On one hand, men do generally look for women that first attract them and then who are emotionally compatible and enough of a “catch” or “jewel” to provide for and spend his life working hard to please. This is what the politically correct crowd would call his objectification of the woman, regardless of how hard she probably worked on her appearance for that exact thing to happen (the part that doesn’t seem to get acknowledged).

On the other hand, most women do indeed operate on physical attraction as well, but social stigmas still have them denying this for the most part. Instinctively, however, women look for security and providence in men, including stock properties for childbearing, with looks and even character often taking a back seat. You will see very attractive women marry the ugliest men to achieve this goal simply because he’s rich. This too, is objectification. But the politically correct crowd is silent on that because of today’s unbalanced man-bashing culture. But objectification of men it remains.

So are either of these wrong? NO – these are the features that Heavenly Father specifically designed each gender to instinctively appreciate in each other. I sat in a general conference session a number of years
back and listened to President Monson tell the young women to ” make yourselves pretty” and marry good successful men. He also told the priesthood to get off their behinds to BE those good successful men. In other words, he was telling them to maximize the irrefutable traits and benefits of their equally glorious genders (not confuse them or bash them). These behaviors were put in place by God himself and recently clarified out of the mouth of his prophet.
As for those who embitter themselves by looking for reasons to be offended on this issue, the fact that some of us measure up in these areas differently than others is all part of the grand glory of diversity, opportunity, adaptation, consequence, self-improvement, and character building. And all by design.

I married a man who is not what I would call physically attractive (I’m no cover model myself). I was not at all interested in him when we first met, but developed an attraction to him over time based on other qualities. We have now been married for 8 years, HOWEVER, there were times early in our marriage when I regretted marrying him and would long for someone better looking. I have since been able to recognize that as a failing in myself and had to work very hard to overcome it. Hence my questions in regards to why this man is considering marriage to this woman to begin with. If it is purely because he sees no other prospects, then it is a very bad idea indeed. But if he loves other qualities about her, it is very possible that they can have a very happy marriage, if he is willing to work on how he feels about her physically. Based on the fact that he is asking Gramps the question in the first place, it sounds like he does recognize that the issue with her looks may very well be with himself.

While I understand and appreciate the point of the diamond parable, in that story both the wrapping (though insignificant in price by comparison) and the diamond ring are quite beautiful. Ideally we should be able to look on the wonderful inward qualities as we choose our mates, but if we have the strong feelings about someone’s outside appearance that the questioner expressed, it is probably best to move on.

I would advise you to lay off him!! It is a very good question and one many men and women go through!! The answer is very tough. To you, sir, I would advise going with your heart. Pray to God and ask him and He will answer your prayers!! Gramps answer was a great one, but in the end you have to decide! He has mentioned in the past that there is no such thing as a “soul mate”, so do what you think is in your best interest!

It’s definitely a weighty matter to consider when you think about it and there can be long-term consequences on both sides of the coin in regard to the physical side.

For example, if you marry a beautiful woman, your children often inherit the same good looks she has. This can be a plus as your children may avoid being picked on in school. The downside to this is that your good-looking, popular kids might not be so kind to others. I, personally, have had to counsel my own son on several occasions to treat others kindly who may not be as well-liked as he is. An attractive wife may not be so kind to others, either. Plus, you will likely also have to deal with other men checking out your wife and viewing her as an object instead of the wonderful person she is if she is so beautiful.

On the flip-side, if you marry someone you aren’t attracted to physically, you may end up being the one with wandering eyes. If this were to happen, you could find yourself looking at other women and it could escalate to pornography or even adultery if you don’t watch yourself. If you engage in any of those habits, you are likely to hurt your wife deeper than you will ever know and lose not only her trust, but that of your children.

Personally, I married somebody I felt was way out of my league. Good looks, of course, weren’t the only reason I married my wife (she does make a mean fajita), but please understand marrying someone extremely attractive sometimes also includes a lot of other unexpected baggage. Not to say I didn’t bring any of my own personal baggage to the relationship, either. Probably all women are conscientious of their looks, so whether you are married to someone who’s beautiful or maybe even a little less so, they need to be told EVERYDAY that you love them and think they are attractive in YOUR eyes regardless what the world sees.

On a personal note, my wife also says she married her ideal man, even though I’m a pretty plain Jane-looking kind of guy. Maybe even a little less handsome than the average man. However, over and over again, she has asserted she was attracted to how I ACTED, not how I looked.

Plus, the funny thing is, over time you learn how to “cleave” to one another and become the center of each other’s lives. This is definitely a good thing and even though I felt my wife was the most beautiful woman in the world before and when we were married (every man should feel this about his wife), she grows more and more beautiful as we grow closer together. (Even the crazy hair horns she sports when she wakes up in the morning on occasion add to her uniqueness and beauty. And morning breath; bring it on!)

Over the course of my like, I have met people from all walks of life, some who have regrets, disorders, handicaps, missing limbs, scars, tattoos, etc. What I tend to find is that if you actually take the time to get to know the person in question, those differences gradually melt away and you see the person for who they are and not the mistakes they made, the accident they suffered, or the disability beyond their control.

Jesus said this:

“If ye were blind, ye should have no sin: but now ye say, We see; therefore your sin remaineth.”

My thought is somewhat out of context with the story in the Bible, but I take this also to mean that if we judge others based on their looks we are committing sin. Sometimes, it’s better to be “blind” to people’s physical appearance, because it’s their heart that matters. I have had to catch myself many times in my life and tell myself I am seeing or talking to my literal brother or sister in the great family of Heavenly Father.

Now I will never say that “looks don’t matter,” because they do to an extent. You might consider visiting a different temple if the grounds of the local one were unkept and overgrown, and the place looked like a ramshackle, abandoned castle. We also try to look our best when we go to church, as well. The key word here is “best.” If we have done the best “WE know how” (not somebody thinking they know better for us) to look our nicest, people should simply be grateful we tried. Besides, everyone is going to get old and die at some point. Beauty can also be taken away in a horrific instant.

Please watch this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHDvxPjsm8E

I have nothing but compliments for the husband who stuck by his wife through that terrible ordeal and continues to do so.

My last thought is that there needs to be a lot more love an understanding among members of our church then what we’re seeing right now. I have said this to people again and again over the years, but I think many of us are too self-centered that we are missing countless opportunities to help build people up and give them the same confidence we may enjoy ourselves. A truly happy person shines in their countenance and it eclipses their normal looks. Now if you are being a loving person, I commend you. If not, start working on it YESTERDAY.

As for your question if you should marry the girl or not, Mr. Earnest, pray about it. If the Spirit tells you she’s the one and you still can’t deal with her looks, it means you lack charity. You might want to then ask the Lord to bless you with the same love he has for His own children and an extra helping of it, too.

If the Lord couldn’t stomach my humble looks and all my faults, I’m sure he would have put me out of my misery years ago. But I’m still here, so that must count for something.

You are a wise, inspiring, motivating man. What you related to this man is true & he is already aware of her many wonderful, intrinsic, invaluable qualities BUT no matter how logical the argument it is doubtful, even in time, he will be able to overlook her physical appearance which HE finds unattractive. I see potential heartache, disaster & divorce in several areas if they were to marry. He clearly stated his feelings re her looks. I hope she runs the other way from him, does not look back ever & finds someone equal to her greatness. And he finds what he seeks.