Gramps,

Why should we care how others live their lives? 

Nathan

Answer

When Jesus was asked to identify the greatest law, He responded candidly: “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. … And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (see Matthew 22:37-39). Notably, He attached equal significance to loving others as to loving God, emphasizing that “on these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

Within the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, this commandment is inseparable from the first. To love God is to love His children—all of them—without discrimination or exclusion. Love is a powerful motivator to perform good works. The Book of Mormon instructs us that if we have ‘faith, hope, and charity… [we] will always abound in good works.’” Charity, as described by the Apostle Paul and echoed in the Book of Mormon, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, and endures all things.

Central to this doctrine is the understanding that charity—the pure love of Christ—makes loving one’s neighbor not just an obligation but an opportunity to transform both self and society. As Joseph Smith taught,

“Nothing is so much calculated to lead people to forsake sin as to take them by the hand, and watch over them with tenderness. When persons manifest the least kindness and love to me, O what power it has over my mind….”

The Church teaches that everyone is a literal child of Heavenly Father, and that showing genuine compassion brings us closer to Him and to each other.

One might assume it’s easy to love everyone when surrounded by like-minded individuals. Yet the world is teeming with diversity—different cultures, beliefs, political opinions, and life experiences. Even within a single congregation, complete uniformity of thought or personality is a myth.

Having the ability to compare and contrast ideas is a great blessing, enriching discussions and deepening friendships. But when differences turn into divisions—when other viewpoints are viewed as threats—kindness is often the first casualty. Social media, especially, creates what has been called an “echo chamber,” reinforcing our own views and making it even more difficult to truly listen or empathize with others.

How often do we justify not helping a neighbor? When we pass by someone in need—at a street corner or in our own community—it’s easy to rationalize inaction by blaming their circumstances or doubting their intentions. “Their own poor decisions are what got them there … so they aren’t my responsibility.” Yet, as Church leaders and scripture repeatedly point out, none of these justifications are valid. … We must do all we can do. … All we can see is what is right in front of us, and that should be motivation enough to help.

The Savior’s example in the parable of the Good Samaritan reminds us that love is not passive—it is proactive, crossing boundaries of comfort, prejudice, and even personal risk. True discipleship requires personal effort and an awareness that the responsibility to care for the poor and needy is not just collective but also individual.

Many find that real acts of love—delivering a meal, opening up to an outsider, or forgiving a hurt—can invoke anxiety, fear of rejection, or discomfort with difference. We do not grow if we remain in our comfort zones. Charity is a wonderful way to become more Christlike and to love people who are different than you.

Perhaps the highest test of loving our neighbor is the call to serve those we dislike or misunderstand. Words attributed to Abraham Lincoln, “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better,” members are encouraged to reach out actively. Any act of service opens our hearts to those we serve. After all, we will truly be serving our Lord.

Notably, acts of service not only bring blessings to recipients but also healing, happiness, and spiritual refinement to the giver. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught,

“As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit.”

True inclusion—where we genuinely invite those different from us into our lives, not just our communities—requires effort, humility, and seeing others as God sees them. The early Christian Saints in Jerusalem and later the Nephites in the Americas experienced remarkable unity when “they had all things common among them … there were not rich and poor … but they were all made free, and partakers of the heavenly gift” (see Acts 2:44-47; 4 Nephi 1:2-3). Such unity, the Church teaches, does not demand sameness but celebrates the divine worth and agency of every child of God.

President Russell M. Nelson, addressing social and political divisions, urged:

“Simply stated, we strive to build bridges of cooperation rather than walls of segregation … We are all connected, and we have a God-given responsibility to help make life better for those around us. We don’t have to be alike or look alike to have love for each other. We don’t even have to agree with each other to love each other.”

Central to loving one’s neighbor is alleviating suffering and inequality. Scripture plainly states, “it is not given that one man should possess that which is above another, wherefore the world lieth in sin” (Doctrine & Covenants 49:20). If each of us had as much concern for others as we have for ourselves, essentially all of our social problems would be solved. Selfishness and self-interest lie at the root of many of our social ills.

The Church’s welfare program and humanitarian relief, inspired by biblical teachings (see Matthew 25:35-36), show that one of the main factors in that final judgment will be how willing we were to help others during this life. Helping others is expected not out of compulsion, but as an act of the heart. As President Marion G. Romney noted, “The efficacy of our prayers depends upon our liberality to the poor.”

Many resources encourage beginning with what you have and where you are—whether delivering a meal, making a donation, or simply offering a listening ear. Whatever and however you choose to give, start giving. Right now. … The Lord commanded us to care for the poor and needy, not just collectively but individually. This is your charge and obligation.

If fear or social anxiety is holding you back, try stepping outside your comfort zone with a simple act. Even small acts ripple outward in ways we cannot predict or control.

