooted in the belief that family relationships can endure beyond death, allowing individuals to be united in the afterlife. The Church’s General Handbook outlines the policies regarding sealings, stating that a man can be sealed to multiple women, whether living or deceased, while a woman may only be sealed to one man at a time during her lifetime.

Gramps

Gramps,

Answer

Natalie,

Sealing is an ordinance performed in the temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, where a husband and wife are bound together for eternity. This ordinance is believed to be essential for attaining the highest degree of glory in the afterlife, known as the Celestial Kingdom. According to Doctrine and Covenants 132:19-20, those who are sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise will inherit thrones, kingdoms, and dominions, thus emphasizing the eternal nature of this covenant.

The sealing ordinance is unique in that it involves a third party—the Lord—who sanctifies the union. Unlike other ordinances, such as baptism, which are personal covenants between the individual and God, sealing requires the presence and approval of a spouse. This dynamic introduces complexities, especially when one partner is not a member of the Church or is unworthy of the sealing.

A critical aspect of sealing is the interplay between faith and agency. While the ordinance is essential for exaltation, individuals must also live by their covenants to receive the associated blessings. Gramps explained in a previous answer, “We are responsible for seeking out and living the ordinances and covenants of God as best as we can given our circumstances.” This means that even if one spouse is unworthy, the faithful partner can still seek the sealing ordinance for their blessings, trusting in God’s promises.

The sealing ordinance extends beyond the couple to their children, creating a familial bond that is believed to last beyond mortality. Children born to sealed parents are considered “born in the covenant,” which grants them specific blessings and privileges associated with the sealing. This eternal family structure is central to the theology of The Church, as emphasized by Elder L. Tom Perry, who stated, “The entire theology of our restored gospel centers on families and the new and everlasting covenant of marriage.”

For members of The Church who are married to non-member spouses, the question of sealing can be particularly challenging. As highlighted in the initial inquiry, some may wonder if they must be sealed to their non-member spouse to attain the Celestial Kingdom. The answer lies in understanding that while the sealing ordinance is crucial, it does not negate the individual’s relationship with God. I want to reassure you that “Christ will make it right for the other spouse” if one partner is unworthy. This perspective encourages members to focus on their faithfulness and the ordinances they can perform, rather than being overly concerned about their spouse’s status.

Divorce and annulment can complicate the sealing process. If a couple is sealed and later divorces, the sealing remains in effect unless it is canceled by the First Presidency of the Church. This means that the faithful spouse retains the blessings associated with the sealing, even if the other partner has broken their covenants. However, if a sealing is canceled, the individual blessings tied to that sealing are no longer in force. This can lead to feelings of uncertainty for those who have experienced divorce, but it is essential to remember that the Lord’s plan allows for healing and new beginnings.

One of the most comforting aspects of the sealing doctrine is the hope it offers for redemption. The Church teaches that even those who have not lived worthy lives can receive the blessings of the sealing ordinance through repentance and faith. I emphasize that “the Lord makes time for all his work to be accomplished,” suggesting that no one is beyond the reach of God’s grace. This belief encourages members to continue performing temple work for their deceased ancestors, trusting that their efforts may lead to eventual acceptance of the gospel in the afterlife.

Gramps

Related articles:

Must I be sealed to my deceased spouse to obtain the Celestial Kingdom?

If one doesn’t live worthily during life isn’t sealing them by proxy all a waste of time?

What is the significance of parents being sealed to children?

Finding Faith When an Eternal Marriage Ends

Gramps,

What happens to a temple sealing if a child, born under the covenant, chooses to leave the Church as an adult?

KrIsti

Answer

Kristi,

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a temple sealing is not merely a significant ordinance but a sacred covenant that binds families together for eternity. It establishes an eternal relationship between a husband and wife and includes their children, particularly those born under the covenant. According to President Gordon B. Hinckley, “The eternal sealings of faithful parents and the divine promises made to them for valiant service in the Cause of Truth would save not only themselves but likewise their posterity.” This statement emphasizes the belief that the blessings of these sealings extend beyond mortality, creating a divine connection that persists through time.

