Gramps,

Rudgar Clawson implied in General Conference  (1908) that non-member couples are separated from each other until sealed together by someone in the temple. Is that true?

Len

Answer

Len,

In the October 1908 General Conference, Rudger Clawson made a statement that has led some readers to wonder: Do Latter-day Saints believe that non-member couples are separated from each other after death until they are sealed in the temple?

At first glance, his words can sound stark. But when we place his teaching alongside the broader framework of Latter-day Saint doctrine—especially teachings on eternal marriage, the spirit world, and proxy ordinances—a clearer and more hopeful picture emerges.

Clawson’s message centered on priesthood authority and the eternal nature of marriage covenants. In that 1908 conference, he stated:

“We understand that no marriage is valid in the sight of God, unless it be performed by one having authority… for time and for all eternity.”
(Conference Report, October 1908, pp. 46–47)

This statement reflects a key doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints: marriage, to continue beyond death, must be sealed by priesthood authority. Civil marriages, while meaningful and binding in mortality, are not automatically eternal in this theological framework.

However, it is important to notice what Clawson did not explicitly say. He did not describe in detail how relationships function in the spirit world, nor did he clearly declare that couples are consciously “separated” in an emotional or relational sense after death. His focus was on the validity of ordinances, not the mechanics of post-mortal relationships.

A crucial piece of Latter-day Saint belief that reshapes this question is the doctrine of the spirit world. According to scripture, those who did not receive the gospel in mortality are not left without hope. Through a vision received by Joseph F. Smith, now recorded in Doctrine and Covenants 138, we learn:

“The Lord… organized his forces and appointed messengers… to carry the light of the gospel to them that were in darkness.”
(Doctrine and Covenants 138:30)

And further:

“The dead who repent will be redeemed, through obedience to the ordinances of the house of God.”
(Doctrine and Covenants 138:58)

These teachings are essential because they show that those who were not sealed in life are not permanently cut off from that opportunity. The gospel is preached in the spirit world, and individuals may accept it there.

Latter-day Saints also practice proxy ordinances in temples, including baptisms and sealings, performed on behalf of those who have died. These ordinances do not override agency; rather, they extend the opportunity for individuals to accept the blessings of the gospel. This means that a couple married outside the Church is not permanently excluded from eternal marriage. If they accept the gospel in the spirit world, and if a sealing is performed for them by proxy, their marriage can become eternal at that point.

One concern that naturally arises is fairness—what about those who never had a real opportunity to accept the gospel or receive temple ordinances during their lifetime? Modern Church leaders have addressed this clearly. Dallin H. Oaks taught:

“Many of the most important deprivations of mortality will be set right in the Millennium.”
(“The Great Plan of Happiness,” Oct. 1993)

This reinforces a central Latter-day Saint belief that God is perfectly just and merciful, ensuring that every person will have a full and fair opportunity to receive all saving ordinances and blessings.

Rather than emphasizing separation, Latter-day Saint doctrine consistently emphasizes the continuation of families. President Gordon B. Hinckley taught:

“The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave..”
(“The Family: A Proclamation to the World“)

With all of this in view, a more precise answer emerges. It is true that marriages not sealed by priesthood authority do not yet carry the promise of eternal continuation. In that sense, they are not fully “bound” beyond death. However, it is not accurate to say that non-member couples are permanently separated or that they are denied the possibility of being together.

Latter-day Saint teachings do not provide detailed descriptions of whether couples are physically or socially separated in the spirit world. That idea goes beyond what has been clearly revealed. What has been revealed is that eternal marriage requires covenant sealing, and that God has provided a way for everyone to receive it—either in this life or the next.

When Rudger Clawson’s 1908 statement is read in isolation, it can sound like a harsh dividing line. But when placed within the full scope of Latter-day Saint doctrine, it becomes something quite different. It is not a declaration of permanent separation, but a statement about divine authority and the necessity of sacred ordinances. And those ordinances are not limited to mortality.

Through the preaching of the gospel in the spirit world, the work performed in temples, and the enduring principle of agency, Latter-day Saint theology ultimately points toward a God who is working to unite families rather than divide them. Relationships formed in love are not casually discarded; instead, they are invited into something greater—something eternal—through the ordinances He has provided.

