https://askgramps.org/turn-priesthood-counsel-regarding-sexual-abuse/ Moral answers to everyday concerns, curiosities, and uncertainties. Gramps considers all questions on all topics from all sources. Wed, 29 Sep 2021 03:16:27 +0000 hourly 1 https://askgramps.org/turn-priesthood-counsel-regarding-sexual-abuse/#comment-34828 Wed, 06 Apr 2016 20:04:00 +0000 http://en.elds.org/askgramps-org/?p=31515#comment-34828 Thank you for your answer to this question. I hope it helps Jeanette any anyone else seeking help and healing from the awful effects of sexual abuse. I am a survivor of incestuous sexual abuse. I refer to Sister Okazaki’s talk often to help me feel understood and to reassure me that I’m not crazy or bad for not being able to forgive at the moment. I carry a lot of anger. I struggle because I have seen no justice, only mercy for the people who hurt me. I feel as though I’m suffering for what happened to me but those that hurt me do not. In fact they have moved on and are raising families and are active members of the church who hold callings. It feels impossible to me to forgive while I suffer for what they did. I find at church that people seem to believe that forgiving is the cure and that to make this go away, to move on with my life, all I have to do is forgive. I like that Chieko Okazaki speaks of forgiveness as the final step in the healing process and not the only step and the “cure all.” I think this is where many members get confused.
I struggle to know the difference between denial and healing. I struggle to trust God and to believe that justice will actually be served. Mercy has robbed justice in my life. My abusers were abused, so people take that knowledge and do nothing about it out of pity for the abuser. In my situation my Mother minimized what happened to me and denied my pain by telling me all the awful things that happened to my abusers. It was used as an excuse and an escape for responsibility.
I am barely hanging on to my testimony. I know that I need the gospel. I believe in the restoration. I struggle with church so much because it seemed to be the cover for all the garbage that went on in my family. The lines get blurred and I cannot see clearly. I get triggered at church when I hear talks on forgiveness. I get triggered just being around men who give talks or teach because I feel I cannot trust them. I get triggered because I feel as though I’m being asked to just take it and deal with it because I’m not perfect and need the Atonement too. I feel as though I’m being asked to be OK with the abuse in order to allow my abusers to move on.

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