For children born to parents who are sealed in the temple, this covenant embodies a birthright blessing. They are assured an eternal connection to their parents, regardless of the individual choices they may later make. The Church teaches that temple sealings are not conditional on the faithfulness of the parents; rather, the sealing remains intact even if one parent becomes unfaithful. Children born under the covenant are assured an eternal connection to their parents, irrespective of their individual choices later in life.

When a child born under the covenant chooses to leave the Church, one of the most pressing concerns for parents is the status of their sealing. Fortunately, Church doctrine reassures members that their sealing remains valid. President Joseph Fielding Smith affirmed that children who drift away from the faith are still the children of their parents, emphasizing that parents maintain a claim upon them.

This teaching reinforces the idea that, despite individual choices, the blessings associated with the sealing endure. Children can return to the faith and access the blessings tied to their sealings, should they choose to do so. The Church’s teachings provide hope, indicating that the love and connection forged through temple sealings are resilient and eternal.

Central to understanding the implications of temple sealings is the doctrine of agency. Each individual is endowed with the ability and responsibility to make choices. Elder David Bednar articulated this principle, stating that while faithful parents can invite the influence of heaven upon their children, ultimately, the choice to repent rests with the children themselves (Bednar, 2014).

This perspective highlights that even if a child strays from the teachings of the Church, their sealing to their faithful parents remains intact. It is a reminder that the covenant is not merely a transactional relationship but a profound bond rooted in love and divine promise. As Elder Orson F. Whitney taught, “The Shepherd will find his sheep,” conveying the hope that wayward children can return to their eternal family.

The teachings of Church leaders provide further insights into the nature of eternal relationships. They emphasize the importance of faith, prayer, and hope for wayward children. President Hinckley’s assurances remind families that God’s love is eternal and that even those who stray can feel the influence of divine providence drawing them back.

Elder Orson F. Whitney articulated this hope, stating that “the influence of divine providence” would guide children back to the fold.These sentiments echo the Church’s belief in the power of repentance and the potential for reconciliation within eternal family bonds.

The doctrine of eternal families in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints offers profound comfort and hope for parents facing the reality of children who may stray from the faith. The eternal nature of temple sealings ensures that children born under the covenant remain connected to their parents, regardless of their choices. Even in the face of doubt or separation, the teachings of the Church uphold the belief that the bonds of love and family endure beyond mortality.

Through faith, prayer, and adherence to gospel principles, there remains a pathway for reconciliation and eternal union. Families can find solace in the understanding that their connections are not severed by individual choices but are instead an everlasting promise of divine love and hope.

Related articles:

What happens to the sealings of parents when the parent’s sealings are cancelled?

Can an inactive child still be part of our Celestial family?

What happens to children who stray when they die?

Gramps

Gramps,

What happens to a temple marriage if one spouse commits suicide?

Neilia

Answer

Neilia,

The topic of suicide is immensely sensitive and complex, especially within the context of temple marriages in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. For members of the Church, marriages performed in the temple are believed to be eternal, binding couples together beyond this life. However, when one spouse dies by suicide, it can raise profound questions about the status of their sealing and the implications for the surviving partner. T

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, marriages performed in the temple are considered eternal, extending beyond death. This belief is rooted in scriptures such as Doctrine and Covenants 132:19-20, which outlines that those who are sealed in the temple and remain faithful to their covenants can expect to maintain their family relationships in the afterlife.

When one spouse commits suicide, the eternal sealing remains intact. According to church teachings, the surviving spouse may seek guidance from church authorities regarding their sealing status. This policy reflects a deep understanding of the complexities surrounding mental health and the challenges that can lead to tragic outcomes such as suicide.

The Church acknowledges the serious nature of suicide but emphasizes the importance of compassion and understanding. Elder M. Russell Ballard, in his article “Suicide: Some Things We Know and Some We Do Not,” emphasized that “only the Lord knows all the details, and He it is who will judge our actions here on earth.” This perspective allows for hope and understanding regarding the circumstances surrounding a suicide, particularly when mental health issues are involved.

Moreover, the Church does not have a specific policy that forbids temple work for individuals who have committed suicide. Families are encouraged to perform proxy ordinances for deceased loved ones as a part of the healing process. 

