Gramps,

I’m 14 years old. I guess I was never really taught that pornography was bad, cause I have always wanted to view it. But now that I have been for about a year… I know it as to stop, and I’d rather cut it off at an early age than have to deal with it after who knows how long. But with COVID-19 going on, the MASSIVE stress I’m dealing with for online school, and my anxiety, I feel like I can’t talk to anyone about it. I need some reassuring advice that only a grandfather can give.

Aether

Answer

Dear Aether,

I am extremely concerned for you. It greatly troubles me that a 14-year-old young man would resort to pornography usage to deal with the stresses and anxieties of everyday life. Understand that you are in very serious spiritual danger. Please talk to your father. That’s what we fathers are here for. We love our children and we want to help and defend them, even if sometimes we’re defending them from themselves. If you can’t talk to your dad, talk to your bishop.

You signed your question “Aether”. This is bitterly appropriate, because your consumption of pornography is literally rewiring your brain to respond to such images as if they were an anesthetic of sorts. Please believe me, you do not want your brain messed with in that way. I speak to you as if you were my grandson, with the same sincerity of heart. Please talk to your father (or your bishop) today. And please write back to me after you’ve talked with him (or them) and let me know you’ve started down that path. I will thank my Father above for that.

Here is an excellent video for you to watch that I’ve shown to my own grandchildren:

Gramps

-Gramps

Dear Gramps,

I want to know what the church policy/standard is concerning females wishing to pursue a career in modeling? What guidelines can young women following with regards to fashion when on the runway or shooting pictures? Desperately needs an urgent answer to help my young women.

Shirlette

Answer

Dear Shirlette,

It is undoubtedly very difficult to explain to young people some of the principles of the gospel that do not conform to the social standards of the day. One of the problems in this case is that there are models and also there are models. The thing that must be guarded against at all costs is not to display the body itself rather than the clothing with which it is adorned. It is true that although both the intentions and the heart of the model may be pure, she nevertheless lives in a very impure society, and any public display of the body would be contrary to the scriptures and to the spirit of the gospel. As recorded by Paul in 1 Cor 3:16-17—

Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?

 

If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.

The key here is that our bodies themselves are very sacred and holy. One of the reasons for this is that they are composed in the very image of God, and therefore they are not to be used to incite emotions or to be displayed as a matter of pride.

It seems to me that it would be extremely difficult for a young person to restrict herself to modeling only appropriate clothing that does not unduly expose the physical form. It is perhaps a more difficult thing to do than to refrain from playing in a college sports competition on Sunday.

Also, why would any young woman want to choose a career as a model? Would it be that the pay is good and the opportunities to advance in the profession are excellent? Would it be that she would be contributing to the welfare of society, relieving human suffering, or advancing the frontiers of knowledge? I believe that a bit of introspection would reveal that the overriding emotion motivating such a desire would simply be a matter of pride–the desire to display and show off a well-shaped figure and a beautiful face.

If we only could help our young people to realize who they really are, and what their potential really is–not just in this life, but in the eternities, I imaging that the desire for a modeling career would plummet to near the bottom of the list.

Gramps

Gramps,

I think I have committed the unpardonable sin. I have worried about it for a month. I was reading your article about it, and you said someone who commits it will not be deceived or confused. When I read that I felt certain that I had done it. I worry that I have denied Christ while I have known full knowledge of him. I am only 15 years old. I hope I have not committed it and become a son of perdition. Please help if you can.

Caroline

Answer

Dear Caroline,

Had you committed the unpardonable sin, you would not be unsure whether you had – by definition, you must know exactly what you are doing.  Further, you wouldn’t worry about it, nor hope otherwise.  Here’s how Joseph Smith described this sin:

ll sins shall be forgiven, except the sin against the Holy Ghost; for Jesus will save all except the sons of perdition. What must a man do to commit the unpardonable sin? He must receive the Holy Ghost, have the heavens opened unto him, and know God, and then sin against him. After a man has sinned against the Holy Ghost, there is no repentance for him. He has got to say that the sun does not shine while he sees it; he has got to deny Jesus Christ when the heavens have been opened unto him, and to deny the plan of salvation with his eyes open to the truth of it; and from that time he begins to be an enemy. This is the case with many apostates of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Joseph Smith, in History of the Church, 6:314).

