Gramps,

As a faithful disciple of Jesus Christ and a covenant member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, how should I navigate the tension between preserving family relationships and remaining true to revealed doctrine when deciding whether to attend my brother’s same-sex wedding?

Jericho

Answer

Jericho,

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we sometimes face situations where two righteous desires seem to pull us in different directions. We want to remain faithful to Jesus Christ and His restored gospel, while also showing genuine love to family members whose choices differ from our beliefs. One question that occasionally arises is whether to attend the same-sex wedding of a close family member, such as a brother or sister.

This is not a question with a one-size-fits-all answer. The Church has not established a policy that requires members to attend or not attend a same-sex wedding. Instead, faithful members are encouraged to seek personal revelation, carefully consider gospel principles, and make a decision they can feel at peace about before the Lord.

The first principle to remember is that discipleship begins with Jesus Christ. When we made sacred covenants at baptism and in the temple, we promised to follow Him above all else. Our loyalty to the Savior and His teachings is the foundation of every decision we make.

The Church continues to teach that marriage between one man and one woman is God’s eternal pattern. The Family: A Proclamation to the World states:

“Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and…the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”

That doctrine has not changed. President Russell M. Nelson has repeatedly taught that revealed doctrine comes from God and cannot be altered by changing cultural views. As disciples, we strive to sustain what the Lord has revealed, even when it is unpopular or difficult.

At the same time, the Savior consistently demonstrated remarkable love and compassion toward every person He encountered. He associated with people from every background while never compromising the truth. His perfect example teaches us that love and conviction are not opposites. We do not have to abandon one to practice the other.

President Dallin H. Oaks has emphasized this balance many times. He taught:

“We should love all people, be good listeners, and show concern for their sincere beliefs. Though we may disagree, we should not be disagreeable.” (Loving Others and Living With Differences)

That counsel applies beautifully to family relationships. A brother or sister should never wonder whether they are loved simply because we hold different beliefs.

So how does that apply to attending a same-sex wedding?

The Church leaves this decision to the individual member. Attending a wedding is not the same as changing your personal beliefs or rejecting Church doctrine. Likewise, choosing not to attend does not automatically mean you are unloving or judgmental. Faithful Latter-day Saints have prayerfully reached different conclusions in similar situations.

For some members, attending is an expression of love for a family member rather than an endorsement of every aspect of the ceremony. They may feel impressed by the Holy Ghost to maintain the relationship, so they can continue to be a positive influence in their loved one’s life. They may feel that Christ would have them be present to demonstrate kindness while remaining clear about their own beliefs.

Others may sincerely feel that attending would communicate support for something that conflicts with revealed doctrine. After thoughtful prayer, they may conclude that they should lovingly decline the invitation while expressing their deep affection in other ways. They may visit before or after the wedding, send a thoughtful gift, write a heartfelt letter, or continue strengthening the relationship in meaningful ways.

Neither approach should be judged lightly. What matters is whether the decision is made prayerfully, honestly, and with a sincere desire to follow Jesus Christ.

The General Handbook offers helpful principles about interacting with others. It teaches:

The Church encourages families and members to reach out with sensitivity, love, and respect to persons who are attracted to others of the same sex.

It also affirms that the Church’s doctrinal position on marriage remains unchanged.

That combination is important. Love is not conditional upon agreement, and disagreement does not excuse us from showing Christlike love.

When making this decision, it may help to ask yourself a few sincere questions in prayer.

• Can I attend while remaining completely faithful to my covenants and testimony of the doctrine of eternal marriage?
• Would my attendance strengthen my relationship with my brother in a Christlike way?
• Would attending leave me feeling at peace before the Lord, or would it trouble my conscience?
• If I choose not to attend, how can I clearly communicate that my decision comes from devotion to God rather than rejection of my brother?

Asking questions like these invites the Holy Ghost into the decision-making process.

James taught:

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God.” (James 1:5)

President Russell M. Nelson has repeatedly encouraged members to seek personal revelation for important decisions. He said:

“Nothing opens the heavens quite like the combination of increased purity, exact obedience, earnest seeking, daily feasting on the words of Christ… and regular time committed to temple and family history work.” (Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives)

While that counsel is broad, it reminds us that significant personal decisions should be taken to the Lord rather than decided solely by emotion or social pressure.

It’s also wise to avoid making a decision based on fear. Some fear that attending means abandoning doctrine. Others fear that declining will permanently destroy the family relationship. Neither outcome is inevitable. Honest conversations filled with kindness and respect often preserve relationships far better than assumptions or silence.

If your brother knows that your love for him has never changed, even if your beliefs have not, that can become a powerful witness to Christian discipleship.

Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. The restored gospel provides doctrine but also teaches the importance of individual revelation. The Lord knows your family, your relationship with your brother, your heart, and your circumstances; no one else fully understands.

As covenant disciples of Jesus Christ, we should never compromise revealed doctrine. At the same time, we should never stop loving people the way the Savior loves them. Those two principles are not enemies—they are companions. The challenge is learning, through the guidance of the Holy Ghost, how to honor both in our individual circumstances.

If we sincerely seek the Lord’s will, study His word, counsel with trusted priesthood leaders if needed, and act in faith, we can move forward with confidence. Whether we ultimately attend or respectfully decline, our goal should always be the same: to remain true to Jesus Christ while extending genuine love, respect, and compassion to every member of our family.