Gramps

]]> https://askgramps.org/are-non-member-couples-separated-after-death/feed/ 0 https://askgramps.org/does-church-doctrine-state-there-will-be-polygamy-in-the-celestial-kingdom/ https://askgramps.org/does-church-doctrine-state-there-will-be-polygamy-in-the-celestial-kingdom/#respond Mon, 20 Apr 2026 08:00:14 +0000 https://askgramps.org/?p=73579 Question

Gramps,

Is there anything in church doctrine about whether polygamy will exist in the Celestial Kingdom? I have heard this, but wanted to know if it is church doctrine.

Charlene

Answer

Charlene,

This is one of those topics that tends to pop up in quiet conversations, late-night questions, or even just a passing comment in a Sunday School class: Will polygamy exist in the Celestial Kingdom? And more importantly, is that actually official doctrine in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints—or just something people have speculated about over time?

Let’s take a breath and sort through it together, because there’s a lot of history, a little bit of doctrine, and a fair amount of misunderstanding wrapped up in this question.

Let’s start with the scriptural foundation. Section 132 of the Doctrine and Covenants is the primary source for discussing plural marriage. It presents eternal marriage as essential to exaltation and includes plural marriage as part of a commandment given at a specific time and in a specific context by Joseph Smith.

But here’s the key: even though plural marriage appears in that revelation, the Church today does not teach that it is required for exaltation.

That idea is reinforced in modern teaching. For example, the Church’s official instruction manual, Gospel Topics, states plainly:

“The standard doctrine of the Church is monogamy… Plural marriage was practiced only for a period of time under commandment from God.” (“Plural Marriage in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints,” Gospel Topics Essay)

That alone already corrects a common misconception—that polygamy is somehow a standing or ongoing requirement. It’s not.

Now, where things get more complicated—and where your question really lives—is in the idea of eternity.

Some people point to the fact that a man can be sealed to more than one woman (for example, after the death of a spouse) and assume that means plural marriage must continue in the Celestial Kingdom. But Church leaders have been careful not to draw that conclusion.

In fact, Dallin H. Oaks addressed this very issue in a general conference talk. Speaking about complex sealing situations, he said:

“There is so much we do not know that our only sure reliance is to trust in the Lord and His love for His children.” (Trust in the Lord, Oct. 2019)

That’s a pretty direct acknowledgment: we don’t have all the details. And just as important, we’re not expected to figure them out on our own.

Elder Oaks has also spoken more personally about this. Because he himself is sealed to two wives (his first wife passed away), he’s had real-life reason to wrestle with the question. And his consistent message has been one of trust rather than speculation.

Similarly, Russell M. Nelson has emphasized focusing on covenants rather than trying to map out eternity. In one of his teachings on eternal marriage, he said:

“The ultimate objective of all we teach is to unite parents and children in faith in the Lord Jesus Christ… so that families can be sealed together eternally.” (Paraphrasing)

Notice what’s not there—there’s no emphasis on plural structure, only on eternal unity.

If we go back a bit further, earlier Church leaders sometimes spoke more openly about plural marriage as an eternal principle. But even then, there wasn’t a fully defined explanation of how it would function in the next life. And over time, the Church has moved away from speculation and toward a simpler, clearer focus: covenants, faithfulness, and trust in God.

President Gordon B. Hinckley made a very strong statement clarifying the Church’s position in modern times:

“I wish to state categorically that this Church has nothing whatever to do with those practicing polygamy… If any of our members are found to be practicing plural marriage, they are excommunicated.”
(Mormons and Polygamy)

Now, that quote is about current practice, not eternity—but it reinforces something important: plural marriage is not part of the Church’s present doctrine or expectation for members.

So when people jump from “it existed” to “it must exist forever,” they’re filling in a gap that Church leaders themselves have intentionally left open.

And that brings us to what may be the most reassuring thread running through all of this.

Again and again, leaders emphasize who God is rather than exactly how everything will be arranged.

Elder Oaks’ statement that “all things will be made right” isn’t just a throwaway line—it’s actually the doctrinal anchor for questions like this.

Because if we’re being honest, the concern behind the question isn’t usually just theological—it’s personal. People wonder: Will eternity feel fair? Will it feel whole? Will it feel like something I actually want?

And the consistent answer from Church leaders is: trust God.

Not blindly, but based on His revealed character—just, loving, perfectly aware of each person.

So, where does all of this land go?

If you’re looking for an official Church statement that says, “Yes, polygamy will exist in the Celestial Kingdom,” it simply doesn’t exist.

What does exist is:

• Scripture that includes plural marriage as a past commandment
• Modern prophetic teaching that monogamy is the standard today
• Clear statements that we do not fully understand how eternal relationships will be organized
• Repeated reassurance that God will make everything right

So if someone confidently claims that polygamy is guaranteed in eternity, they’re stepping beyond what has actually been revealed.