If you struggle to love those very different from you, one useful principle is to understand men and women as they are, and not understand them as you are. As Brother Brigham Young counseled,

“Your hearts should be filled with kindness—with brotherly, angelic feeling—to overlook their faults as far as possible. … It is for God to judge, condemn, punish, reward … but not for men. He will forgive whom he will forgive, but of us he required to forgive all men.” 

Practice listening with humility and patience, even to those you disagree with. Whether in person or online, aim to build bridges, not walls. Cooperation and goodwill are the foundations of peace and progress.

Gramps

Gramps,

In the Book of Mormon, it is recounted that a previous Lamanite was recruited by the Nephites to trick the Lamanite guards into drinking strong wine, thereby helping rescue Nephite prisoners.  He, of course, lied that he was an escaped prisoner.  My question then is whether or not lying is sometimes justified, for example, a CIA agent must lie to serve their country.

Spencer

Answer

Spencer,

From childhood, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are taught that honesty is essential. The commandment “Thou shalt not lie” echoes through scripture and across the pulpits of Sunday meetings. There is no question that we need to be honest in our thoughts, actions, and comments … Satan is the father of all lies … [and] the Lord commands us … Thou shalt not lie; he that lieth and will not repent shall be cast out. He did not tell us that it was okay to tell a ‘white,’ ‘little,’ for ‘fun’ lie.”

Scriptural warnings associate lying with other gross sins, such as murder and adultery. To lie is as gross a sin as any of the others … because when one tells a lie, it can never do good, but only direct people to that which is not true or which will not happen or leave an unsavory false impression of the character of someone else. This view shows the serious consequences of dishonesty in spiritual and social life.

But is the moral command to be honest always absolute? Or do exceptional circumstances permit, or even require, a different approach?

Every day experiences often muddy the clarity of black-and-white moral rules. What about the call center worker required by an employer to lie to customers, or the parent who struggles over whether to keep the magic of Santa alive? What about lying to save a life in times of war or persecution?

To the call center worker: No one is forcing you to stay or to be dishonest. Whether or not you are dishonest is a choice you make every day. As such, you have the choice to remain or leave… if you feel you are being dishonest, then I hope you will actively seek another job opportunity to find peace within your own heart. This counsel highlights that integrity involves both action and intent. Excuses—no matter how practical or commonplace—do not erase the personal responsibility for one’s choices.

For many, the question of harmless or so-called “white” lies is especially alluring. Consider the issue of Santa Claus. Is it wrong to perpetuate childhood myths? 

The consensus? Each family must decide how they will handle it with their own children, monitoring not just words, but also the lessons those words teach. Kids are not what we say, but what we do; and we must set a good example for them to follow.

But what about deception used to shield the innocent or prevent harm? Church history, scripture, and even biblical precedent suggest occasions when withholding truth—or even outright lying—may serve a higher purpose.

The story of Abraham, who described his wife Sarai as his sister to the Pharaoh, is one such example: In order to prevent this from happening, Abraham obeyed the words of the Lord, and as a result, his life was spared … Did Abram speak the truth? Yes. Did Abram speak the whole truth? No. The bottom-line principle invoked is that, sometimes, protecting or preserving life may outweigh absolute transparency—especially when following divine command or revelation.

This complicated dilemma recurs throughout history. During World War II, hiding refugees or buying food on the black market presented moral quandaries. What would Jesus do? We know from the life of our Savior that Jesus trusted in His Father’s love, His Father’s will … He would have prayed to know His Father’s will; once revealed, he would have followed. In all such cases, whatever His Father revealed would be right and obeyed. In essence, the guidance of personal revelation and the alignment with God’s will take precedence during moral dilemmas.

Some situations require discernment between outright lying and skillful manipulation for good. Police stings, parental guidance, and even staged interventions may employ deception for righteous ends. Let’s differentiate between manipulation and bearing false witness: The police are manipulating a situation to attract those who normally engage in such activity … Parents manipulate their children to help them uncover the truth, identify the consequences of lying, and lead lives of integrity … the ends justify the means. While this viewpoint is not universally held, it reflects a pragmatic recognition of intent and outcome in specific cases.

Despite these nuanced considerations, the long-term consequences of dishonesty are clear within Church teaching. Lying destroys trust—a vital element in relationships with others and with God. When you lie, the person who will tell one lie can never be trusted with anything that he says, because if he lies about one thing, one never knows when he may be telling the truth. So it is useless to listen to, or therefore have anything to do with, a person who cannot be trusted to tell the truth.