Gramps

]]> https://askgramps.org/can-i-remain-true-to-my-beliefs-if-i-attend-a-same-sex-wedding-of-a-family-member/feed/ 0 https://askgramps.org/how-can-i-be-sure-the-church-is-true/ https://askgramps.org/how-can-i-be-sure-the-church-is-true/#respond Wed, 22 Jul 2026 08:00:27 +0000 https://askgramps.org/?p=75375 Question

Gramps,

I was a member for 3 years and chose to leave after a bad temple endowment experience. I became Catholic last year, but I can’t leave the church behind, and I have tried for a long time. I have been going back and forth for about 4 years since I left and removed my records in late 2022.

My question is, how can I know if the back and forth is my emotions, God, or Satan trying to deceive me into going back? “Just because something feels good doesn’t mean it comes from a good place.”

Jacob

Answer

Jacob,

Leaving a religion is rarely just an intellectual decision. It’s deeply personal, emotional, and spiritual. That is especially true if your decision was influenced by a painful experience in the temple. If you’ve spent years going back and forth, removed your records in 2022, became Catholic, and yet still can’t seem to leave The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints behind, it’s understandable to wonder what’s happening inside your heart.

Those are sincere questions, and according to Latter-day Saint doctrine, God has provided a way for us to know the difference.

You mentioned a statement people often make, “Just because something feels good doesn’t mean it comes from a good place.” There is wisdom in that. Our emotions alone aren’t a reliable guide to truth. We can become emotionally attached to people, traditions, or experiences that aren’t necessarily right, and we can also feel uncomfortable when God is asking us to grow. If our feelings were all that mattered, it would be difficult to know what was truly from God. Thankfully, the scriptures teach that revelation is much more than emotion.

When the Lord instructed Oliver Cowdery, He explained,

Yea, behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost. (Doctrine and Covenants 8:2)

That simple verse teaches an important principle: revelation comes through both our intellect and our spirit. The Holy Ghost doesn’t simply make us feel good. He teaches truth to both our understanding and our hearts. Sometimes that witness comes as peace, other times as clarity, quiet confidence, or a growing assurance that something is true.

President Russell M. Nelson emphasized the importance of personal revelation when he taught,

The privilege of receiving revelation is one of the greatest gifts of God to His children. (Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives)

Heavenly Father wants each of His children to receive personal guidance as they sincerely seek Him rather than relying solely on emotion.

Latter-day Saints believe Satan can imitate emotions. He can stir up fear, resentment, discouragement, confusion, or even counterfeit spiritual experiences. What he cannot do is provide the confirming witness of the Holy Ghost. Elder Boyd K. Packer explained this beautifully when he said,

The Holy Ghost speaks with a voice that you feel more than you hear. (Personal Revelation: The Gift, the Test, and the Promise)

He wasn’t describing ordinary emotions but a spiritual witness that reaches deeper than feelings alone. It enlightens the mind while softening the heart, bringing light instead of confusion.

That raises another important question. If you once believed the Church was true but later left because of a difficult temple experience, what should you make of the fact that you still feel drawn back after all these years?

From a Latter-day Saint perspective, the answer isn’t necessarily found by focusing on the temple first. The temple is one of the most sacred parts of the restored gospel, but it is also one of the most symbolic and unfamiliar. Many faithful members have admitted that their first temple endowment was confusing or even overwhelming. That’s not because there is something wrong with the ordinances, but because they teach eternal truths through symbolism that often takes time to understand.

Instead, the Church would encourage someone in your situation to return to the foundation of their testimony. Ask yourself the same questions the missionaries invite investigators to consider. Is God truly your Father in Heaven? Is Jesus Christ your Savior? Did Joseph Smith really see the Father and the Son? Is the Book of Mormon what it claims to be? Was priesthood authority restored?

Moroni extended a remarkable promise to every sincere seeker:

By the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things. (Moroni 10:5)

Notice he doesn’t promise that we’ll simply feel something pleasant. He promises that, through the Holy Ghost, we can know the truth. If those foundational truths are true, then the temple deserves another look, even if your first experience there was difficult.

Sometimes we want absolute certainty before we’re willing to investigate again, but God often asks us to seek first and promises that understanding will follow. The Savior taught,

If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God. (John 7:17)

Often, spiritual knowledge comes after we’re willing to sincerely act in faith.

It’s also fair to ask whether your feelings are simply nostalgia. Perhaps you miss the friendships, the familiar routines, or meaningful experiences you had as a member. Those are reasonable possibilities. Missing something from your past doesn’t automatically mean it is true. At the same time, if you’ve sincerely tried for four years to move on but keep finding yourself returning to the same questions, it may be worth asking why.

Throughout the scriptures, God often works through repeated invitations rather than dramatic signs. Again and again, He patiently calls His children back to Him. That doesn’t mean every recurring thought comes from God, but invitations to seek Christ, pray, repent, forgive, and draw closer to Him are consistent with the way the Holy Ghost works. Satan’s influence tends to move people in the opposite direction, encouraging bitterness, hopelessness, pride, confusion, or endless distraction from spiritual things.

Jesus gave us a simple way to evaluate spiritual impressions when He taught,

By their fruits ye shall know them. (Matthew 7:20)

 

Paul described those fruits as “love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance” (Galatians 5:22–23).