A more accurate, grounded answer would be: The Church does not have an official doctrine stating that polygamy will exist in the Celestial Kingdom. The details of eternal relationships have not been fully revealed, and we trust God to organize them in a way that is perfectly just and loving.

And honestly, that leaves room for something better than speculation—it leaves room for faith.

Gramps

Gramps,

I’ve been married to a non-member for 11 years. For the last month, I’ve been counseling with my Bishop about divorce. My husband is addicted to video games and plays 40-50 hours per week. We have 3 kids (he didn’t really want any but agreed to 2), and I have leukemia. He gets angry and loses patience a lot, especially with the kids. He barely talks to us and has even told me he doesn’t want me to do any temple work for him when he dies. When is divorce better than staying married?

Alisha

Answer

Alisha,

In the doctrine of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, marriage is much more than a social contract—it’s an eternal covenant. Members are taught that marriage, especially when performed as a sealing in the temple, offers the possibility of family relationships enduring beyond this life. As President David O. McKay expressed, “In the light of scripture, ancient and modern, we are justified in concluding that Christ’s ideal pertaining to marriage is the unbroken home, and conditions that cause divorce are violations of his divine teachings. … It is Christ’s ideal that home and marriage should be perpetual—eternal.”

The decision to marry is regarded as one of life’s most important choices. However, the choice to remain married, day after day, is seen as equally crucial. The decision to stay committed in your marriage becomes just as important, if not more important, than deciding whom you should marry. It is a decision that requires an eternal commitment. If both you and your spouse have this commitment, it will guide you through not only the blissful moments but also the difficult challenges. The Church encourages couples to work through difficulties, seek help if needed (such as counseling or spiritual guidance), and strive to sustain marriages through love, forgiveness, and shared faith.

Nevertheless, the Church does not present marriage as free from challenges. Communication hurdles, unmet expectations, and life’s trials often test the strength of the marital covenant. Prophets and Church leaders have long counseled that love, humility, and commitment can heal many wounds. President Gordon B. Hinckley movingly pleaded,

“If every husband and every wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any, divorce. Argument would never be heard. Accusations would never be leveled. Angry explosions would not occur. Rather, love and concern would replace abuse and meanness.”

The standard is high, and the ideal is clear: marriage is intended to last forever. Yet, as history, scripture, and lived experience attest, exceptions are part of the mortal journey.

Despite the ideal of eternal marriage, the Church acknowledges that in a fallen world, not all marriages can or should continue. The heartache of betrayal, abuse, or persistent unhappiness weighs heavily on individuals and families. For some, remaining in a marriage would cause more harm than good.

One often-misunderstood aspect of Church doctrine is that while divorce is not encouraged, it is also not condemned when it is the lesser of two evils. There are legitimate, scripturally and historically supported grounds for ending a marriage. Abuse and adultery are two commonly acknowledged grounds, but there are also cases where the Lord may guide an individual through revelation and personal peace. A powerful reminder from early Church history notes that, “Women could obtain a divorce more easily in Utah than in any part of the United States at that time.” Contrary to common misconception, the Church has long left room for women (and men) to escape marriages that bring unbearable sorrow.

The process for considering divorce is deeply individual, involving prayer, counseling with Church leaders, and seeking spiritual confirmation. As one Church leader advised when confronted with a member pondering divorce: “When you contemplate divorce, do you feel peace?… Satan cannot imitate peace. I counsel you to ask the Lord if you should continue to work on your marriage and wait and see if that brings you some peace.” The principle is to seek the will of God, not just personal comfort or convenience.

Still, for many members, divorce feels like an admission of failure, a contradiction of gospel ideals, or a forfeiture of promised blessings. Yet, Church teachings, rooted in both doctrine and compassion, are unequivocal: The Lord does not desire His children to remain captives in relationships that debilitate rather than uplift. The Book of Mormon and Church history contain numerous examples of escape as part of our heritage, as individuals and families left dangerous circumstances for their spiritual and temporal well-being. Sometimes, the precious thing to leave behind is a marriage that is causing harm.

Importantly, the Church requires that separated couples refrain from dating until their divorce is official, maintaining fidelity until the marriage is legally and ecclesiastically dissolved.

