Comments on: Should I end my relationship with a Mormon woman?

By: Jack

Jack — Wed, 06 Jul 2016 16:30:00 +0000

The only real reason to marry is for love. I really believe that. If you love each other, then you can overcome these problems. But in reality, as we move through life, the differences in religion can be very stressful, especially when children are involved. I was raised in a mixed religion home. My mother wanted to raise us LDS, my father wanted us to make or own choices. Instead of Sundays being a wonderful day, I dreaded them and still do to this day. Even though you may love each other now, you need to look long-term as well and think of your offspring and how all of that is going to work.

By: Deborah1962

Deborah1962 — Mon, 16 Jun 2014 15:51:00 +0000

In reply to A happily married man.

I am the only LDS member of my family immediate and extended. Before I was converted to LDS, I was brought up Roman Catholic by my mom. My father was a different religion that didn’t believe Jesus was the Savior of the world, just a great teacher (he wasn’t Jewish). Since my mom obviously believed in Jesus, they argued all the time. Dad and mom would have very lively discussions and if it was studded with alcohol consumption, things got heated. They’ve been married going on 54 years but, they don’t talk religion much these days. They respect each other’s corner.

When I was newly baptized, I wanted everyone to be baptized, so I went on a one woman mission to convert my family, they were not interested in the slightest.

After the initial shock it hit me that I was going about it wrong. It wasn’t them that needed to change because I wanted them to, it was me that needed to understand we all have the right to believe what we want to believe, right or wrong. Would I love to stand with them in the Temple or at their baptism into this great church? YES, but I know it won’t happen as things stand in this life time.

I hope this woman has done her homework and prayerfully considers her choices. There are plenty of men to fill the spot in her heart true enough, however, if she’s planning on being married in the Temple, she cannot with an atheist. It may be she thinks to marry him in civil ceremony now and sealed later should he change his mind. Miracles have been known to happen. My Home Teacher was converted after his wife returned to activity.

By: djgibb

djgibb — Wed, 11 Jun 2014 18:50:00 +0000

Generally marriages from the same socio-economic and cultural backgrounds do better. Make no mistake the LDS faith is a lifestyle with a culture of its own. Can a marriage work with people with such different backgrounds? Certainly–but it does bring additional challenges, especially when children enter the mix.

By: Shannon Sorensen

Shannon Sorensen — Sat, 31 May 2014 01:17:00 +0000

What do you love about this woman? I think any answer you give, she could link back to her sense of identity. I think if you were to press further, her sense of identity would be connected firmly to her understanding of God, her relationship to him, and her sense of purpose related thereunto. I promise you that she would not be the same woman if she were to relenquish her sense of an understanding of self as it presently is.

By: Vicky

Vicky — Tue, 27 May 2014 14:53:00 +0000

When my parents married, my mother was an active Jehovah’s Witness and my father came from an active LDS family. There was rarely peace in our home, so my father decided it was best to leave his church and allow my mom to raise us in her’s. The peace never returned, but my dad chose to keep the family intact, so divorce was not an option. Being raised in such a household was not a positive experience for me and my siblings.
Years later I left the church I was raised in and soon joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, feeling much more content with this new found faith. After a few years I ordered a copy of my dad’s
Patriarchal Blessing. Our family missed out on so many wonderful blessings because of the choices my parents made in the beginning. In my opinion, no matter what the two faith’s are that begin in a two-faith household, it will have it’s many bitter moments that not only affect the marriage and the children, but also the extended family members.
I joined the LDS church several years after I married a second time. My husband didn’t join until 8 yrs later. If was a real struggle for me, trying to juggle making my marriage happy and trying to raise the boys with one foot in each world. I was one of the fortunate ones. My husband did eventually join the Church, but I have known many individuals in each religion of my life that weren’t so lucky.
We’ve had several in our ward that have encouraged us to allow our sons to date outside the Church, calling it a “missionary opportunity.” My husband and I have chosen to follow the Prophets counsel to allow them to date only in the Church.
Marriage is hard enough in this old world, whatever the couple’s beliefs may be. No matter how much a couple may love each other, there will be contentions in the marriage. Having contention and fighting over who’s beliefs are right and how to raise the children make for a very unhappy family life. You may stay married, but how it will affect the children most in the long run is a serious matter to consider. It’s not always what the heart wants that makes for the best decisions in life.