As you evaluate your recurring thoughts, ask yourself what they produce. Do they draw you closer to Jesus Christ? Do they increase your desire to pray, study the scriptures, forgive others, and become a better disciple? Or do they leave you feeling trapped by fear, anger, or despair? The fruit often reveals the source more clearly than the feeling itself.

It’s also important to remember that God respects your agency. If He is inviting you back, He isn’t manipulating you or forcing your hand. The Lord persuades, invites, and patiently waits for us to respond. Church leaders have consistently taught that testimony is something we continue to build throughout our lives. Even lifelong members continue to pray, study, and seek confirmation from the Holy Ghost.

So how can you know whether the Church is true? According to Latter-day Saint doctrine, there is ultimately only one answer. Study the evidence. Read the Book of Mormon again with an open heart. Pray honestly—not asking whether you simply miss the Church, but asking God whether it is actually His restored Church. Don’t seek an emotional experience alone. Seek truth, and be willing to accept whatever answer God gives, even if it comes gradually instead of all at once.

Moroni’s invitation remains one of the greatest promises in scripture. He invited readers to ask God “with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ,” and promised that God “will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost” (Moroni 10:4). Latter-day Saints believe that promise extends beyond the Book of Mormon itself. As we sincerely seek God, He can confirm truth through the quiet witness of the Holy Ghost.

President Russell M. Nelson reminded us that;

“The privilege of receiving revelation is one of the greatest gifts of God to His children.” (Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives)

That promise is available to every sincere seeker, regardless of where they are in their spiritual journey.

Finally, don’t assume that one painful temple experience has to define the rest of your relationship with God. If the Church is true, then one difficult experience—even one that hurt deeply—doesn’t change that truth. And if it isn’t true, then sincere investigation has nothing to fear. The Restoration itself began because a young man was willing to ask honest questions and trust that God would answer.

Perhaps that’s the most important lesson of all. Don’t let your last experience determine your next decision. Let God determine it. If you sincerely seek Him with humility, patience, and a willingness to follow wherever He leads, Latter-day Saints believe He will answer—not merely through passing emotions, but through the quiet, unmistakable witness of the Holy Ghost to both your mind and your heart. That testimony can become strong enough to withstand confusion, disappointment, painful memories, and even years of uncertainty.

Gramps

Gramps,

My daughter is on a mission, teaching a young man who is 20. He is very interested in the church and praying about baptism but he struggles with lack of support from friends and family. All of his friends and coworkers are very unsupportive and unkind about the church. His fear from loosing the friendship and association of most everyone in his life is holding him back. I thought about Matt 10:34-39 but it’s definitely easier said than done. Any suggestions on what she can tell him?

Jan

Answer

Jan,

Whenever the Lord leads us away from what seems good, it’s always to something better, even if we can’t see the better.  Examples:

Lehi and his party were led away from familiar lives, wealth, friends and business associates.  They first went into the wilderness where they had to struggle and sometimes suffer.  They faced danger, the unknown, and the unfamiliar.  Even for Lehi and Nephi it may have been difficult at times to believe in the promised land.  But eventually, they made to a land rich in all that anyone could ask for (food, animals, resources).  As long as they did as the Lord asked, they were blessed and protected by him.

The children of Israel leaving Egypt is a similar story (though more people, so more variability and difficulty).  They may have been “slaves” in Egypt, but apparently it wasn’t so bad because they often longed to go back rather than eat to satiation on manna and quail.  They longed for the familiar and the seeming safety of tyranny.  They doubted the Lord’s promises of protection, guidance, and a promised land of plenty.

It is a hard thing indeed when the risk is losing family, friends, even a good job.  This investigator must choose between the familiar and the promises of the Lord.  My testimony is that even when we have to go through the wilderness first (finding new friends, new work, and/or reworking family relationships), the Lord always leads us to something better – if we trust in him.

Gramps

Hey Gramps,

In D&C 76:47 we read that the Lord has shown a vision of outer darkness “unto many”. Is there any record of those who may have seen this vision?

Highway89

Answer

Dear Highway89,

This is  a good question, but, one that I am hesitant in answering.

Let me explain! When it comes to Outer Darkness and what it’s all about, we read in D&C 76:45-46 (the two verses prior to the one you quoted):

45 And the end thereof, neither the place thereof, nor their torment, no man knows;

 

46 Neither was it revealed, neither is, neither will be revealed unto man, except to them who are made partakers thereof;

I don’t know about you but no amount of curiosity will drive me to ask more about outer darkness mainly because I do not want to partake of such misery.  As far as those who have received a vision from such place, it was not given to them for too long.

I have come across a BYU paper that lists a few quotes from general authorities but reading over them, they mostly all say the same thing.  Have a read about this subject, but, please exercise caution.

Regards,

Gramps

Hi Gramps,

I was born into the LDS church but left when I was 15 years old.. Fast forward to 2019.  I’m now 46 and I want to improve my relationship with Elohim. I ring my mother who is very active in the LDS church to ask questions and all I get is “you should go back to church.”  I told her that I wasn’t interested in joining any religion cos they don’t feel right. We end up in an argument. I hang up on her and send her a long text telling her I was disappointed. Why did she choose not to help me?