Divorce, regardless of its justifications or necessity, is never easy. It can feel akin to a bereavement—a loss not only of a relationship, but of dreams, plans, and even spiritual expectations. One Church member reflected,

“In some ways, divorce seemed like experiencing the death of a loved one. I wondered whether the possibility of an eternal family for me was now void…. Over time, I learned I had to go through the steps of grieving—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. I never experienced the steps in that exact sequence, and some of them still come and go, but I have faced each of them to some degree… Despite the abuse and heartache that happened in my own marriage and the shock and pain that accompanied my divorce, the learning and growth that continue to come from these experiences have been my greatest blessings. I have learned to rely on the Lord and to become an advocate for myself.”

Here, the journey of healing is not portrayed as linear, nor is it guaranteed to be complete within a set timeframe. Rather, it is a process requiring faith, self-reflection, and the support of loving friends and family.

The Church provides spiritual resources for the divorced, emphasizing that healing comes through Christ. President Thomas S. Monson once said, “Choose your love; love your choice.” This resonates in the context of healing: we can choose to heal, forgive, and move forward. Reading scripture, praying, and fostering healthy friendships can all help restore a sense of self-worth and belonging, as those who have been wounded by marital failure rediscover their identity as beloved children of God.

Forgiveness, both of oneself and an ex-spouse, is a particularly challenging but liberating part of this journey. Trusting in Christ’s healing power and His ability to “bind up the broken heart” (Isaiah 61:1–3) brings eventual peace—a peace that, as noted earlier, cannot be counterfeited or faked. The Church encourages members to remember that every soul’s worth is “priceless in the eyes of God,” and that suffering is never the end of the story but often the refining flame that brings new faith and wisdom.

The journey forward might include renewed spiritual practices, seeking professional counseling, serving others, or even, eventually, the hope of new, healthy relationships. Importantly, Church doctrine affirms that promises of eternal blessings are not forever lost because of divorce. Each person’s ultimate standing is determined by their worthiness and faithfulness, and the Lord, in His wisdom, will determine the status of each of us in the eternities.

Ultimately, each member is invited to seek personal revelation, exercise charity, and trust that the Lord will not only bind up broken hearts but will keep His promises, allowing for new hope and happiness ahead.

Gramps

Gramps,

The New Testament says there will be no marriage in heaven. Yet we marry in the temple for time and eternity. What does the New Testament really say?

Shasta

Answer

Dear Shasta,

The verses which teach this principle are as follows:

Matthew 22:30 For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.

Mark 12:25 For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven.

Doctrine and Covenants 132:16 Therefore, when they are out of the world they neither marry nor are given in marriage; but are appointed angels in heaven, which angels are ministering servants, to minister for those who are worthy of a far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory.

Note the parts I put in bold.  It does not say they are not in the state of being married.  It does not say no people are living within the bonds of marriage.  It says that the act or ceremony or ordinance of marrying is not performed.  For reasons that have not been revealed, this ordinance, like all others we are familiar with, must be performed in mortality, by mortals, either for themselves, or acting as a proxy for those who have died.

Now let’s look at the surrounding verses from Doctrine and Covenants 132:

13 And everything that is in the world, whether it be ordained of men, by thrones, or principalities, or powers, or things of name, whatsoever they may be, that are not by me or by my word, saith the Lord, shall be thrown down, and shall not remain after men are dead, neither in nor after the resurrection, saith the Lord your God.

 

14 For whatsoever things remain are by me; and whatsoever things are not by me shall be shaken and destroyed.

 

15 Therefore, if a man marry him a wife in the world, and he marry her not by me nor by my word, and he covenant with her so long as he is in the world and she with him, their covenant and marriage are not of force when they are dead, and when they are out of the world; therefore, they are not bound by any law when they are out of the world.

 

16 Therefore, when they are out of the world they neither marry nor are given in marriage; but are appointed angels in heaven, which angels are ministering servants, to minister for those who are worthy of a far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory.

 

17 For these angels did not abide my law; therefore, they cannot be enlarged, but remain separately and singly, without exaltation, in their saved condition, to all eternity; and from henceforth are not gods, but are angels of God forever and ever.

 

18 And again, verily I say unto you, if a man marry a wife, and make a covenant with her for time and for all eternity, if that covenant is not by me or by my word, which is my law, and is not sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, through him whom I have anointed and appointed unto this power, then it is not valid neither of force when they are out of the world, because they are not joined by me, saith the Lord, neither by my word; when they are out of the world it cannot be received there, because the angels and the gods are appointed there, by whom they cannot pass; they cannot, therefore, inherit my glory; for my house is a house of order, saith the Lord God.