Sin—especially habitual lying—can create spiritual chains that are too strong to be broken. Being trapped in the snares of dishonesty and misrepresentation does not happen instantaneously. One little lie or dishonest act leads to another until the perpetrator is caught in the web of deceit. This image is both cautionary and illuminating. Even when no apparent harm results, the spiritual toll on the liar can be profound, leading to guilt, loss of self-respect, and a diminished ability to feel the Spirit.

Repentance, here, requires more than a plea to God. When possible, it may necessitate confession, apology, and restitution to those deceived. What would be the harm in telling the person you lied to that it was a lie? Would you be embarrassed? … All of those are very real possibilities, but we need to ask ourselves, are we really trying to change our ways? True repentance is uncomfortable but ultimately liberating.

Church history itself grapples with complex questions of honesty and necessity. For example, Joseph Smith’s denials regarding the practice of plural marriage have drawn scrutiny. Historians suggest that Smith may have felt compelled to use evasive language to protect others and shield his faith community amid legal and social threats—a move reminiscent of biblical precedents. Brian C. Hale wrote: “When contextualized, the denials of polygamy appear to represent a singular behavior, rather than the tip of a prevarication iceberg for Joseph and the other Saints.” The line between divine mandate, personal risk, and truth-telling is seldom neat in history.

Furthermore, early Christian thinkers sometimes justified useful deception or air deception in the administration of church affairs to help [their communities] along or to protect the reach of evil, wicked, and conspiring men. While such reasoning has its critics, it does show how the imperative to do good often interacts in complicated ways with the command to be honest.

For individuals who have lied and feel the pangs of regret, all is not lost. Repentance and the demonstration of integrity in future actions can restore trust and self-respect, though the full resolution of this will take time. The trust can be rebuilt, but only as your actions demonstrate. The journey toward honesty is deeply personal, shaped by both divine guidance and our willingness to make amends.

Ultimately, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are encouraged to saturate their lives and testimony with truth. Hugh Nibley eloquently warns:

“By the word alone we make a common universe of discourse. So we can easily see why we should watch our words with fear and trembling, and why a lie is the most heinous of all crimes … The person who will tell one lie can never be trusted with anything that he says, because if he lies about one thing one never knows when he may be telling the truth.” The cumulative message is clear: a commitment to honesty is a divine mandate, necessary for real relationships, the building of Zion, and peace of soul. (Hugh Nibley, H. (1979). Brother Brigham Challenges the Saints. In The Collected Works of Hugh Nibley (Vol. 13, p. 390). [PDF])

In the end, honesty isn’t just about keeping rules—it’s about becoming a trustworthy soul, someone who can be entrusted by God and loved ones alike. As each of us faces our own dilemmas—big and small—may we have the integrity to both seek and act according to the highest truth.

Gramps

Gramps,

What religions are most similar to us? How can I relate to my friends of other religions?

Marlena

Answer

Marlena,

Despite real doctrinal differences, there is a surprising overlap among many world religions and the beliefs of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Fundamental principles—love, service, kindness, forgiveness, and the quest for truth—can be found in nearly every religious tradition.

For example, the virtues of serving the needy, loving one’s neighbor, and practicing compassion are cornerstones in both Christianity and various other religions, such as Islam, Hinduism, and Buddhism. The experience of Khalid Al Ameri, a Muslim who broke his fast with a Latter-day Saint family, beautifully illustrates this point:

“What I have learned today from a family of Latter-day Saints … is that above all, the similarities in our religion is a foundation that we both share — and that is to be good people and to be kind to those around us … What the learned together is the importance of simply being good the best way we know how. When we look around, we find that and see that in other people. That is what brings us closer together; that is what makes this world a better place.”

A sincere exchange between faiths is as much about finding shared values as it is about understanding differences. Many religions, including Judaism, Islam, and Christianity, hold prayer, fasting, and studying sacred texts in high regard. Kindness, hope, faith, and humanitarian efforts are universally treasured. Embracing these commonalities can deepen one’s own spiritual life while fostering authentic bonds of friendship and respect.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has an explicit tradition of seeking and upholding truth wherever it is found. Brigham Young declared:

It is our duty and calling, as ministers of the same salvation and Gospel, to gather every item of truth and reject every error. Whether a truth be found with professed infidels, or with the Universalists, or the Church of Rome, or the Methodists, the Church of England, the Presbyterians, the Baptists, the Quakers, the Shakers, or any other of the various and numerous different sects and parties, all of whom have more or less truth, it is the business of the Elders of this Church (Jesus, their Elder Brother, being at their head) to gather up all the truths in the world pertaining to life and salvation, to the Gospel we preach, … to the sciences, and to philosophy, wherever it may be found in every nation, kindred, tongue, and people and bring it to Zion (DBY, 248).