Adriana

Answer

Dear Adriana,

Please ponder with me a few questions: why did you ask your mother how to improve your relationship with God?  Is it because you feel that your mother has a good relationship with God and must therefore know how to develop that relationship?  Please take a moment to ponder that question before reading further.

If that’s not why you asked her, then consider why, and then redefine your expectation of the conversation.

I’m going to assume that’s the reason you asked her.  Now, if that’s the reason, rather than asking her how you can draw closer to God, why not ask her how she did it?  Whether you think the same will work for you or not, the way she developed this relationship is her own, and if it worked for her, it worked for her – there’s no debating that.  This conversation might give you bits of insight into your mom and the process that worked for her.  It might also give you ideas for how you can develop a similar relationship.

In other words, rather than asking your mom to tell you what to do – something which you say hasn’t worked well – ask her what worked for her, what her relationship with God looks like, what she does to maintain it, and similar questions about her own relationship.  This lets her express the things she knows about developing a relationship with God without phrasing it as instruction to you – and you don’t have to receive it as instruction.  In this way, it’s just you learning about your mom, and if you can follow her example, great!  If not, then she probably can’t tell you what you want to know.

Now, having considered all that, have you considered that your mom chose to help you in the only way she knows how?  In the New Testament, we find this verse:

Matthew 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

How better to come to know God than to invite him into your presence?  According to this verse, that is done when two or three are gathered in his name (the name of Christ) – in other words, by going to church.  Now, I know you mentioned the Father, therefore please add this to your consideration:

John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

 

7 If ye had known me, ye should have known my Father also: and from henceforth ye know him, and have seen him.

If you want to develop a relationship with God, you must go through Christ.  Learn of him, study his life and teachings, follow his example.  I think you know what that example includes.

Here is one final passage for you to consider:

D&C 84:19 And this greater priesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the key of the mysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the knowledge of God.

 

20 Therefore, in the ordinances thereof, the power of godliness is manifest.

 

21 And without the ordinances thereof, and the authority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is not manifest unto men in the flesh;

 

22 For without this no man can see the face of God, even the Father, and live.

Many people might assume that “knowledge of God” (at the end of verse 19) means “the type of knowledge God has”, but it can just as easily mean “becoming acquainted with God” (see John 17:3).  In short, these verses explain that we come to know, understand, and emulate God by participating in the ordinances of the Melchizedek Priesthood.  These ordinances teach us how to do that.  I suspect this is how your mom came to have her relationship with God, and that is why she counseled you to return to the Church – the place where you can learn of and participate in these ordinances.

I hope this has helped you to understand why your mom may have given you the advice she did, and to find a new approach to discussing these things with your mom.  I wish you the very best in your efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father.

Gramps

Hi Gramps,

I read your answer to someone’s question “How can people receive opposite personal revelation and both say it came from God?” and it got me thinking of another similar question.  Two people are engaged to be married in the temple and one person says they got the revelation that they should be sealed for time and all eternity, and one says they got the revelation that they should break up and not be together. How can both of them get opposite revelation? Could it just be cold feet?

Kim

Answer

Kim,

Thank you for this follow up question that adds to the previous answer provided. In my college years I had a friend who was engaged to be married. They both had prayed, and both had initially felt this was the right thing to do. On the day of the wedding, in the temple, the young lady begin to feel really nervous. After discussing her nerves with one of the patrons it was confirmed to her heart and mind that this was not the right thing for her to do.

In this scenario I am able to think of two possibilities (maybe you could come up with more): 1) She had cold feet and because of her cold feet the Lord then witnessed not to move forward (even though it was right), and 2) The initial confirmation was simply that he was a good man and she wanted to be with a good man, but she always felt uneasy but rejected the feelings of uneasiness until the feelings were too strong in the temple (where the adversary is not able to tempt).

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland provided the following thought in his speech, “Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence,” when he said the following confirming the possibility of #1,

“Lesson number two is closely related. It is that in the process of revelation and making important decisions, fear plays a destructive, sometimes paralyzing role. To Oliver Cowdery, who missed the opportunity of a lifetime because he didn’t seize it in the lifetime of the opportunity, the Lord said, “You did not continue as you commenced.”

Sometimes, even when the Lord confirms something important, we may fear, and our fear results in the loss of something good.

I think it important to note also, that two revelations can be received (like with politics) depending on the question we are asking. Our desires and personal goals can and do affect the outcome of our prayers. For example, if one person is praying to know which person will be the best president who served in the military, while the other is praying to know who will simply be the best president the answer from the Lord may be different. What if the one is deciding if the individual will be able to fulfill their goals in life?  What if the other is praying simply to know if this is right and a good choice? Both of these answers could lead to opposite confirmations. A person may have everything the one individual desires and wants, while the other person is not sure but knows the person is a good person. These also will most likely lead to different revelations.

In my early years in college and experiencing the “oh so wonderful” dating life, I read the following advice given from a man who knew he wanted to be a teacher. When he determined he wanted to be a teacher he decided that it was important to know if the young lady would be able to live and support a meager lifestyle — as to things of this world (before he went to the Lord asking if this was right). Now, growing up I also heard the following statements from some women in the Church, “You can love a rich man as easily as a poor man. Marry the rich man.” So, if this man was dating a young lady who was taught this by her mother, and when dating this man her mother provided her thoughts, this young lady might well indeed receive a different answer (due to her mother’s thoughts) when praying to know if this was right (even if she felt she could support a teacher’s salary and lifestyle). That is an easy, extreme, way for people to receive a different revelation according to their personal desires and goals in this life.