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints acknowledges that mental illness can significantly impact an individual’s thoughts and actions. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, in his talk “Like a Broken Vessel,” emphasized that individuals struggling with mental health issues should seek help and that their worthiness regarding temple attendance is not solely defined by their struggles. This acknowledgment cultivates an environment of support and understanding, allowing individuals to seek help without the fear of judgment.

Additionally, the Church encourages members to reach out to their bishops for guidance and support when dealing with mental health issues. By fostering a culture of love, support, and understanding, the Church aims to alleviate the stigma surrounding mental health challenges and provide a safe space for healing.

The Church provides various resources for those affected by suicide, including counseling services and support groups. The website Preventing Suicide offers valuable information for individuals struggling with suicidal thoughts and for those affected by the loss of a loved one to suicide. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) is also recommended for immediate help.

The Church advocates for members to actively seek help and support, emphasizing that feelings of despair can be temporary. Through faith, community, and professional assistance, individuals can find hope and healing even in the wake of tragic events such as suicide.

In conclusion, the implications of suicide are profound and deeply felt within the context of temple marriages in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The teachings of the Church emphasize compassion, understanding, and the eternal nature of relationships. While the loss of a spouse to suicide can be devastating, the Church offers hope and healing through its teachings, resources, and community support. Members are encouraged to seek help, perform proxy ordinances for their deceased loved ones, and rely on their faith as they navigate these challenging circumstances.

Gramps

Gramps,

First time asking a question. You’ve answered similar questions but the differences are key and I could use some guidance. My wife and I have been married 15 years. During our temple sealing the sealer had some big opinions on wedding rings being a false tradition and had no place in a celestial marriage. So my wife and I very awkwardly did not exchange rings. We’d love to have our little ring ceremony. Few family, few words, very simple. The Church seems to be against it. Any advice?

Craig

Answer

Craig,

Marriage is a sacred covenant in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, emphasizing eternal commitments and divine blessings. In this context, exchanging rings during marriage ceremonies often raises questions. While many couples within the Church choose to participate in this tradition, it is important to understand the Church’s official stance, the cultural implications, and the symbolism behind such exchanges.

In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the formal marriage ceremony conducted within temples does not include a ring exchange as part of the official proceedings. The focus during the ceremony is primarily on the sealing of the couple for time and eternity, which is considered the most sacred aspect of the marriage covenant. A ring exchange can be performed at a reception or in a separate ceremony, but it is not part of the official temple sealing. This delineation highlights the Church’s prioritization of spiritual commitments over cultural practices.

Despite the absence of a ring exchange in the official ceremony, many members of the Church embrace this tradition during their wedding celebrations. The practice of exchanging rings symbolizes commitment and love, aligning with broader cultural understandings of marriage. Many couples opt to include a ring exchange during their wedding receptions, reflecting personal or familial traditions rather than formal Church doctrine. This adaptation signifies a blending of cultural norms with individual beliefs, showcasing the diversity of practices among Latter-day Saints.

Wedding rings hold significant meaning across various cultures, including among Latter-day Saints. They serve as powerful symbols of love, fidelity, and commitment. The circular shape of a ring represents eternity, reinforcing the idea of an everlasting bond between spouses. For many members, wearing a wedding ring is a personal choice that reflects their commitment to one another, even if it is not emphasized in the Church’s official ceremonies. Personal narratives shared by members often highlight these sentiments, showcasing how such symbols can carry deep emotional significance.

Experiences concerning ring exchanges can vary widely among members of the Church. Some local leaders may allow a ring exchange as part of non-temple ceremonies or receptions. However, these exchanges mustn’t overshadow or confuse the sacred nature of the sealing ordinance performed in the temple. Ultimately, the decision to include a ring exchange is a matter of personal preference, with many members feeling empowered to incorporate their traditions into their wedding celebrations while remaining faithful to the teachings of the Church.