Personal reflections and stories from Church members illustrate how learning about other religious traditions not only builds bridges but also strengthens character and deepens discipleship within the Church. Consider a few vivid examples:

Many Latter-day Saints admire the Catholic faith for its ancient traditions, rituals, and its global emphasis on service and healing. As one Latter-day Saint observed, lessons of compassion and prioritizing the needy—summed up by Pope Francis’s teaching that “the church needs most today … to heal wounds and to warm the hearts of the faithful”—can inspire increased acts of kindness and empathy amongst Latter-day Saints.

The evangelical community’s enthusiasm for the Bible, reliance on grace, and commitment to sharing faith are often cited as examples that Latter-day Saints can emulate to improve their own scripture study and outreach.

Jewish contributions to humanity—despite frequent adversity—demonstrate perseverance, scholarship, and a celebration of faith. These are traits that Latter-day Saints often admire and may strive to incorporate in facing their own challenges.

With half a billion followers, Buddhism’s emphasis on meditation, peace, and compassionate living offers lessons in humility, awareness, and intentional living that can enrich daily discipleship for Church members.

The Muslim focus on prayer, discipline, charity, and familial bonds echoes many Latter-day Saint priorities. Shared values exist in the daily application of one’s beliefs and in the struggle for fair representation and understanding in the public eye.

Even those of less familiar or more controversial traditions offer positive examples: Jehovah’s Witnesses excel in missionary outreach, and Scientologists are known for their addiction recovery programs. Each example is a building block for greater appreciation and understanding.

Notwithstanding these points of intersection, studies indicate that many Latter-day Saints are unfamiliar with other faiths. In a 2019 Pew Research Center survey, members of the Church averaged less than 7 out of 15 on a quiz covering world religions—one of the lowest scores among Christian denominations. Yet, increased religious knowledge is consistently linked to more positive views of other groups, creating a virtuous cycle of respect, dialogue, and friendship.

How can this change?

1. Having candid, respectful conversations with friends and neighbors of other faiths is the best way to gain understanding. Asking others about their beliefs with genuine interest can illuminate similarities and foster empathy, reducing fear and misunderstanding.

2. While sharing your faith is natural, authentic friendship should not be conditional on another’s interest in the Church. Relationships must be built—and maintained—on mutual respect, regardless of religious choices.

3. Comparative religion classes, books, and Church resources (such as “The Restored Gospel and World Religions” course in the Church’s Institute program) provide accessible and truthful platforms to gain understanding.

4. People outside the Church have spiritual experiences of their own. Validating these moments, rather than dismissing them, is a potent way to forge mutual respect.

5. At the end of the day, most people seek similar things: a strong family, a sense of purpose, kindness, and a better world. M. Russell Ballard taught,

“For the most part, our neighbors not of our faith are good, honorable people—every bit as good and honorable as we strive to be. … They are kind and loving and generous and faithful, just like we seek to be.”

Essential to the restored gospel is the notion of inclusivity and the recognition that “all spiritual paths have value.” In the words of Dr. Mauro Properzi, “Learning about other religions is a pragmatic necessity rooted in a spiritual foundation for Latter-day Saints who want to build effective and mutually fulfilling relationships of collaboration.” The balance between the Church’s unique doctrinal claims and its charitable recognition of general religious goodness creates a harmony that can encompass all truth.

The ties between the Church and world religions go even deeper when examining doctrines such as the eternal progression of the soul (paralleling Hindu beliefs in spiritual development), or universal compassion and oneness (echoes of Buddhist and Hindu thought). The gospel’s breadth allows for a perspective that is broad, inclusive, and transformative.

If you’re ready to widen your heart and enrich your understanding, start today. Ask a friend about their faith. Read a new perspective. Celebrate how much good can be found across the world’s faiths.

Gramps

Gramps,

I realize that we are to remain completely chaste before marriage, but what about cohabiting with single persons of the opposite sex in a completely platonic arrangement? Does church policy have a specific stance? If circumstances require that living arrangements be coed, and the law of chastity is not being broken,  it seems to me that this shouldn’t be a problem.

Sheldon

Answer

Sheldon,

One of the core teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is regarding sexuality and relationships, called the Law of Chastity. This commandment calls for complete abstinence from sexual relations before marriage and total fidelity within marriage. But the Law of Chastity is not limited to specific acts; it encompasses thoughts, actions, and living situations that may lead to temptation or the perception of moral compromise.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, a senior leader in the Church, powerfully taught about the sacredness of intimate relationships and the necessity of expressing this intimacy solely within the bounds of marriage:

Human intimacy is reserved for a married couple because it is the ultimate symbol of total union, a totality and a union ordained and defined by God…” He then added, “Such a total union, such an unyielding commitment between a man and a woman, can only come with the proximity and permanence afforded in a marriage covenant, with solemn promises and the pledge of all they possess—their very hearts and minds, all their days and all their dreams.