By: Joselyn

Joselyn — Tue, 27 May 2014 02:50:00 +0000

I think it is important to know that if your girlfriend was raised a Mormon, it is a belief that is deeply engrained in her soul. I was inactive when I married and thought it was not important to me to have religion and temple blessings in my life. When I had my first child, I knew that I wanted to have that baby with me eternally. Of course I thought my husband would feel the same, but it has never happened. The interesting thing is that my son went the same path of inactivity but reached the point that he wanted the church in his life. He ended up getting a divorce and marrying an active LDS girl, and has a full and joyful life now.

By: A happily married man

A happily married man — Mon, 26 May 2014 14:28:00 +0000

Having had several family members and relatives in an almost identical situation, I will tell you this: a relationship can only work if you RESPECT each other NO MATTER WHAT. If the focus of your relationship is church and not each other, your relationship is doomed to fail. These may seem like polarizing views, but this is a very real thing you’ll likely have to deal with.

Let me explain why:

If church is the center of someone’s life, they will NEVER choose you over it. When the church says to do something, they will do it even if you don’t agree with it, and you will find yourself kicked to the curb (in a non-literal sense, of course). Joseph Smith taught that “a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things never has the power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation.” In the temple, there is also something sometimes referred to as the “law of sacrifice,” which says you’re willing to sacrifice everything for the church. You might want to read this talk as it touches on it in lightly:

https://www.lds.org/ensign/2000/04/living-the-law-of-sacrifice?lang=eng

Personal example:

Growing up, my father always chose the church over family. Due to this, my parents’ family is a broken mess today. There were no converts in our immediate family, just so you know. It was the fact that we never got the attention we needed while everyone else around us in the ward and stake did. When I called my father on it as a young man, he replied, “The church is all I have left.” This was untrue and he was just too blind to see the quiver full of children he had who needed his care and leadership at home. My mother also had to deal with his perpetual absence and would often scream, yell, and even get abusive with us, because my father wasn’t around for her, for the most part, either.

This may sound extreme, but it is often the case for people who have heavy church responsibilities. I think this also has to do with one of two problems:

1. People wanting to hold onto positions of authority
2. Lack of understanding as to how to delegate, so everyone in the ward shares the burden of work

And as I have said before, the church is supposed to be there to ASSIST families, not rob them of parents from the home. This is my own personal belief, due to watching my own parents’ family unravel before my eyes over the years.

On the other hand, if a spouse is the center of the person’s life, they will NEVER choose the church over their partner. In this case, despite what the church may want, a person will say their spouse’s needs are more important (than a relief society meeting, church calling, etc.).

Personal example:

My grandmother and two aunts married non-members. While they fundamentally disagree with their spouses on a number of issues, they are wise enough not to light fuses that run to stockpiles of dynamite. Religion, politics, and others are a few explosive topics. It’s not to say that you can’t enjoy going to a ward dinner together, though. What it means is that you DO NOT force your beliefs on the other person.

Of course, according to LDS belief, any marriage not sealed in the temple only lasts for the duration of this life. If you don’t believe that, which it sounds like you don’t, then you may not feel the need to worry about it. On the other hand, if you ever change your mind, you may consider it more seriously.

Now it brings me to my question: what kind of person are you dating? If you are unsure, you should go ask her and find out. Many times couples can handle the situation when it’s just the two of them, but as soon as children enter the foray, it becomes a full-blown war zone in the family. That’s just not cool.