Note the parts about having the heavens opened to you, and about becoming an enemy.  You are not acting as an enemy.  You are reaching out, seeking hope that you can be forgiven, and I feel confident that you can.

I encourage you to counsel with your bishop.  Don’t be afraid – he’s there to help you feel the love of Christ, and to understand and accept Christ’s atoning power into your life.  If you can’t talk to your bishop, talk to your parents or a trusted leader.  Their greater experience can help you to put your actions into context, and help you plan how to change whatever needs changing.  I think you’ll find they’ll understand far better than you imagine.

As long as you desire to come to Christ, there is hope.  Satan is the only one who doesn’t want you to feel hope.  Reject Satan.  Turn to Christ and let him bless your life.  Here are a few scriptures to remind you that the Lord is merciful and forgives those who repent:

D&C 61:2 … I, the Lord, forgive sins, and am merciful unto those who confess their sins with humble hearts;

Hebrews 8:12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.

D&C 109:53 But inasmuch as they will repent, thou art gracious and merciful, and wilt turn away thy wrath when thou lookest upon the face of thine Anointed.

D&C 76:5 For thus saith the Lord—I, the Lord, am merciful and gracious unto those who fear me, and delight to honor those who serve me in righteousness and in truth unto the end.

I encourage you to study the scriptures, looking particularly for the loving mercy of Jesus Christ.  Stories such as the ones of Alma the Younger and the sons of Mosiah, or the people of Ammon (the Anti-Nephi-Lehies) are good examples of how forgiving the Lord is, and how through him, we can be enabled to turn away from sin and accomplish amazing good.

The Lord loves you, Caroline.  Your soul is precious to him.  Trust him to heal you and speak peace and comfort to your soul.

Gramps

Hello Gramps!

I have been dealing with an addiction for quite awhile now and I am 18 and have been thinking about a mission for awhile.To me, I feel like I need to have a confirmation of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and that the Church is true.   Because I have this addiction I don’t feel worthy enough to pray even less read the Book of Mormon to receive a confirmation. Also, since I graduated from High school I have really been questioning the church. Can you please help with my dilemma? (18 yr priest)

Wyatt

Answer

Dear Wyatt,

No matter how well the devil may know you, God and Christ know you infinitely better.  What’s more, they love you and want you to come back home after your mortal experience.  They want to bless your mortal experience with all the things you’ll need to come back home.  And they’re more powerful than the devil will ever be – so trust them.

The Spirit Teaches Us to Pray

The first thing we need to clear up is your concern that you aren’t worthy enough to pray.  Nothing could be farther from the truth!  That idea comes straight from Satan and his followers:

And now, my beloved brethren, I perceive that ye ponder still in your hearts; and it grieveth me that I must speak concerning this thing. For if ye would hearken unto the Spirit which teacheth a man to pray, ye would know that ye must pray; for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.

 

But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.  (2 Nephi 32:8-9)

Unlike the evil spirit, the Holy Ghost (and all who are followers of Christ) will teach you to pray.  If sin – any sin – made one unworthy to pray, none of us would be worthy to pray!  Feeling unworthy is one of the best reasons to pray – prayer is a huge part of repentance.  You might feel like you’re too far gone to be heard, but Isaiah has the truth of it:

Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.  (Isaiah 1:18)

However bad your sins may be, Christ can heal you.  There’s nothing you can say to God that He doesn’t already know – so go and talk to God.  The act of speaking to him, and listening for His guidance and inspiration will give you strength to improve.  The first step can be the hardest, but there is great power in it.