Shared living spaces between unmarried men and women—even if intended to be purely platonic—can challenge adherence to the Law of Chastity and place individuals in situations that may erode the boundaries they wish to maintain. Many relationships that begin as strictly platonic can develop into something more, putting both individuals at risk of violating their values, even unintentionally.

When it comes to cohabitation between unmarried couples in a romantic relationship, the stance of The Church is clear. Living together before marriage is discouraged not merely because it increases the risk of sexual transgression (though it certainly does), but also because it undermines the level of commitment necessary for a strong marital foundation.

Research and experience show that couples who cohabit before marriage are, statistically, less likely to possess the lasting commitment integral to a stable marriage. In the words of one counselor responding to a concerned parent of a cohabiting son:

…cohabitation is both morally wrong and it increases the likelihood of break-up or divorce (85% of these relationships end within 5 years whether they get married later or not, according to the research we did).

This data reflects the experience that the stability of marriage is most secure when both parties are willing to make formal, binding commitments to one another before beginning life together. The Church teaches that marriage is not ‘just a piece of paper,’ but rather the sacred, public, and legal declaration of mutual commitment—a prerequisite for both the romantic and practical foundations of family life.

Some members, especially young single adults or college students, may wonder about purely platonic living arrangements with someone of the opposite sex. On this issue, the guidance is less about explicit rules and more about principles and wisdom. I’ve said in the past:

I’m not aware of any specific Church policy prohibiting the practice, but in general, platonic cohabitation strikes me as a most unwise arrangement both because it courts temptation and because it presents the appearance of evil, which we are taught to avoid.

This counsel emphasizes two critical concerns:

1. Human nature and experience show that boundaries can blur over time.

2. Even if no breach of chastity occurs, others may perceive impropriety. The Apostle Paul taught, “Abstain from all appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22).

In summary, while there may not be a direct prohibition against platonic cohabitation between single church members, the recommendation is strong against it due to the risks to one’s reputation, example to others, and emotional and spiritual well-being.

The emphasis on avoiding the “appearance of evil” is not just a matter of individual morality; it is a concern for the community. Members of The Church are taught to be “examples of the believers,” mindful that actions, however innocent in intention, may influence those with weaker faith or outside observers considering joining the faith.

President James E. Faust once said:

Staying away from the edge is an individual responsibility… Our moral agency requires us to know good from evil and choose the good. If we are trying to avoid, not only evil, but the very appearance of evil, we will act for ourselves and not be acted upon.

These principles are especially crucial given the Church’s high priority on family, youth, and missionary efforts. The example set by members in their everyday lives often speaks as powerfully as sermons or lessons.

Gramps

Gramps,

The Church’s traditional culture (specifically in the US) has long been part of my family’s culture. I understand that customs aren’t doctrine and are subject to change. However, it’s still hard to listen to mission companions talk about how “it’s a good thing that we’re moving away from all that boring stuff,” and friends excitedly talking about how we can move on from the older hymns now. How can I better accept the cultural changes without feeling like we’re losing ourselves?

Erica

Answer

Dear Erica,

I have no way of knowing how you can best deal with these changes, but I have some ideas that might help, and perhaps through them, you will find what works best for you.

First, I must restate the obvious: Jesus Christ is the answer to every problem. The more intently you focus on Him and His doctrine, the less important other things and other people’s preferences will be. Through prayer, you can ask God to teach you and to soften your heart, so that you can view these changes through His eyes, or learn from Him how to rejoice in seeing the variety of ways that others enjoy the gospel. You can also express your love for our traditional culture and sorrow at the possibility of its loss. You can ask the Lord how to help others see beauty in the things you love, and to help you avoid letting these changes become a stumbling block for you or others.

Remember that losing ourselves is exactly what Christ has asked us to do.

Second, just because someone else doesn’t enjoy “If You Could Hie to Kolob” doesn’t mean you can’t continue to enjoy it to no end.  Yes, as things change, your shared experience will change, but your personal and family experiences can focus wherever you choose to focus them.

Third, share your passion. Some have speculated that the new hymns, for example, are to help converts feel more “at home” through hymns they recognize. Perhaps you can befriend a convert and share with each other which hymns you enjoy, and why, so that both are edified.  I have a friend who believes that changes in the presentation of the endowment are to help young members and converts, who grew up without symbolism as a common language, learn faster and better how and why to live their covenants – to discover sooner the deeper meanings to be found in the temple. If you have an understanding of those symbols, through your family culture, perhaps you can go to the temple with a friend and help them to see the beauty in the symbols there.