Central to the beliefs of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the concept of eternal marriage. The Church teaches that temple sealings are essential for couples to be together not only in this life but also in the eternities. This belief underscores the importance of the sealing ordinance, which represents a covenant with God that transcends earthly traditions such as ring exchanges. As Elder L. Tom Perry stated, “The entire theology of our restored gospel centers on families and on the new and everlasting covenant of marriage.” Understanding this context helps to clarify why the focus within Church ceremonies is primarily on the spiritual aspects of marriage.

In summary, while The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints does not prohibit the exchange of rings during marriage, it is not part of the formal ceremony conducted within temples. Many members choose to incorporate this tradition into their wedding celebrations, reflecting personal and cultural practices. The significance of rings as symbols of love and commitment resonates deeply within the hearts of many couples, serving as reminders of their vows to one another. As couples navigate their wedding ceremonies, they can embrace both the spiritual teachings of the Church and their personal traditions, creating a celebration that honors their unique journeys together.

Gramps

Gramps,

Why do I have to get sealed to my spouse if I got sealed with our family? If I don’t get sealed will I not be with God?

gabs

Answer

Dear gabs,

I appreciate your witness and testimony of the value of children getting sealed to parents. Brigham Young taught, “This Priesthood has been restored again, and by its authority we shall be connected with our fathers, by the ordinance of sealing, until we shall form a perfect chain from Father Adam down to the closing up scene.” Adding to the importance of this ordinance, Elder Russell M. Nelson testified that children that have been sealed to their parents are “heirs to the blessings of the priesthood.”

What a tremendous blessing a person may enjoy in this life and the next when sealed to parents. But this is not the whole picture. Rather, the fuller quote from Elder Nelson is “Children born to parents thus married [in the temple] are natural heirs to the blessings of the priesthood. They are born in the covenant. Hence, ‘they require no rite of adoption or sealing to insure them place in the posterity of promise.'(James E. Talmage, The Articles of Faith (Salt Lake City: The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1977), p. 446)”. That is, the “heir” status of the child is given under the aegis of the parents’ covenant.

The new and everlasting covenant of marriage is not only a tremendous blessing to children but also to the couple participating in it. Those who enter into this covenant and are faithful to it are promised the following blessings:

they “come forth in the first resurrection”
they “shall inherit thrones, kingdoms, principalities, and powers, dominions, all heights and depths”
the marriage “shall be of full force when they are out of the world”
“they shall pass by the angels, and the gods, … to their exaltation and glory in all things”
their “glory shall be a fulness and a continuation of the seeds forever and ever”
they “shall they be gods, because they have no end”
they shall “be from everlasting to everlasting, because they continue”
they shall “be above all, because all things are subject unto them”
“angels are subject unto them”
Wrapped up in these blessings are covenants made with Adam, Enoch, Noah, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. If you were born in the covenant or sealed to your parents you are an heir to the covenants and entitled to claim them. Elder Nelson bore an apostolic witness that “you may also claim the supernal blessings promised to the faithful lineage of Abraham. The Lord explained that the blessings and responsibilities of His priesthood are yours because of your faith, works, and lineage—the lineage declared in your patriarchal blessings. You ‘are lawful heirs,’ He said. ‘Your life and the priesthood have remained, and must needs remain through you and your lineage’ (D&C 86:9–10). The ultimate blessings of the Abrahamic covenant are conferred in holy temples.”

I encourage you to do everything in your power to go to the temple and receive the sealing blessings with your spouse. If you are married to a man of another faith, you can still live the principles of a celestial marriage in your home and merit those blessings. If you are not yet married, stay worthy to receive temple blessings. If you remain single through no fault of your own, seek a witness of the oft-spoken teaching that “in the eternities no blessing will be denied his sons and daughters who keep the commandments, are true to their covenants, and desire what is right.”

Gramps

Dear Gramps,

What happens if a man and woman are sealed in the temple and live worthily, but then the husband dies young? The young wife requests and gets a sealing cancellation so that she can be sealed to another (living) man. What happens to the poor first husband? Has he just lost his exaltation through no fault of his own?

Thanks,

Stephen

Answer

Hi Stephen,

This is a question that we currently do not have any clarified doctrinal statement regarding the husband who died while both were still young. We do have doctrine and potential truths that highlight the following:

1) An all knowing Father in heaven, “But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.” We may not have a specific doctrine but we do know we have a loving Father in heaven who is already aware and already has a plan for this.