Our personal goals, our personal desires, our personal fears and confidence will largely affect the outcome of our answers.

Gramps

Gramps,

My son-in-law just got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.  They have chosen to live with hope and believe in miracles.  He is just a young man and his patriarchal blessing says as he grows older he will have many opportunities to serve together with his wife in the church and be an example to his children and grandchildren.  I don’t believe we grow older in heaven, and so this gives me hope in that miracle.  I don’t understand why else it would have that particular wording.  Thank you.

Wendy

Answer

Wendy,

These scenarios, events, in our lives create a conundrum that is unique to ourselves. These blessings are based on our faith and worthiness as we act in faith in the gospel of Jesus Christ; however, although I will share some thoughts, please understand these are my thoughts and my thoughts alone as I have no right or privilege to interpret your son-in-law’s patriarchal blessing and its meaning.

Here is one thought from Elder John A. Widtsoe who said:

“It should always be kept in mind that the realization of the promises made may come in this or the future life. Men have stumbled at times because promised blessings have not occurred in this life. They have failed to remember that, in the gospel, life with all its activities continues forever and that the labors of earth may be continued in heaven. Besides, the Giver of the blessings, the Lord, reserves the right to have them become active in our lives, as suits His divine purpose. We and our blessings are in the hands of the Lord. But, there is the general testimony that when the gospel law has been obeyed, the promised blessings have been realized.”

President James E. Faust had this to share about his father’s patriarchal blessing,

“This was well illustrated in my father’s patriarchal blessing. He was told in his blessing that he would be blessed with “many beautiful daughters.” He and my mother became the parents of five sons. No daughters were born to them, but they treated the wives of their sons as daughters. Some years ago when we had a family gathering, I saw my father’s daughters-in-law, granddaughters, and great-granddaughters moving about, tending to the food and ministering to the young children and the elderly, and the realization came to me that Father’s blessing literally had been fulfilled. He has indeed many beautiful daughters. The patriarch who gave my father his blessing had spiritual vision to see beyond this life. The dividing line between time and eternity disappeared.”

President Heber J. Grant told of the patriarchal blessing he received:

“That patriarch put his hands upon my head and bestowed upon me a little blessing that would perhaps be about one-third of a typewritten page. That blessing foretold my life to the present moment.^“

So, indeed, a miracle may be in your son-in-laws life after much prayer and fasting, a trial of faith, but that is something that is between your son-in-law, your daughter, and anyone else they bring into a close prayer and fasting circle that seeks to know God’s will for your son-in-law, and to exercise faith in promised blessings.

I wish you and your family the best. Continue to exercise faith, hope, and charity.

Gramps

p.s.  All quotes come from this source

Gramps,

I was recently listening to some podcasts at a website.  The owner claims to be LDS.  He appears to make a career out of interviewing Mormons over social experiences that do not seem appropriate to be telling the world.  I’m concerned over negatives cited on the podcasts of disenfranchised members and discussions about progressive Mormons within church as if they are shunned etc.  Could this just be a wolf in sheep’s clothing?

Keith

Answer

Dear Keith,

In this day and age, that’s a good question.  While it wouldn’t be wise to attempt a site-by-site evaluation here on Ask Gramps, the Lord has given us tools we can use as individuals to discern for ourselves the trustworthiness of any website which claims to support the Church or its members.  These are summarized nicely in a “Doctrinal Mastery Core Document” designed for Seminary students.  I find this document helpful for even the wisest student of the gospel.  One (very short) section is called “Acquiring Spiritual Knowledge“.  It details three things we can do to gain spiritual knowledge.  It seems to me that discerning the trustworthiness of a website falls into that category.  I’ll summarize them here, but highly recommend you go read the full text, or even the full document.

1. Act in Faith

We act in faith when we choose to trust God and turn to Him first through sincere prayer, a study of His teachings, and obedience to His commandments.

Acting in faith allows us to learn through experience the difference between good and evil.  It qualifies us for the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.  It leads us to do those things which will increase our understanding of the things of God.

2. Examine Concepts and Questions with an Eternal Perspective

To examine doctrinal concepts, questions, and social issues with an eternal perspective, we consider them in the context of the plan of salvation and the teachings of the Savior. We seek the help of the Holy Ghost in order to see things as the Lord sees them.

In my experience, those who are not trustworthy will most often focus more on the cares of the world and weaknesses of mankind than on the eternal things of God.  They’ll tug on your heartstrings or your political conscience, or even guilt you with words like “tolerance” and “love”.  By comparing a site’s content to the Plan of Salvation, you can step back and see exactly where that site is focused and how well or poorly it aligns with truth.

3. Seek Further Understanding through Divinely Appointed Sources

As part of the Lord’s appointed process for obtaining spiritual knowledge, He has established sources through which He reveals truth and guidance to His children. These sources include the light of Christ, the Holy Ghost, the scriptures, parents, and Church leaders. The First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles—the Lord’s prophets upon the earth today—are a vital source of truth. The Lord has chosen and ordained these individuals to speak for Him.