These verses clearly teach the sealing power, that only those things which have been ordained of God, performed with priesthood authority via the proper ordinance, which must be done in mortality, and then sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, will be valid after death.

I hope this clarifies the meaning of the scriptures in question and helps you to see the importance of pondering exactly what is and is not being said in them.  I encourage you to study what the scriptures teach both about marriage and about the sealing power.

Gramps

Gramps,

Latter Day Saint doctrine is clear that eternal marriage exists in the Celestial Kingdom.  Is there  doctrine stating it won’t exist in the other two kingdoms?

Shanna

Answer

Dear Shanna,

Yes.  It is found in the same revelation as that on eternal marriage, though it may require some deduction to understand.  First, we should note the teaching in D&C 131:1-4 that in order to attain the highest degree of celestial glory, one must enter into the new and everlasting covenant of marriage.  If one doesn’t, and yet is otherwise worthy of celestial glory, one will not attain its highest degree.

Next, we need to look at a few verse in D&C 132.  First, part of verse 7, and verses 8-10:

7 … All covenants, contracts, bonds, obligations, oaths, vows, performances, connections, associations, or expectations, that are not made and entered into and sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, of him who is anointed, both as well for time and for all eternity, … are of no efficacy, virtue, or force in and after the resurrection from the dead; for all contracts that are not made unto this end have an end when men are dead.

 

8 Behold, mine house is a house of order, saith the Lord God, and not a house of confusion.

 

9 Will I accept of an offering, saith the Lord, that is not made in my name?

 

10 Or will I receive at your hands that which I have not appointed?

This is saying that any marriage entered into other than those sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise and performed by one who has been anointed to this authority ends at death.  The Lord will not accept any agreement which he has not appointed.  Verses 13 and 14 emphasize that whatever is not ordained of the Lord will be destroyed.  Then, in verse 15-17, the Lord explains this explicitly in relation to marriage:

15 Therefore, if a man marry him a wife in the world, and he marry her not by me nor by my word, and he covenant with her so long as he is in the world and she with him, their covenant and marriage are not of force when they are dead, and when they are out of the world; therefore, they are not bound by any law when they are out of the world.

 

16 Therefore, when they are out of the world they neither marry nor are given in marriage; but are appointed angels in heaven, which angels are ministering servants, to minister for those who are worthy of a far more, and an exceeding, and an eternal weight of glory.

 

17 For these angels did not abide my law; therefore, they cannot be enlarged, but remain separately and singly, without exaltation, in their saved condition, to all eternity; and from henceforth are not gods, but are angels of God forever and ever.

In verse 18, the Lord says that even if they make their covenant for time and eternity, if it is not authorized by him or sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, it is no longer valid once they are dead.

The Lord has not established any form of marriage other than the new and everlasting covenant, which is a celestial law and if sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, allows those so sealed to enter into the highest glory of the celestial kingdom.  Therefore, no one will be married in any other kingdom or degree of glory.  Verse 17, in stating that those who did not abide this law will remain separate and single forever and ever, leaves no reason to suspect or hope that this may change.

I hope this answers your question, Shanna.

Gramps

Gramps,

I have been separated from my husband for a year who was excommunicated 7 months ago.  I have spent a lot of time fasting and praying as well as attending the temple to know if I should stay married to him.   The answer I consistently receive is I shouldn’t.   He is also praying about it, but is convinced he’s receiving a completely different answer that we can have a wonderful life together.   I am beginning to feel confused and not sure what to do.   How can we receive such conflicting answer?

Melanie

Answer

Melanie,

The main test of this life is to see if we will do “All things the Lord commands.”  Therefore it is vitally important that each and every one of us learn how to pray and receive answers from the Lord and then have the faith to act on it.

Now you ask why your answer and his answer do not say the same thing.  There are a few possibilities.  The first is that one of you (or perhaps even both) are allowing your personal desires to supplant the Word and Will of God in your life.  It is easy to do and accept the will of God when it is also our will.  It is much harder to do and accept the will of God when it conflicts will our own will and desires.  It can be the work of a life time to humble ourselves enough to put our will and desires aside.  If this is the case then there is no conflict, one of you is simply not listening.

Another possibility is that the Lord is testing you (and/or him).  There are times when the Lord test us to see if we will follow through on what he had taught us.  If this is the case for you then it is possible that this is the Lord testing you to see if you will follow his voice… or the voice of your estranged husband.  I know when I put it like that the answer seems very clear, but that clarity can be very hard to see when you are mist of it.