2) God is perfectly just. It would not be just for this young man to lose his exaltation over this type of decision. We know we have had many, many brothers and sisters who have died before they were married. It is currently understood, that most likely during the millennial reign these individuals will have an opportunity to meet and be sealed.

3) This question can be asked also for those who are single, never married. They are different but in the same position. Here are words from our current prophet, President Russell M. Nelson (although shared as an Elder not as President of the Church):

“But what of the many mature members of the Church who are not married? Through no failing of their own, they deal with the trials of life alone. Be we all reminded that, in the Lord’s own way and time, no blessings will be withheld from His faithful Saints. The Lord will judge and reward each individual according to heartfelt desire as well as deed.”

As the prophet, President Russell M. Nelson shared this also:

“We live in a glorious age, foreseen by prophets for centuries. This is the dispensation when no spiritual blessing will be withheld from the righteous. Despite the world’s commotion, the Lord would have us look forward to the future “with joyful anticipation.” Let us not spin our wheels in the memories of yesterday. The gathering of Israel moves forward. The Lord Jesus Christ directs the affairs of His Church, and it will achieve its divine objectives.”

This is one of those questions that will be worked out by a perfect and loving Father in heaven according to his mercy, grace, and bounteous love for all his children.

Gramps

Hi Gramps,

Why does the Church keep me sealed to my divorced wife and child even after she married (seven years now) a non-member. If we were sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise, and there was definitely a breakdown in the “promise” and in our faith in each other, why should the document remain active? It truly is nothing more than paper now. I realize I can request a Release from Sealing, but I can only initiate that process after I get newly engaged. My divorced wife can request a Cancellation of Sealing, but has not done so due to a her low degree of activity. Since our divorce, I have never felt comfortable entering the Temple because of the bitter-sweet memories of our sealing and the fact that it is still on the records there. Thanks very much for your consideration in this matter. Sincerely,

David

Answer

Dear David,

There are two or three things to consider. First, a small technicality–you are not sealed to your wife and child; they are sealed to you. It is true that the sealing of a wife to a husband is a conditional sealing, valid only if both parties abide by the marriage covenant. But think of the baptismal covenant for a minute. Compliance with the baptismal covenant qualifies the person for the celestial kingdom of glory. If such a person does not abide by the baptismal covenant they are no longer qualified for the celestial kingdom, but would spend eternity in either the terrestrial or telestial kingdom. However, if that person fully repented of all his/her sins, he/she would be forgiven by the Lord and would again qualify for the celestial kingdom. It would not be necessary to repeat the ordinance of baptism.

It is the same for the eternal marriage covenant. If the unfaithful party fully repented, the eternal marriage covenant would again be valid. However, no force is exercised by the Father; they would be reunited as eternal husband and wife only upon their mutual agreement to be so. However again, we must recognize that as we approach the eternities, our minds, too, will be expanded to be more kind, more forgiving and to be more willing to overlook the faults of others. With the perspective of eternity, as opposed to the perspective of time, we could very well see things in a very different light.

It is my opinion that the Brethren who make decisions in such matters merely don’t want us to needlessly burn any bridges. You are in no way encumbered because your sealing remains on the books of the Church. And that fact should in no way impede you from obeying the gospel to the fullest. Keeping yourself away from the temple for such a reason just plays into the hands of the adversary. If you were to get newly engaged and plan to re-marry in the temple, that also would be no reason to request a “Release from Sealing.” If your first wife does not repent and return to full activity and compliance with the principles of the gospel, the marriage is invalid and there is no problem.

If your first wife’s new husband were to accept the gospel and the two were to qualify for a temple marriage, your first wife would be required to request a cancellation of her sealing to you before she could be sealed to anyone else since a woman can be sealed to only one man. So my suggestion would be to not let the situation bother you in the least, and whatever your first wife does about it should also not bother you in the least. In the celestial kingdom there will be perfect accord and happiness. So, because of that, there is nothing to fear, nothing to be concerned about. My recommendation would be to give the situation no more thought, to get on with your life, and strive to live a pure life, acceptable to God the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ, the authors of our salvation.