Can you speak passionately about how thrilling “all that boring stuff” actually is? If so, share your passion with your friends, and celebrate their passion for the new, even if you can’t feel excited about it yourself.  At the end of the day, you have a choice: mourn alone, or celebrate together. Choose to celebrate together! Everything that brings anyone to Christ is a good thing.  You don’t have to love the new hymns, but if a new hymn or a policy change or some other new thing is what it takes to bring even one soul to Jesus Christ, should we not welcome it and rejoice?

Fourth, have you ever wondered how Latter-day Saints in Peru, or Russia, or Vietnam, or Samoa, or Zambia perceive our hymns and traditions? What you are experiencing may help you to have compassion for others in similar situations. Spending time “in their shoes” – together with a prayer to ask the Lord to help you – might give you the sort of perspective that will help you to welcome additions to our culture.

Fifth, perhaps additions are exactly what they are. The addition of new doesn’t always require the removal of old, even if the frequency changes.  Once again, going to the Lord may help you to see how the Lord would have you change.

Finally, changes to something you love “as-is” are hard. Yet the gospel of Jesus Christ is all about change. As the Lord’s coming draws closer, we will all have to change faster than ever before, and sadly, wickedness will increase at an accelerating pace as well. Perhaps changes in music and policy are to help us learn to better adapt to change. Didn’t the Come, Follow Me program and “2-hour Sunday meetings” changes help us adapt to the impact of COVID-19? Trust that the Lord knows what He’s doing. Trust that these changes are for good reason. Go to Him in prayer, testify of your trust, and ask Him what He would have you do to help you make the most of these changes. Then get up and do whatever He instructs – whether it’s to shore up your firm foundation, or to let your light shine, or whatever else.

I trust that the Lord is in charge. I testify that He and His gospel are what matters, and that learning to be guided by the Holy Ghost is essential. Focus your efforts here, Erica!  Stay true, and the Lord will see you through whatever changes may come.

Gramps

Gramps,

Are members today free masons?

Gloria

Answer

Gloria,

Yes, there are.  Many of them, in fact.

For many years Latter-day Saints were blackballed (literally) from membership in Utah lodges.  But that was not so elsewhere.  Today there is no prohibition from Masons becoming Saints, nor Saints from becoming Masons.  You may be concerned about the similarities of signs and tokens.  That isn’t as true as some believe.

If you go to all the lodges around the country, you’ll find that they don’t all have the same signs and tokens.  Some are similar.  Some are not.  Some are identical.  Some are completely different.  It really is hit or miss.

The important thing is that they are for different purposes.  See my earlier article on the topic here:

Reading about the Freemason’s handshake has caused great doubt of my faith.  Can you help or explain?

Have fun exploring.

 Gramps

Hey Gramps,

My dream college is a non religious small college in Colorado. My parents are telling me that I will no longer belong to the Church if I don’t go to BYU. They say I may lead into temptation if I am not surrounded by peers who are in the Church.   Are they right? I love my religion but I want to go to a small school.

Brendo

Answer

Hey Brendo,

This is actually a tough question. After all, we should obey our parents wishes and try to do as they ask. Obviously, if we are minors we don’t have a choice in the matter. If we are over the age of 18 but they are still signing the checks, we don’t have a choice in the matter either. To make things more complicated, even if we are well past the age of 18 and our parents no longer support us financially , it can still be difficult and challenging to do things that they might disagree with.

Compounding the difficulty of this question is that the topic is very subjective. Almost everyone reading this can safely say that adultery is wrong. Stealing is wrong. There is no black and white-both actions are just flat out wrong. However, not going to a religious school isn’t morally wrong. In fact, I know of many active, believing LDS who did not go to a religious school. On the other side, I do know of people who did go to a religious school who tragically, have left the faith. It’s not just an “LDS” problem. Many kids who went to Catholic/Evangelical colleges no longer practice their faiths and many Catholic/Evangelical kids who went to secular school still practice their faith.

The one thing that isn’t complicated is that your parents love you and want the best for you. They also know that as you “spread your wings” and encounter the world, they can no longer protect you against some negatives influences that the world has. They (understandably and correctly) want you to have a firm foundation before they set you off on your own path, and their desire for you to go to a religious school is totally understandable. Also, I touched on it in the first paragraph, but if your parents are paying for your college education and they demand you to go to a religious school, (their right, if they are paying for it), I’m honestly not sure what you can do, aside from adhere to their wishes or, get a job and pay for college yourself.

I want you to remember that just going to a secular college does not mean you have to cut all ties with your faith. If you go to a secular college they might have an LDS Student Association, or Institute or other LDS group activities that you can join. Also, I strongly encourage you to join the local ward near the college. If you told your parents that you were planning to do that, they might be more open to the idea of you going to a secular school.