Gaining Spiritual Confidence

In addition to prayer, you mention two things that I think you should work on to help create and maintain the momentum you need to improve.  The first of these is hesitance or uncertainty.  Life is full of this.  It takes hard work to overcome.  Here again, the scriptures provide us with guidance (emphasis mine):

But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words. (Alma 32:27)

From your comments, I feel like you have this desire, but perhaps need help to recognize it for what it is.  Throw off the uncertainty – or at least any thoughts or feelings of doubt that certainty can be achieved – it can be!  I highly recommend that you study all of Alma 32.  You may find the surrounding chapters of use too.  Alma’s teachings in this chapter are some of the best out there about how to test truth.  The Lord himself provided a second witness of this method:

If any man will do his will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself. (John 7:17)

Decide now, not later, but right now, that you are going to “give place” for the teachings in the Book of Mormon, that you are going to test the Savior’s challenge to “do his will”, and see what the outcome is.  But be sure you do this sincerely – not to prove it all wrong, but to sincerely trust that if it is right, acting on it will yield good results.  (See Moroni 7:6, 9 and James 1:6.)  You might think you’re not worthy enough to feel the Spirit or receive inspiration from God.  Again, if this were the case, none of us would be worthy, for we are all sinners!  The mere fact that you’re reaching out for help tells me that you want to improve, and that is all the Savior needs to work with – a sincere desire!

Gaining a Testimony of the Book of Mormon

Specific to your desire to obtain a testimony of the Book of Mormon, please study Moroni 10.  As you do, make notes of the things you need to do to follow Moroni’s counsel:

• What things do you need to remember (make note of them)?
• What does it mean to “receive these things”? (It does not mean only to have a copy of the Book of Mormon in your possession – perhaps go read all the definitions of the verb “receive” in a dictionary and consider which of those are applicable here.)
• How do you develop a sincere heart and real intent?
• How do you increase your faith in Christ?
• Etc.

As you study (not just read, but read, consider, and make notes), the Holy Ghost will teach and encourage you.  When you feel the time is right, kneel in a quite place when you won’t be interrupted.  Start your prayer with gratitude.  Express the sorrow you feel for your sins and weakness.  Testify of the truths you already know (it may sound odd to testify to God, but trust me, there is power in this).  Then ask him to confirm or witness to you of the truths you have studied.

Regarding your “on and off” thinking about a mission, just as with the above, put aside the indecision and make a choice.  Even if you can’t decide that you willgo on a mission, at least decide now that you will prepare yourself for a mission.  Above study will help you greatly.  You can also study Preach My Gospel: A Guide to Missionary Service.  Learning how to teach others the gospel will also teach you the gospel.  All these things will bring you to the point where you can know for yourself the truth and be prepared to share it with others.

Overcoming Sin and Addiction

The final thing we need to address is addiction.  By definition, addiction is not something one overcomes alone.  If you haven’t already, please go see your bishop immediately.  Don’t wait.  Don’t be ashamed or afraid.  It will be a huge relief to confess and invoke the keys your bishop holds to bring Christ’s Atoning power into effect in your life.  If you are truly addicted, one visit won’t be enough, but your bishop can help you to find the resources you need.  He can provide spiritual guidance, and he can help you as you study and prepare for your future.  I can’t emphasize enough how important it is not to wait – the longer you wait, the harder it gets.  (See “Repentance Is Always Positive” by Stephen W. Owen from October 2017 General Conference.)

Go Forth with Faith

This may seem like a lot of work, but remember what I said above about there being power in the first step?  I promise it’s much easier once you start.  Remember, it doesn’t all have to be done in an instant.  You’re looking to create new habits, and this is best done by doing a little at a time, consistently and persistently.  Do the things you know are right.  Follow the counsel of your bishop.  Spend time each day in the scriptures and in prayer.  Soon you will find yourself back in control.  You will feel confidence in your ability to overcome the doubts and struggles you now have.  If you miss a day, or slip up, don’t beat yourself up, just start again.  We all mess up sometimes – you won’t be alone in that – so the important part is to start again.  Perhaps above all, trust in the Lord:

But he that believeth these things which I have spoken, him will I visit with the manifestations of my Spirit, and he shall know and bear record. For because of my Spirit he shall know that these things are true; for it persuadeth men to do good.