Like the eternal perspective, comparing a site’s content against revealed truth will allow one to identify false teachings versus faithful accounts, deception versus testimony, the philosophies of men versus the revealed word of God.  This is one of the reasons we are counseled to study the scriptures daily.  It’s why we’re encouraged to study the General Conference talks.  It’s why we spend three hours in church every Sunday.  All this study puts knowledge of the truths of God into our minds so that when we come across lies or deception or just plain wickedness, we recognize it for what it is – or at least we feel a little prick of suspicion that leads us to investigate more fully before believing whatever the site is telling us.

When we encounter claims about the Church or scriptures, see what the sources are for those claims.  Don’t trust that they’re cited correctly – go read the original for yourself.  Evaluate the sources – are they “divinely appointed” or are they the learning of men?  When it comes to avoiding deception, going to extra effort is worth your while.  They more you do this, the easier it will become, and the better at it you will become.

I have visited many sites catering to Mormons.  Those I spent more than a moment at presented the appearance of being a place for faithful members to share, learn, and communicate.  But the above methods caused me to leave most of them – unfortunately, there’s no shortage of wool-clad wolves out there.  One experience in particular demonstrates the above principles, so I’ll leave you with that account.

I visited the website of a group getting lots of publicity because I wanted to know what they really said, not what others claimed they said.  (I already knew that the claims were not in harmony with the gospel as I understood it, so I was already skeptical.)  As the homepage loaded, the Spirit very clearly and distinctly warned me “this is a dangerous place”.  I did not feel prompted to turn back, only that it was a dangerous place.  As I read, I found that they made claims about events in Church history, and cited references known to be reliable (things from the Church, BYU, Church historians with original documents, etc.).  But I found that their citations were vague — they would only reference the book, not the chapter or page number.  In some cases, they didn’t even give direct quotes, or only quoted few words.  In another instance, they gave a partial quote.  When I went to the sources they cited and read the full quote, or searched the entire book, I found that they had taken things out of context or couched them in their own deceptive language, thus altering the original meaning.  The Spirit was right – I was in a dangerous place.  I knew from this that I could dismiss any of their claims, and that if I ever needed to, I could come back, find the original, and demonstrate its falsity.  In one event, I did just that for a friend who was unsure of what the group teaches, and had friends who had bought into the group’s teachings.  (Interestingly, they have since removed some of that content and replaced it with much more subtlety – perhaps another warning sign.)

I hope that this gives you a starting place, Keith, so that you can test the content of the websites you encounter against the tools the Lord has given us for learning, understanding, and discernment.  I wish you well in your gospel surfing!

Gramps

Gramps,

I do not know if you have seen it in the news, but a group of militiamen recently seized a government facility in Oregon. The leaders of this group are LDS, and they claimed to have received a revelation to do this. (Of course, the Church has condemned their actions) I don’t know if I’m wording this right, but is there a way for us to know when something isn’t correct? Perhaps in a situation less obvious than this, it would be harder to discern.  Thank you.

Nate

Answer

Dear Nate,

This is an important question, and fortunately, the answer is yes.

You are right that there will be times in our lives when it is difficult to discern good from evil.  Satan is a master of disguise and deception.  Often, we can look to the words of the Prophets and our other leaders to guide us.  Certainly, the scriptures are there to help us as well.  Those are wonderful tools, and we should make sure we are familiar with them.   There may still be times in our lives when the “best choice” or “way” is not clear.

For those times, we need the Holy Ghost, specifically the Gift of Discernment.

“The gift of discernment ‘arises largely out of an acute sensitivity to impressions- spiritual impressions, . . . to detect hidden evil and more importantly to find the good that may be concealed.  The highest type of discernment is that which perceives in others and uncovers for them their better natures, the good inherent in them.” Stephen L. Richards (April 1950)

If we have the gift of discernment, we won’t be deceived.  We will know the difference between good and evil, but how do we develop this gift?

Consider for a moment that you wanted to learn to play the piano.  What would you do?  First, you would find a teacher (who would give you instructions and a book), and next, you would practice regularly.   The process of receiving spiritual gifts is very similar.

The teacher for the Gift of Discernment is the Holy Ghost.  So you start by asking Heavenly Father for this gift. Is it really okay to ask Heavenly Father for such a thing?  Yes!  In a verse that seems to be directed specifically to you and your question, the Lord tells us:

“Wherefore, beware lest ye are deceived; and that ye may not be deceived seek ye earnestly the best gifts, always remembering for what they are given.” D&C 46:8

In an Ensign article called How to Receive Spiritual Gifts, Lane Johnson taught, “It would appear from the scriptures that our Father desires to grant these gifts even more ardently than we desire to receive them.”  He also said, “It seems clear then that all who desire exaltation in the celestial kingdom of our Father must receive spiritual gifts.”   How to Receive Spiritual Gifts

So yes, by all means, pray for the gift of discernment.  But there’s more.  We’ve been taught, “We cannot expect the Lord to guide our footsteps if we’re not willing to move our feet.”  Elder Wilford W. Anderson   Seventy Shares Three Principles For Obtaining the “Faith To Leap”

The Lord expects us to do our part.  First, we need to study the instruction manual.  In this case, that is the scriptures and the words of our leaders.  Elder Richard G. Scott said,

“We need not be concerned about the validity of concepts contained in the standard works since the Holy Ghost has been the instrument which has motivated and inspired those individuals who have recorded the scriptures.” (The Power of Scripture).