Gramps

Gramps,

As I have been reading, I came across God’s greatest gift to man is–agency, eternal life, and Christ’ Atonement. So which is the greatest, or is it just that all are??

Bruce

Answer

Bruce,

Here is the plain truth.  They are all interconnected.  They form a chain.

Eternal life is only desirable because it is the greatest gift of God.  But we can’t receive it except through the Atonement.  So, the Atonement is the greatest gift of God.  But we can’t partake of the Atonement without agency.  So, agency is the greatest gift of God.  But it is only the greatest gift because we can then

choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil   2 Nephi 2:27

What is eternal life but the infinite increase in agency?  How can we attain that without the atonement?  And round and round we go.

Recognizing the interconnection of these three gifts makes it apparent that they are not separate at all, but completely intertwined.  May the Lord inspire you to exercise your agency to partake of that Infinite Atonement so that you may choose liberty and eternal life.

Gramps

Question

Hi Gramps!

My wife is not a member of the Church, and insists that she will never join. I love her very much, and I fear that we will never be sealed in the temple, something I have always wanted. I desire to make these covenants, but I am almost certain that it will not happen in this life. Scripture study and research have shown nothing useful. Family, friends, and church authorities have given me empty platitudes for answers. I JUST want to know if I can be sealed to my wife in the afterlife.

Jake

Answer

Jake,

I’m sure you’re aware that temple work can be done vicariously for those who have passed on.  This could be possible after her death with you still alive.  Or it could be done by your descendants after both of you have passed on.

But the truth regarding ALL sealings (whether for the living or vicariously for the dead) is that the validity of the sealing is dependent upon two things:

• Righteousness of the individuals in question.
• Willingness to continue with that choice in the afterlife.

Would you find it odd to believe that it is possible for a couple to be married AND sealed throughout our lives here, and yet decide they DON’T want to be sealed for eternity after this life? I don’t see much of a difference between someone choosing in this life to not be sealed or to choose so in the next.  A choice is a choice.  And choices regarding righteousness and priesthood ordinances have eternal consequences.

Now, if your wife does want to be with you for all eternity, then she will have a chance at that.  But it will be her choice and God’s judgment.  None of us can know our final state but the Lord.  We can only gain a hope in Christ, and let our confidence wax strong in His presence through a virtuous life.

Gramps

Gramps,

I happen to know someone who is very much involved with family history and doing work for her ancestors. She never knew her father. Both her parents have passed away. During their lives her father married another woman and her mother married another man, but later divorced. She would like to be sealed to her parents. Can this be arranged?

Shasta

Answer

Dear Shasta,

I have a friend in a very similar situation.  She asked her ward Family History Specialists, and they counseled her to have her mother sealed to her step-father (even though they were divorced) and then have herself sealed to them.  I would suggest that your friend start by praying (always the best source), then ask her ward Family History Specialists.  If they aren’t sure, call the temple and ask them.  There is a way that she can enjoy the blessing of being sealed.  Her situation might end up being different than my friend’s, but there is certainly a way.

Gramps

Question

Gramps,

If a woman was married in the temple and her husband was abusive in this life, can she have that marriage cancelled and marry another in the temple?
Teresa

Answer

Teresa,

First, be assured that our loving Father in Heaven will not force anyone to be with someone who is abusive in the next life.  My understanding of what happens, in this life, in these situations, is that usually the couple divorces, but it is a civil divorce.  The sealing will not be canceled until she meets someone else that she desires to be sealed to in the temple.  At that time, not sooner, she can ask that her previous sealing be cancelled.  The process of of having a sealing cancelled will eventually require First Presidency approval.  Once the sealing is cancelled, the woman may be sealed to another in the temple.

If it happens, that the woman does not remarry, and therefore, does not have her sealing cancelled, please be assured that the Lord will take care of it.  He wants our happiness, He will not force anyone to be together in the next life that does not want to be.  Sealing is not just about being sealed to one’s spouse, but it is about making eternal connections, like a great chain that links us all to our Father in Heaven.  That is why the sealing would not be cancelled unless she is ready to be sealed to someone else.