 

And whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do good is of me; for good cometh of none save it be of me. I am the same that leadeth men to all good; he that will not believe my words will not believe me—that I am; and he that will not believe me will not believe the Father who sent me. For behold, I am the Father, I am the light, and the life, and the truth of the world. (Ether 4:11-12)

You have my prayers, hopes, and best wishes!

Gramps

Dear Gramps,

Can  young men or young women have a calling while he or she is still a young men/women and still attending that class?  Many have already reached the age of 18.  Could they have a calling in something like Primary? Please advise.

Best regards,

Romano

Answer

Dear Romano,

Though it is unusual for one of the youth to hold a calling (other than in their respective class presidencies) it is not unheard of. My granddaughter is currently serving as a “Youth Family History Consultant”.  Over the years I have occasionally seen youth serve in the nursery from time to time, and once there was an 18 year old (still in high school) called to be Branch Clerk.

My concern would be with a calling like nursery that takes a youth out of their regular classes, however, in some individual instances this may be appropriate. It is okay to offer a suggestion, or volunteer, but ultimately it is the Bishop’s decision to make.  He is the one that will be given the guidance of the Holy Ghost in these matters.

Gramps

Gramps,

I have recently been called to be the Young Women’s Beehive president but I am only 12. I don’t really know how I am supposed to call for counselors and what my responsibilities are or what I have to do. I am stressed and I really don’t want to fail.  So what are my responsibilities as president and how do I call for counselors?

Jaclyn

Answer

Jaclyn,

Congratulations on your new calling.  What an exciting time for you.  I absolutely love when I receive questions from our youth.  I understand your concern as to what your responsibilities are.  I commend you for asking, as I’m sure you want to do everything you need to do to magnify your calling.

According to the Church Handbook of Instruction it states the following responsibilities:

They watch over and fellowship class members, especially those who are new members or less active and those who have disabilities or other special needs. They pray for them, spend time with them, and become genuine friends.

They help class members establish close friendships, learn leadership skills, and live the gospel.

They help each young woman know that she is welcome when she becomes a member of their class.

They support class members’ efforts in the Personal Progress program.

They hold regular class presidency meetings.

They conduct the Sunday meetings for their classes.

They help plan activities, including Mutual.

The class presidents serve on the bishopric youth committee.

Now keep in mind that each ward or branch has their own unique issues and circumstances that might also be considered.  I recommend that you work closely with your Young Women adviser assigned to the Beehive class (if you have one) or your Young Women Presidency.  They will help to guide you and direct you as well.

As far as calling counselors, pray to Heavenly Father to help with this.  Follow your instinct on this.  Many times callings are given not because that person is the best qualified but sometimes because the calling will help to strengthen them as well.

Good luck with your new calling.  You will do great I’m sure.

Gramps

Gramps,

Some questions I have asked you I have asked other people before and after I’ve seen your answer. Who am I to believe?  Sometimes my Sunday School teacher will give me a different answer than my Seminary teacher which might be different from your answers. Who should I listen to and know what is right? I’m going through a time where I cannot receive revelation due to my personal sins and life.  Do I need to wait until I can before I can know who is right?

Joey

Answer

Joey,

Let me immediatley tell you that you will always be entitled to personal revelation from God. You may not have the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost due to your sins, but that never means you cannot receive answers to prayers.

Never ever allow sin to persuade you to stop trying to communicate with your Heavenly Father. That is only the will of Satan working to keep you from your answers. He only has the power over you that you let him have. Fight him off and seek out the creator of your spirit. God will never stop wanting to reach you, to communicate with you, and to lead you to the answers you seek.

Now, as for the different answers, some of them apply to specific situations, and others are from a different viewpoint than what you may see. In the end, your personal prayers are the key to finding out the truth for yourself. The answer is there for you to find. Don’t ever stop trying to find it until you recieve it from Heavenly Father.