Brendo, I’d like to conclude on a personal note. Ask Gramps is a team of writers, and we all have had different experiences in life, including college. For this writer, college was the greatest time of my life up to that point. I made lifelong friends who, after 15 years, I still talk to and make wonderful memories. It is my prayer that college, wherever you may go, is the same experience for you.

Blessings,

Gramps

Gramps,

What does being the Lord’s covenant people have to do with how I dress or act?

Lee

Answer

Dear Lee,

When the Lord enters into a covenant with an entire group of people, He includes a set of commandments to set them apart and mark them as His holy people. I encourage you to click on that link to learn more about the Law of Holiness throughout the dispensations.

It might not be clear as to how our dress or speech makes us holy, and Elder Christofferson has even noted this seeming incongruity:

Zechariah prophesied that in the day of the Lord’s millennial reign, even the bells of the horses would bear the inscription “Holiness unto the Lord.” In that spirit, the pioneer Saints in these valleys affixed that reminder, “Holiness to the Lord,” on seemingly common or mundane things as well as those more directly associated with religious practice. It was inscribed on sacrament cups and plates and printed on certificates of ordination of Seventies and on a Relief Society banner. “Holiness to the Lord” also appeared over the display windows of Zion’s Cooperative Mercantile Institution, the ZCMI department store. It was found on the head of a hammer and on a drum. “Holiness to the Lord” was cast on the metal doorknobs of President Brigham Young’s home. These references to holiness in seemingly unusual or unexpected places may seem incongruous, but they suggest just how pervasive and constant our focus on holiness needs to be.

The purpose behind the Law of Holiness is to mark the Lord’s people as different from others but, as with the outward ordinances, it bears little effect if it is not accompanied by a real and substantial change in our nature. As I observed earlier:

It is not enough for our actions and our God to be holy, but we ourselves must also let this holiness seep into our very beings. We must be holy. The ideal was captured in reality in a city so holy, it was named for it. “And … [Enoch] built a city that was called the City of Holiness, even Zion” (Moses 7:19). As a people, Latter-day Saints are striving (like Enoch’s people) to have God’s own name (Man of Holiness) placed on us by having His character place in us. We have temples that have been set apart to the Lord (Holiness to the Lord) that invite us to be holy. We have the charge to be a Zion people, set apart from Babylon, Idumea, or the world (D&C 1:36, D&C 133:14, see also D&C 133:5).

Gramps

Hey Gramps,

I have a friend who has had bad experiences with men and priesthood leaders in the past, which has made it hard for her to open up to bishops, and men in general. She has been doing better recently, but even the fact that Jesus and Heavenly Father are men has been hard for her in the past, and she has prayed to Heavenly Mother in those times. What advice do you have for women who are struggling to feel understood when so many leaders in the Church are men?

Stephen

Answer

Dear Stephen,

Because of His Atonement, Christ is able to heal all of our wounds, including those of your friend.  However, such healing takes time.  Since you are the one writing to me, I will direct my advice to you.  Be patient.  Be a good listener.  Suggest therapy if she is open to it.  Fast and pray for her, and then trust that the Lord can heal all wounds.  Often survivors of sexual assault have difficulty trusting men, if that is the case here, Sister Cheiko Okasaki gave a wonderful talk that includes advice for survivors, family, friends and leaders.  It’s called Healing from Sexual Abuse.

Gramps

Dear Gramps,

How do you know when you have done “all that you can do”? I confess to be a perfectionist and worry-wart. I have high expectations of myself and others. I want to do all that I can do. But I also don’t want to ignore the gift of the atonement. I bounce back and forth between worrying that I am not doing enough or all that I can do and that I am not fully accepting and grateful for the infinite sacrifice that Jesus made for all. I heard these same worries expressed by my friend in scripture study last week. Will you please offer some wise words to help us make peace with these troublesome worries?

Nina

Answer

Dear Nina,

I think it’s great to be a perfectionist, if you will accept yourself as being not yet perfect. But to strive for perfection at the expense of output is counterproductive. One would be less perfect spending all one’s time on perfecting minutia, than producing a less perfect but practical output. So one must balance perfectionism with practicality.

Richard L. Evans, who was the voice for the tabernacle choir years ago, in one of his sermonets said,

“To Joseph Smith, at a time when he seemed impatient to move faster than circumstances permitted, the Lord said: Do not run faster or labor more than you have strength and means provided … but be diligent unto the end (Doctrine and Covenants 10:4). That we shall go quickly or that we shall perform spectacularly is not important, but that we shall safely and surely move from hour to hour and day to day, and that we shall not lose the way, are things vital to all men who would realize their highest possibilities” (Improvement Era 1941).