 

“I say that we need to teach our people to find their answers in the scriptures. If only each of us would be wise enough to say that we aren’t able to answer any question unless we can find a doctrinal answer in the scriptures! And if we hear someone teaching something that is contrary to what is in the scriptures, each of us may know whether the things spoken are false—it is as simple as that. But the unfortunate thing is that so many of us are not reading the scriptures. We do not know what is in them, and therefore we speculate about the things that we ought to have found in the scriptures themselves. I think that therein is one of our biggest dangers of today.” (Find the Answers in the Scriptures)

If you search those, you will find much valuable help in better understanding the Gift of Discernment.

We must also practice the piano if we want to learn to play.  But how do we “practice” the gift of discernment? We actually have more opportunities to do this than you might think.

The steps are simple: pray, listen, act, repeat.

PRAY

Before you pray (privately or publicly), ask the Lord to guide your mind about what you should pray for.

When you share your testimony in Sacrament meeting, teach a class, or even share a comment…pray for guidance.

Each day when you say your morning prayer, pray for guidance on how to best serve the Lord that day.  The answer could come through something at work, or with your family, or even from a stranger.

When you have a decision to make, pray to be guided.

These are just a few of the ways we can invite the Spirit into our daily lives.  As you begin to make this a serious effort, more ideas will come to you.

LISTEN and ACT

Carol Lynn Pearson said, “When I hear the voice of the Spirit, it sounds like my own voice, only older and wiser.”  Sometimes when the need is urgent or the message is crucial, the Spirit will speak to us as an actual voice in our mind.  Most of the time, though, His voice sounds very much like our own, and we can easily miss it if we aren’t careful.

We can hone our listening skills through focused practice.  For example, imagine you pray in the morning to do the Lord’s will and be aware of the needs of those around you.  Later, you have a thought to call one of your home teaching families.  “But I just saw them last week,” might be your first thought.  Stop-remember that you prayed for inspiration.  If this isn’t inspiration, no harm will come from a phone call.  If it is inspiration, then you have just honed your ability to listen and perhaps been a great blessing to that family.

REPEAT

Just as with developing any other talent, the more you desire and work toward this goal, the easier it will be. Elder Bednar gave a wonderful talk that you might want to read.  Ask in Faith

Satan does not want you to develop spiritual gifts, so he will try to distract you.  So be careful of that.  Write your goal down, share it with someone close to you, and keep striving.  Doing so will become very crucial to you in the days ahead.  I know this because President Packer has warned us:

“No one of us can survive in the world of today much less in what it soon will become without personal inspiration.”      Reverence Invites Revelation

You can do this, Nate.

Gramps

Gramps,

My husband and I have been married for many years.  We have 5 children and I have felt for quite some time that we need to add to our family.  My husband does not feel the same.  I have prayed with much sincerity to know my Heavenly Father’s will and continue to have this feeling of another Spirit in our home.  Should I just forget about the impressions that I’ve had and drop the subject?

Angie

Answer

Dear Angie,

There are times in our lives when it is difficult to understand the mind and will of the Lord, and then to trust it.  You seem to be in one of those moments, you feel that the Spirit is nudging you to have another baby, and yet your husband doesn’t feel the same way.  The scriptures are full of stories of people asked to do difficult things which required them to trust the Lord and often to wait for His timing.

I assume you have already talked to your husband about this so my counsel is not to try and persuade him.  Take your concerns to the Lord.  Pour out your heart to him about how you feel prompted to have another child and your husband is not on board.  Then ask the Lord to change your husband’s heart, or yours as needed.  Be willing to trust the Lord’s timetable, like  Abraham and Sarah.  Though I don’t think He would literally make you wait that long…but possibly longer than you would hope.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

 

“In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:5–6).

Gramps

Hello Gramps,

I hope you’re doing well. I’m a young man of 18, just out of high school. I now have my entire life ahead of me with several possible life paths to choose from. I have a solid testimony of this gospel, and I’m fully aware of the importance of intellectual, philosophical, and spiritual progression versus material gain and secular praise and “success.” Unfortunately, I struggle on and off with marijuana and alcohol consumption, but that’s not what I’m getting at. I’m in a band, and extremely serious about music. It’s the most effective conduit for The Spirit in my life. I plan on touring extensively, and to be a career musician. I also have a burning desire to serve a mission however, and I just don’t know when I should do it. Everyone’s plan is different, you know? I’m very committed to my band right now, so I was thinking of waiting a few years or longer. How should I seek The Lord’s guidance in directing my own life? I wish to serve and please Him, and I want to follow his plan for me. Thank you for all that you do. I trust your wisdom.

Anonymous

Answer

Anonymous,

I can relate to facing two options and the difficulty in choosing between them. At the same time, there are some points I’d like to bring up to you.

First of all, let’s just go over the Word of Wisdom matter, as you have brought it up. It relates to serving a mission in an important way. One of the most important ways to prepare for a mission is to strengthen your testimony as much as you can. A relevant question in your case would be: How strong is your testimony about the Word of Wisdom? Any testimony can be strengthened, but could you picture yourself testifying about the principle as you are today?