Gramps

Gramps,

I  have been married for 17 yrs and am sealed to my husband, however, he was sealed to his first wife for 19 years. She is not active and has been married for 11 years.  She was unfaithful during their marriage. He has asked to have the sealing canceled and our bishop sent it to the stake president. The stake president doesn’t feel like priesthood men should ask for a cancellation. This feels unfair to our marriage as we try to live the gospel. Will this ever change?

Wendy

Answer

Wendy,

Congratulations with the 17 years of marriage to your husband, and may you have many more years and well into the eternities with your husband. A sealing cancellation is a serious decision, and is taken very seriously by the Presidency of the Church. As I am not your stake president I can only speculate what he may or may not be thinking. At this moment, we know that a man may be sealed to more than one women while living. A sealing is not something to take lightly, even after divorce. We don’t know all or what is affected from a sealing that has been canceled. Our Father in heaven does, and fortunately all things are worked out in the end through a loving and compassionate Heavenly Father.

In light of this, I can see the stake president thinking to himself that his previous sealing doesn’t affect your current sealing with your husband. If this doesn’t affect your relationship (it doesn’t) there doesn’t seem/appear to be any need for a sealing cancellation with the first wife, unless of course she requests it. At the same time though, if you think something isn’t fair, you can ask the stake president to share with you why he doesn’t feel it is necessary, and if he can share with you what counsel we have received from the brethren in the Church Handbook of Instruction. If you still feel something is off, and are needing a second witness, you can reach out to your local area authority to confirm the counsel received. If confirmed, then you have a choice to feel this is still unfair, or to recognize his previous sealing will not affect your relationship now in mortality, nor will it affect your relationship in the eternities. All things are worked out by a perfect, loving, and compassionate Father in heaven.

May the Lord bless you with peace and comfort through a circumstance that doesn’t appear right to you.

Gramps

Gramps,

My parents divorced when I was 7. A few years later, both married other people.  My mom and stepfather joined the church. My stepfather died of cancer 3 months after his baptism and my mom chose to be sealed to him a year later. My dad passed away a few years later as well.  I was close to my dad so I want to wait till my mom dies so I can be sealed to both.  Because they divorced I’m not sure if I can.  I don’t want to spend all this time missing the chance to be sealed to my mom and stepfather. What do I do?

Angie

Answer

Dear Angie

Your question reminds me of a young friend of mine who had a similar problem. His parents divorced when he was young, and his mom remarried around the time he was 3 or 4 years old. His stepfather was an inactive member of the Church. Around the time of my young friend’s 8th birthday, his stepfather reactivated and baptized my friend and his mom. Unfortunately, my friend’s dad still hasn’t joined the church, but they are very close. My friend loves his dad, and he told me he was worried that if his dad ever decided to join the church, his dad would be upset if he couldn’t be sealed to him. He was in a real quandary, because he loved his stepdad too. His stepdad was a good man, but my friend just didn’t feel right leaving his dad alone, so he chose not to be sealed to the rest of his family.  My friend’s mom was sad about his decision, but understood his feelings and never pushed him to join the rest of the family.

Years later, after my friend’s stepfather passed away, he was talking to his wife about an upcoming visit by his mom, when a powerful feeling of peace and contentment washed over him. His greatest fear had been his dad being alone in the afterlife, but it was revealed to him, at that moment, that all his concerns would be worked out in the next life, and that for now he needed to be eternally connected to his family. He told his mom and she was excited; she had been praying to be united with her son for many years. They went straight to the temple and got it done. He felt a great amount of peace and comfort about his decision.

I think that you should pray about whether you should go ahead and be sealed to your mom and stepdad. If you feel peace about it, like my young friend did, you should go ahead and be sealed to your family.  It will be one of the best decisions you could ever make. All inconsistencies will be worked out in the next life, and you will receive a measure of comfort and strength from being sealed to your stepdad, mom, and the rest of your family. There won’t be any frowning faces in the Celestial Kingdom, and I know that the situation with your dad will be worked out in the next life the same way it will be for my young friend.

Gramps