Believe Heavenly Father

Ultimately you are only expected to believe Heavenly Father without question. The reason is simple, and that is because we know truth when we hear it, and Heavenly Father will never lie to us. We will feel the truth we see through the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

Stay on the path to correcting your life and standing before God. Keep searching for the answers you seek, and I promise you God will answer as soon as you’re ready to hear it.

Gramps

Dear Ally,
You could give vent to your feelings and make a play for this young man. If that were successful and you were to get married, I wouldn’t give a dime for the chances of success in your marriage. You would have prevented him from going on a mission, which is the greatest goal in his life right now. As a missionary, he will have the opportunity to bring the gospel into the lives of numbers of people. Were you to prevent that, all these people and their posterity would likely have missed their opportunity for salvation in the kingdom of God. The missionaries that would have come from those converted families would not exist, and those that they would have converted would not have the chance to receive the gospel. The terrible effects of this young man not going on a mission would snowball through all eternity!
If you really love this young man, I’m sure that you would want the very best for him. What I detect from your letter is that you really love yourself and would be willing to destroy him in order to satisfy your own desires. There is really only one course open to you. Encourage him to go on his mission, and never do anything that would tempt him to disqualify himself. During his mission write friendly letters–not love letters–to him. After he returns home, that would be the time to begin to establish a personal relationship. If you were to do it that way you would have a much better change for success–and for long term success. The two of you could be married in the temple, and if you were to live in accordance with the covenants of that temple marriage, you would be marriage partners forever.
Gramps

Dear Ian,
The last time I was in Argentina for any length of time was 1969-72, when I presided as the last president of the Argentina North Mission, at which time we divided the mission into the Cordoba and Rosario Missions, and organized the second and third stakes in the country–the Cordoba and Mendoza Stakes. So there is not much that I could tell you about what to expect from your missionary service, except that regardless of the procedures and protocol, your attitude of complete, dedicated service would be all important. These two years will determine the direction of your life from then on, into the eternities. So the more time that you can give yourself to the Lord and the less time that you can use to satisfy personal interests will all be to your advantage.
You undoubtedly now have a strong testimony on the gospel. That testimony will change as a result of your missionary experiences. You will gain a much closer association with the Savior, himself. You will feel his presence, and you will hear and follow his guidance. It is, of course, his specific work in which you will be engaged, and his love for those that you will teach knows no bounds. Therefore, he will be close to you and give you the guidance to influence by the Spirit those that you teach. You will gain a deep understanding of the following scripture—

And whoso receiveth you, there I will be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up (D&C 84:88).

Argentina is 3000 miles long, north to south, so it has every climate from the sub-tropics to the antarctic. The climate in Cordoba is somewhat like that in Arizona, although perhaps not quite so hot, but equally dry. You can find out much detailed information about the mission by going to the web and accessing “Mision Argentina Cordoba.”
Preparation to enter the temple—Be worthy, be teachable.
Gramps

Hi Gramps,

My 15 year old son announced today that he does not want to go to seminary tomorrow. He is struggling with some doctrinal issues regarding plural marriage and one other one that I was able to help him resolve in his mind. If you were his dad, would you require him to attend seminary? What if he emotionally and loudly objected, saying he wanted to skip until he was ready to return. I know he is upset with his seminary teacher, thinks she doesn’t want to talk to him and can’t answer his questions. This is a very good young man, very active in his quorum, great student, and very intelligent and beyond his years in most areas. My inclination is to just give him some space – a day or two to see if this will blow over rather than make a big issue of it. What do you think?

