I highly disagree with the suggestion to “consult your bishop immediately.” The POLICE should be your first contact. There are a couple of reasons why:

1. The church is NOT set us do deal with investigations of this nature and they lack the manpower, expertise, and resources to sort out situations like this.
2. The church is supposed to turn ALL matters of sexual abuse over to the police according to the law, anyway.
3. If your father is friends with the bishop, in a very visible church position, or has a network of friends there, it will likely turn against you and quickly divide family, friends, and in some cases, the ward.

If you consult the police first on the other hand, they will make an investigation if they find it warranted, and the entire ward will back off unless they want to be charged with obstruction of justice. In a case like this, people will generally see the truth for what it is, because as I said before: “there should be ZERO conflict of interest” when the civil authorities are involved.

Here is a news story about some very famous Mormons and their struggle to deal with the sexual abuse by their father. I hope this will give you some added insight.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/11/28/the-5-browns-speak-out-about-their-sex-abuse-ordeal-exclusive.html

I am a therapist and have seen many children an adolescents who have had similar experiences to yours. You need to know that if your dad has done this to you, he has likely done this to others as well. You also need to know that his behavior is not your fault. Nor is it your fault if there are legal repercussions for him or strain on your family when you report this. Any pain, legal problems, of family discord is from his choices to sexualize a child.

I know a lot of children and teens feel responsible – especially if they experiences sexual pleasure as result of actions taken by an adult. Many even say or think that it was “consensual.” A persons brain is not fully developed until well after adolescence. Legally, physically, spiritually, the responsibility is your dad’s.

Reporting this could feel very scary. I suggest you talk with a trusted adult and ask them to help you go through the process. Bishops, school counselor, school nurse, or doctor are good supports if you don have a friend or family member you trust.

I noticed that you mentioned that your dad seems unhappy. I can tell that you love your dad even though you are uncomfortable with him and you know he’s done some terrible things. Your love for him is the best reason to report this. Many people who sexualize children know it is wrong, feel guilty about it, are unhappy, but find it difficult to stop even if they want to. Your telling will help him stop. Will help him be responsible. Will help him look closer at his life and choices. Perhaps he will repent in time and will be able to be happy when he is no longer burdened by his horrible sin and secrecy.

I know something about the situation you are in, but not fully. My father did not abuse the children in our family sexually, per se, but physically, mentally, and verbally he did. My father also had a somewhat limited collection of pornography in the basement while he served in many positions in the church. I think the presence of that filth in the house also directly led to serious problems with the law of chastity for one of my siblings at a very young age after they stumbled across it.

On the other hand, a number of my close friends (both male and female) were sexually abused by relatives or other people their parents associated with in the church.

My experience with reporting any kind of abuse to church leaders first is that it is the worst way to go about the situation. Given adults have a more expansive network of acquaintances in the church, you will likely be demonized if you bring it up there first. Gramps hit the nail on the head about people taking sides, because they willーthey did with those in my family and they did with my friends. In addition, the younger you are and the more friends the person in question has, the more likely adults will view you as being a untruthful, and in a worst-case scenario, a down-right liar. That can be mentally and emotionally damaging for a young kid who’s grasping at any straw they can to try and get real help.

I also fully agree if the abuse was sexual in nature toward you, you NEED to go to the police. The police should be unbiased and given they probably don’t know you, your family, or anybody in your ward, there should be ZERO conflict of interest. And in the case an investigation is warranted, only the truth should matter.

Now I know some of my friends have tried to keep these issues bottled up inside, but eventually they do come out. It may nor be now, it may not be tomorrow, but what we experience in our childhood surely does mold the way we think and how we deal with others. Consequently, it would also truly be a shame if you found an honorable man in your life who will love you for who you are unconditionally, but unfairly forced to receive the brunt of any bitterness you may still harbor due to your father’s bad example.

I think if you can find someone who will listen to your concerns and help you through the process, you will be able to heal. And this is my two cents here, but what has happened to you as a young woman and the filth you were exposed to at that age as an unwilling participant is NOT your fault. I guarantee, without a shadow of a doubt, God sees it that way, too.