The problem with both marijuana and alcohol is quite simple. Using either one of them makes it more difficult to feel the Spirit. The effect is quick, and difficult to get past once it begins. This is part of why we are commanded to avoid such substances. Any time something interferes with the Spirit, we risk missing important revelations and guidance that Heavenly Father wants us to receive. Imagine trying to talk on a phone through a pillow. It is all but impossible. If your musical goals are contributing to your Word of Wisdom concerns, there’s reason to examine just how strongly the Spirit is operating in your life. I know it would be stronger without those chemicals in your body. If you are serious about feeling the Spirit direct you to serve a mission, this is something that you need to resolve right away. The sooner you remove those addictive habits from your life, the easier it will be to let them go. The longer you wait, the more difficult it will be. This brings me to the other point I want to discuss with you.

Both serving a mission and pursuing a musical career are noble desires. However, you won’t always be able to serve a mission, even if you are ready and worthy. There is a cut-off age where the church would rather see you find a wife, get sealed in the temple and begin raising your family. If you wait too long to decide, the option will pass you by.

On the other hand, a musical career doesn’t really have a cut-off date. It does require regular practice, determination, and focus. I have a feeling that if you chose to serve a mission first, the Lord would not only help you prepare for two years of serving Him, but I am confident He would help you in your efforts to improve your talents in music once you had completed an honorable mission.

This is just how I see it, and you are certainly free to choose, as you will. However I can promise you that the blessings that come from serving an honorable mission will follow you for the rest of your life as you continue in faith. Such blessings, in my experience, far outweigh whatever the world has to offer.

I pray you will seek the Lord’s guidance in reaching your decision. Pray and listen to the answers you receive. I promise you’ll be much happier as you do so.

Gramps

Gramps,

I have a friend who feels that people of all religions want their religion to be true so badly that they convince themselves that their religion is true. He feels that any spirit or power felt by an individual is caused by a strong internal desire to feel something to solidify their belief. What is your opinion on this subject? What is a good way to refute his argument?  Thanks so much! You’re the man.

Austin

Answer

Austin,

This concept “convincing themselves” is a statement common among individuals who would claim to be agnostic or atheist, and I would agree with them to a point. As human beings we do have the ability to excite our own mental state resulting in a desired affect, i.e. crying or get really excited (we see this among humans in different scenarios).

We are also taught that in order to know something, or in order to receive a testimony we must first “desire” to know truth and then experiment upon the word of God (Alma 32:21-28).

Although I may agree with your friend, what I do not agree with is your friend’s sweeping generalization of “all religions,” or all “convince themselves.” Desire is necessary for any knowledge, especially spiritual knowledge. Without a strong internal desire our life would be very different as human beings. Desire is necessary for progression. Nephi explains his personal desire to know if the words of his father were true as shared in 1 Nephi 10:17-19.

When I am introduced to this question, this objection, I will often seek to learn more about what they mean regarding “strong internal desires.” I would ask for examples of what he/she interprets as a falsified witness through a person’s personal desire to know something to be true. Once this is discovered I would then share the First Vision. The appearance of God the Father and God the Son would not have been some random experience. This experience is either true or false. I would then share other examples of how the Holy Ghost has influenced the lives of others, and how it has blessed their lives. As an example I would share this story as given by Wilford Woodruff:

“I drove my carriage one evening into the yard of Brother Williams [a local member of the Church]. Brother Orson Hyde [of the Quorum of the Twelve] drove a wagon by the side of mine. I had my wife and children in the carriage. After I turned out my team and had my supper, I went to bed in the carriage. I had not been there but a few minutes when the Spirit said to me, ‘Get up and move that carriage.’ I told my wife I had to get up and move the carriage. She said, ‘What for?’ I said, ‘I don’t know.’ That is all she asked me on such occasions; when I told her I did not know, that was enough. I got up and moved my carriage. … I then looked around me and went to bed. The same Spirit said, ‘Go and move your animals from that oak tree.’ … I went and moved my horses and put them in a little hickory grove. I again went to bed.

 

“In thirty minutes a whirlwind came up and broke that oak tree off within two feet from the ground. It swept over three or four fences and fell square in that dooryard, near Brother Orson Hyde’s wagon, and right where mine had stood. What would have been the consequences if I had not listened to that Spirit? Why, myself and wife and children doubtless would have been killed. That was the still, small voice to me—no earthquake, no thunder, no lightning; but the still, small voice of the Spirit of God. It saved my life. It was the spirit of revelation to me.”

I would then ask, by what “strong internal desire” did Wilford Woodruff convince himself to move his wagon in the middle of the night? I would then bare testimony that by the same spirit Wilford Woodruff’s life and family was spared is by the same spirit God witnesses to His children the truth of His gospel. However, it is more likely this witness will not come until an individual has a strong desire to know and then act upon the witness received. In essence, there are times, due to our desires, that we may convince ourselves that something is true that is in reality false. This, however, doesn’t prove, that “all” witnesses would be false. This again would be a sweeping generalization, which can be more easily refuted by speaking with people who didn’t have a desire to know truth, actually persecuted it, and then received a witness that caused them to join the Church (Saul who became Paul is a great example of this from our scriptures). We also have modern examples of people who persecuted the Church, had no desire to join, and received an experience that changed their minds.

Gramps