So Melanie your path is clear and it is the same as everyone’s.  You need to be sure you are hearing the Lord and then you need to follow him in faith.

Gramps

Gramps,

We were sealed 4 yrs ago, after 7 years of marriage. It was an outcome of him trying to prove to me he had stopped his porn, alcohol, smoking addictions. but he hadn’t. I later had a thought come and hit me that I wouldn’t make it to the celestial kingdom with him. I love him dearly, but also want my kids to see what a righteous marriage looks like. He also has started emotional abuse at times. How do you know when to stay and keep praying, or to let the natural consequences of a person`s actions happen?

Heartbroken

Answer

Dear Heartbroken,

My heart breaks for you as well as I read this question. It never is easy to answer these types of questions because there is a lot riding on an answer, and thus the length of time in answering your question. I do hope that, having said that, I provide you with guidance and solace in knowing that the only person qualified to assist you is the Savior Himself, even the Lord Jesus Christ.

Let me begin by saying this: Our Father in Heaven loves you so much. A kind of love you probably have not felt before. I know, being a mother is pretty close but, I can assure you, His love for you is even more intense and palpable than anything I could describe here. So, any trial that comes to us here on earth is not unnoticed by Him. There are things that even Gramps doesn’t quite yet know, but I do know one thing, His love for you is as real as the air we breathe, the sun that shines, and the plan he created for you and me and all of his children.

One of the key points of doctrine we believe in is found in the second article of faith:

2 We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression.

Your husband is also a son of God, with all of his faults and imperfections… God still loves him. He does have his Moral Agency and he is still expected to use it wisely, especially as a father and a husband. Not knowing his side of the story, I would assume you have spoken to him about his various addictions and have supported him through them all. You state that you love him dearly and that’s what any counselor looks for when assisting any couple through their marital challenges.

So, why did I bring up the second Article of Faith? As much as eternal life is a team effort, we must first work on it individually. Regardless of whether or not your husband does or doesn’t change, you will still make it to the celestial kingdom as long as you keep your end of the deal you’ve made with the Savior  which started at baptism and through to the sealing covenant between you and your husband and The Lord.

If I were your Bishop, I would counsel you to be patient and understanding and to continue to help him through his vices. The one red flag I see here, however, is the fact he’s getting more and more abusive to you (and perhaps the kids?).

In such a case, this is what The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has stated:

Abuse: Help, Healing, and Protection

 

Abuse is the neglect or mistreatment of others (such as a child or spouse, the elderly, the disabled, or anyone else) in such a way that causes physical, emotional, or sexual harm. It goes against the teachings of the Savior. The Lord condemns abusive behavior in any form.

 

“The Church’s position is that abuse cannot be tolerated in any form” (Handbook 1: Stake Presidents and Bishops [2010], 17.3.2). Abuse violates the laws of God and may also be a violation of the laws of society. The Lord expects us to do all we can to prevent abuse and to protect and help those who have been victims of abuse. No one is expected to endure abusive behavior.

Again, this is such a delicate subject to talk about and since we are all different, what may work for you perhaps doesn’t work for someone else.

I strongly suggest you talk to your bishop and to pray to Heavenly Father for guidance. Your righteous desires are well acknowledged by God and he knows, you want things to succeed.

I would strongly recommend that you remain steadfast and immovable. Do not allow Satan to distort your view of the future: “Hope always points towards the future”.

With a calm, yet, firm determination, have a sincere talk with your husband and give him some options, and allow him to respond with honesty as to what he wants to do with his life. Assure him that you love him, but will not tolerate abuse any longer.

His increasing use of pornography does shorten a man’s temper. There are many people who have been affected by this disease and modern-day plague.

Here are some resources you could perhaps share with him, if he hasn’t seen this already

• Hope & Healing
• ARP (Addiction Recovery Program)
• Healing Through Christ
• Mormon Women (Hope and Help for Sex Addicts)

I really hope your situation changes to bring you peace and love in your home and that your children see what a healthy and stable marriage looks like. You and your family are in my prayers and may God bless you.

Gramps

Gramps,

Were civil marriages ever performed in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saint temples? If so, what was the time frame? Thanks.

Sarah

Answer

Sarah,

There is a bit of confusion here because we commonly combine two things into one. The two things are marriages and sealings. We do this when we use the term temple marriage. When we say temple marriage we mean a marriage that has been sealed, usually in the same ceremony. In the United States, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints strongly encourages all couples to have such a combined ceremony where possible, thus adding to this confusion. But we can see the difference clearly when we look to countries where marriages are required to be open to the public (England for example) . In those countries faithful LDS couples are married in a legal civil ceremony and then quickly move to the nearest temple to be sealed together.