In your question you are talking about two different things that may not be directly related. We accept the Savior’s sacrifice by repenting of wrong doing, not by producing output. So if we are living a pure life with respect to obedience to the principles of the gospel, we are indeed accepting the Savior’s sacrifice. To be perfect in following the Savior it is required that we forget ourselves in the service of others. This means that our thoughts and our attention are not directed toward introspection, but rather toward the welfare of others There would then not really be room for the kinds of questions that you ask. They just would not come up, because you would be thinking about something else.

Gramps

Dear Gramps,

I want to know what the church policy/standard is concerning females wishing to pursue a career in modeling? What guidelines can young women following with regards to fashion when on the runway or shooting pictures? Desperately needs an urgent answer to help my young women.

Shirlette

Answer

Dear Shirlette,

It is undoubtedly very difficult to explain to young people some of the principles of the gospel that do not conform to the social standards of the day. One of the problems in this case is that there are models and also there are models. The thing that must be guarded against at all costs is not to display the body itself rather than the clothing with which it is adorned. It is true that although both the intentions and the heart of the model may be pure, she nevertheless lives in a very impure society, and any public display of the body would be contrary to the scriptures and to the spirit of the gospel. As recorded by Paul in 1 Cor 3:16-17—

Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?

 

If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.

The key here is that our bodies themselves are very sacred and holy. One of the reasons for this is that they are composed in the very image of God, and therefore they are not to be used to incite emotions or to be displayed as a matter of pride.

It seems to me that it would be extremely difficult for a young person to restrict herself to modeling only appropriate clothing that does not unduly expose the physical form. It is perhaps a more difficult thing to do than to refrain from playing in a college sports competition on Sunday.

Also, why would any young woman want to choose a career as a model? Would it be that the pay is good and the opportunities to advance in the profession are excellent? Would it be that she would be contributing to the welfare of society, relieving human suffering, or advancing the frontiers of knowledge? I believe that a bit of introspection would reveal that the overriding emotion motivating such a desire would simply be a matter of pride–the desire to display and show off a well-shaped figure and a beautiful face.

If we only could help our young people to realize who they really are, and what their potential really is–not just in this life, but in the eternities, I imaging that the desire for a modeling career would plummet to near the bottom of the list.

Gramps

Gramps,

There’s a kid in my grade who came from a Spanish speaking country to the U.S.  He Is very lonely and barely speaks English. In fact, I’ve never heard him speak English only Spanish. I am currently learning Spanish but struggle to muster the confidence to speak with a native speaker. I feel the Holy Spirit pushing me very much to speak to him in Spanish but I can barely do small talk and don’t know what to do if I can’t understand. Advice please

Nikolas

Answer

Dear Nikolas,

Please, go and talk to your fellow student.  Don’t wait – not for anything.  In fact, go out of your way to find him as soon as possible and say hello.  He may be struggling more than you can imagine, and something as simple as someone saying “Hola, me llamo Nikolas” will lift his spirits, even if you can’t have a complex discussion in the same language.

When I read your question, I immediately remembered a story that is often repeated – including in the most-recent General Conference in the talk “Divine Discontent” by Michelle D. Craig:

A story I heard years ago has helped me recognize and then act on promptings from the Holy Ghost. Sister Bonnie D. Parkin, former Relief Society General President, shared the following:

 

“Susan … was a wonderful seamstress. President [Spencer W.] Kimball lived in [her] ward. One Sunday, Susan noticed that he had a new suit. Her father had recently … brought her some exquisite silk fabric. Susan thought that fabric would make a handsome tie to go with President Kimball’s new suit. So on Monday she made the tie. She wrapped it in tissue paper and walked up the block to President Kimball’s home.

 

“On her way to the front door, she suddenly stopped and thought, ‘Who am I to make a tie for the prophet? He probably has plenty of them.’ Deciding she had made a mistake, she turned to leave.

 

“Just then Sister Kimball opened the front door and said, ‘Oh, Susan!’

 

“Stumbling all over herself, Susan said, ‘I saw President Kimball in his new suit on Sunday. Dad just brought me some silk from New York … and so I made him a tie.’

 

“Before Susan could continue, Sister Kimball stopped her, took hold of her shoulders, and said: ‘Susan, never suppress a generous thought.’”

Don’t suppress this generous thought you’ve had, Nikolas.  Go see this student.  Explain to him that your Spanish isn’t very good, but you wanted to say hello anyway.  The Spirit may even help the two of you to communicate, but don’t worry if that doesn’t seem to happen.  The kindness of your act will surely have a positive effect – on both of you.  Imagine if you were in his situation.  Wouldn’t you feel grateful to have someone reach out to you?  Wouldn’t you be patient with the language difficulties?  I’ve been to several foreign countries where I either couldn’t speak the native language or couldn’t speak it well, and in every case, the people I interacted with were patient, and often very happy that I even tried to speak their language.  So trust the Spirit and go make a new friend!

Gramps