Mom

Answer

Dear Mom,

I’m sorry that I could not answer this within the day or two about which you asked, so I guess that we will have to deal with generalities. I’m of the opinion that doctrinal issues have nothing to do with your boy’s not wanting to go to seminary. If he were concerned about doctrine, seminary would be the place to get it all sorted out. Now, he certainly could be upset with his teacher, but if everyone who gets upset with their teacher is allowed to leave school, there wouldn’t be very many attending. I think that perhaps the first thing to do is to get down to the real issues. Try to find out what his concerns really are and deal with those. Next, I don’t think that I would require him to attend seminary, but who is running this house, anyway, the kids or the parents? Children at home are legally under the direction of their parents. The parents command and the children respond. But as I mentioned, force is never a good solution, and almost always produces a negative rebound effect. So give your boy his choice of alternatives– one alternative would be to go to seminary, another alternative would be to read and study the scriptures for three hours each day that he didn’t attend seminary. That way he would be getting the needed religious instruction. Why three hours at home rather than one hour in seminary? Because that is the efficiency ratio between a 15-year-old boy studying by himself and studying in classroom setting with a competent teacher and other students.

Gramps

Gramps,

I need your help on what to do. I’ve kinda polluted my mind by accident. Some songs and movies I thought would never come back, have come back, and I get bad thoughts in my head sometimes and I feel that I can’t always control my thoughts.(Its not like killing thoughts or anything). I have asked my Father in Heaven many times for forgiveness and help to overcome the problem of thinking bad thoughts. I sometimes feel worthy of the Lord’s Spirit and then sometimes I don’t. I’m a teenager and want to do what is right. I don’t always feel bad or unworthy. Would you please give me some advice on what to do, I’d really appreciate it. And also another thing. My friend believes that God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost are all one. Would you give me some scripture in which it says they are one in purpose but not in body or person. Everything I give him he comes back with some argument to the contrary. He’s a very smart guy and its difficult to get Please Help.

A J.

Answer

Dear A J.,

The struggle that you are involved in to keep your mind clean and pure and free from unsavory thoughts is a struggle that every young person goes through–and most adults as well. It seems to me that you are on the right path. The most important thing is to recognize that impure thoughts are degrading by their very nature and that they are against the will of the Lord, who has said,

Be ye therefore perfect, even as or your Father which is in heaven is perfect. (Matt 5:38)

He doesn’t expect us to be perfect all at once, but to have that goal in mind and strive for it throughout all our mortal lives. Thus thought control should be one of your most important goals.

Consider the running back in a football game who is given many opportunities to run the ball. Sometimes he makes progress before he is tackled, and sometimes he is thrown for a loss. But when he is tackled he has the choice to either give up and walk off the field, or to go back in there and try it again, and again, until he finally makes a touchdown. That’s the way it is when we confront the opposition of temptation, especially the temptation to think bad thoughts. Each time we run the ball, or each time we confront a temptation and try to overcome it, we gain added strength to do better next time. Since none of us is perfect, as soon as we overcome one obstacle or gain domination over one appetite or passion, there is something else always there to challenge our resolve, our determination and our ability. Satan never gives up in trying to get us to think bad thoughts, so we must never give up in trying to control our thoughts. But this I promise you, if you maintain your desire and your attempts to gain more control over your thoughts, you will have the Spirit of the Lord to guide you and to strengthen you, and you will be successful!!

Now concerning your other question of the Deity being one in purpose and not in body, ask your friend to reflect on the following scripture, found in John 8:16-18–

And yet if I judge, my judgment is true: for I am not alone, but I and the Father that sent me.

 

It is also written in your law, that the testimony of two men is true.

 

I am one that bear witness of myself, and the Father that sent me beareth witness of me. 

Here the Savior is using the example of the necessity in the Jewish law of two witnesses to establish the truth. Then, to establish the truth of his own judgements he cites two witnesses, Himself and His Father in Heaven. It would take a powerful twisting of the scriptures to interpret that passage as referring to two different manifestations of the same personage. Nevertheless, that is what is done by those who believe that the Trinity is of one substance. I doubt that your citing any biblical scriptures will change their minds. If you could get them to develop an open minded interest in learning new truths, then you could reveal to them the modern scriptures, and as they become influenced by the whisperings of the Holy Spirit they will come to recognize and accept the truth.

Gramps