Now when people think of a ‘civil’ marriage they are generally meaning a legal marriage without all the religious trappings and ceremonies. The Church obeys the laws of the land. Since all the marriages performed in the temple must obey the laws of the law, we could say that, as a minimum, all marriages performed in the temple are ‘civil’ marriages. We simply believe that the sealing builds on that and transcends the ‘civil’ service.

Now we commonly call a temple sealing a marriage for time and eternity. However the temple can also do for time only marriages. Generally this happens when two faithful members who have already been sealed, lose their spouses. If they decide they don’t wish to be alone for this life-time but they also don’t wish to cancel their sealing, they can be married (but not sealed) in the temple.

Thus to answer your question civil marriages are currently being performed in the temples (as the laws of the land permit) and have been for a very long time.

Now as the laws of the lands might change depending on the political climate around the subject of marriage, if those laws change to a point where the Church can/will not perform marriages anymore, the Church has already shown that it is willing to separate the marriage ceremony from the sealing ceremony. If that happens then the answer to your question could very well become none.

Gramps

Gramps,

I’m just starting my investigation into becoming a Mormon.   I am separated from my Church of England wife some 5 or 7 years now.  I only stayed within that marriage and the Church of England because of the oath I swore unto God to love my wife until death do we part.  Would I have to keep that marriage or would I be expected to divorce?  I made the oath to God but we shall never live again as a couple.   What would the Mormon faith decide for me?

Jefferson

Answer

Jefferson,

Thank you for this question, and for taking the time to investigate the gospel of Jesus Christ as restored through the prophet Joseph Smith in these last days. As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we wholeheartedly believe in the sanctity of marriage. We also wholeheartedly believe in keeping our oaths/covenants we have made.

The Church would not decide anything for you with regards to your present situation with your separation from your wife. As to whether or not you decide to divorce, or to remain true to the oath made with the Church of England would be your decision.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we believe that God has given us our “moral agency.” This is our ability to act for ourselves, and hopefully we choose the good over any evil. If you should choose to become a member of God’s restored gospel and church, then this is a matter you can take to the Lord and discover His will in your life. I am sure you are familiar with passages of scripture where the Lord tells us to call upon his name should we lack wisdom, or should we need an answer. The Lord loves you and cares about you. He will answer your prayer as you humbly approach him in prayer pertaining to membership in His Church, and what to do with regards to the situation you find yourself in with your wife.

The Church and the Lord would have one expectation of you.  That you live the law of chastity.  A good reminder to all of us is that we need to put away our old toys before playing with new ones.   The Lord bless you Jefferson.

Gramps

Question

Hi gramps,

As we were discussing resurrection, I wondered. Could someone, having been exalted after resurrected and judged, fall even in their exalted state?  My reason for this question revolves around free agency. Choosing to follow all of God’s teachings enables us to return and be crowned in glory, but Satan and his followers had full knowledge and still rebelled against God.  So my question is, hypothetically could an exalted being still fall away in the eternities and lose their state?

Jeremy

Answer

Jeremy,

What you’re really asking is a paradox of hypotheticals.  The fact is that being exalted means that you have liberty like you’ve never known.  But you only have that agency because you’d use it for good.  And to do good, you would not choose to fall.  But if you have that liberty, then one of the choices given to you that you could choose is to fall.

Kind of a conundrum, isn’t it?

I tend to think that if it were possible, how would we know about it?  And if it weren’t possible, then we REALLY wouldn’t know about it.  So, you know what?  I wouldn’t worry about it.

Gramps

Gramps,

The weddings for Mormons are very private. What is a funeral like?? Are non-Mormons allowed to attend a funeral service?? Thank you for your assistance.

Teresa

Answer

Dear Teresa,

Actually the weddings that are performed in temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS) are not at all very private. Up to 50 or so guests are often invited to such weddings. However, those weddings are among the most sacred experiences that occur during our mortal lives, and they can only be performed in the most sacred places on earth–the Lords’ holy temples. The only ones who are allowed to go into the temples after they have been dedicated to the sacred work for which they were constructed are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  They are found, by rather searching examinations by their bishops and stake presidents, to be living in accordance with the laws and ordinances of the gospel of Jesus Christ. They are required to present at the temple entrance a temple recommend certifying their worthiness to enter the temple. The wedding ceremony itself is quite short, and together with a short sermon by the person in charge, normally does not take more than about 20 to 30 minutes. Usually wedding receptions are held in some public place following the wedding ceremony where friends and neighbors gather to wish the new couple well.

LDS funerals are completely open to the public. Such funerals usually take place in the LDS chapels, and advance notices are normally published in local newspapers so all who would wish to attend may be advised of the time and place of the funeral. Such funerals are conducted under the auspices of the bishop of the ward (parish) where the funeral is taking place. They normally consist of a congregational hymn, an opening prayer, a eulogy, one or two musical presentations of sacred music–normally choir, organ, piano or a stringed instrument–and one or two sermons extolling the deceased person’s life, followed by a closing prayer. Such funerals usually last from one to two hours. Following the funeral there is a cortege to the cemetery where the deceased is buried and a dedicatory prayer over the grave is offered by a person holding the holy Melchizedek priesthood.

Gramps

Gramps,

My husband has recently made the decision to leave the church. After his extensive research (that I didn’t know about) he decided none of it was true. I’m suddenly very anxious and confused and I know it’s caused a rift in our relationship. How can I be more patient and open with him again?

Hailey

Answer

Hello Hailey,

I am truly sorry to hear of the circumstance you currently find yourself in.  Without fail, this can either be an extremely trying OR faith promoting time for you.When presented with obstacles in life, especially those of the spiritual nature, most individuals plot a course down one of two paths: draw closer to the Lord and hold even tighter to the iron rod OR lose hope, give up and let go of the iron rod. I hope and pray, even when faced with this situation in life you will draw nearer to the Lord.

Your husband has made a choice, one that you are not obligated to follow. We each choose how, when and where to focus our efforts. Your husband has done “extensive research”, but apparently down paths that destroy faith rather than promote it. Extensive faith promoting research is easily available to those who desire it.

Even though your husband is heading down this path, course correction is not impossible. The atonement can heal hearts, even those poisoned with doubt and disbelief. Do your part to seek specific guidance from the Lord for your specific circumstance and rest assured that ‘peace’ can be yours even when things outside of your control appear to be spiraling downward.

While I can not hope to touch upon everything in a single post, I will offer up a book which is designed to bring relief to individuals like yourself and your husband. The book I recommend you read is produced by Desert Book, in conjunction with the Neal A. Maxwell Institute, called “Planted” by Patrick Mason. It states:

“We live in an age of doubt, but we need not be overcome. When we are planted in the Savior, we can be nourished as much by our questions as by the answers.”

Hailey, once again I feel for your situation and recognize how hard of a time this must be for you. Hold to the rod and I commend you for seeking out sources that uplift, inspire and promote our testimonies in the Savior. Be strong. I leave you with this reminder:

When life seems to fall apart and hope seems to disappear, let your soul be still and remember that God never leaves you.

Warm regards,

Gramps

My husband would eat this website for Thanksgiving. He used to ask me questions like this all the time, being a convert and having spent more time inactive or anti than active. He loves to find things like your questions about fire newts, seer stones, prophecy, Abrahamic facsimilies etc. but he refuses to consider explanations by anyone part of the church. He is the same with therapists and doctors, as if one’s faith negates effectiveness of reality. Currently we have an amazing home teacher who absorbs his concerns and sees through his inconsistencies. What is it going to take to get through his thick skull?

K.D.

Answer

KD,

A quarter-inch drill, perhaps?

Few people investigate anti-Mormon claims the way you describe your husband as doing because they are seeking for a reason to believe. Typically, people act that way because they want to find a reason to disbelieve. They may be embarrassed about being a Mormon (you know, the whole green-Jello-peculiar-people bit). They may be confused about the doctrines. They may be put off at the service and sacrifice required of the Saints. They may be uncomfortable about what we are taught to do — and to avoid. Or maybe they just don’t want to be deceived, and so go looking for deceptions.

Whatever the reason, it is not possible for you to pound this through your husband’s “thick skull”. And it’s not your place to do so, either. I suggest you follow your home teacher’s lead and show your husband compassion, tolerance, understanding, and patience. Bear your testimony to him as appropriate, and don’t be put off by his anti-Mormon questions.

If you are deeply bothered by such things, you might simply tell him that you find such questions offensive, and to please not bring them up around you any more. But don’t fight or quarrel about such things. Be a rock and an anchor for him as he works out his own difficulties.

Gramps