Question
Gramps,
Should we make New Year’s resolutions, and how do we keep them?
Pam
Answer
Pam,
The swirl of a new year often brings with it the excitement of fresh starts, a blank calendar, and a determination to improve ourselves. We make lists—be healthier, read the scriptures more, strengthen relationships—hoping resolutions can spark lasting change. Yet, statistics are sobering: as many as 80 percent of resolutions are abandoned by mid-February. Why is lasting change so difficult, and what can make the difference between temporary enthusiasm and lifelong growth?
The universal experience of fizzling out on resolutions is neither new nor unique. Studies highlight that after only a month, one in three people will abandon their New Year’s goals, leaving many to wonder: “Why bother?” This discouragement is amplified by societal messages that demand nothing short of perfection, making failure seem unacceptable.
However, from a gospel perspective, the journey of self-improvement is less about instant perfection and more about steady, persistent effort. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teaches that becoming “perfect” is not about immediate flawlessness but about becoming “complete, finished, fully developed” over a lifetime. Even Christ advanced “grace by grace.” As such, failure is not only expected; it’s an essential part of learning. As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught: “No one has failed who keeps trying and praying.”
Instead of treating every missed day as the end, see it as an invitation to begin again. The real power is not in never falling, but in rising each time we do.
What can be done differently to actually follow through on our goals? While secular self-help gurus offer numerous methods, the principles of the gospel, taught by Church leaders, provide a practical, hopeful, and sustaining approach.
1. Start Small and Be Realistic
Grand ambitions are admirable, but the scriptures offer practical caution: “it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength” (Mosiah 4:27). In other words, lasting change should be realistic and incremental. Instead of aiming to radically overhaul your life, break big resolutions into small, manageable steps. This is echoed in behavioral science, which reveals that habits are best formed by starting with “tiny” actions—simple behaviors that are easy to repeat and gradually grow into larger patterns.
For instance, instead of pledging to “read my scriptures for an hour daily,” start by reading a single verse each morning after you brush your teeth. Connect new habits with existing routines—this “trigger” not only serves as a reminder, but it also wires the new habit into your daily flow.
2. Plan Strategically and Set Milestones
Many resolutions crumble because of vague intentions and a lack of specifics. Scripturally, we are taught to “count the cost” before beginning any large endeavor (Luke 14:28-30). Planning the “how”—anticipating obstacles and preparing remedies—dramatically increases your odds of success. Use methods such as SMART (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timely) or HARD (Heartfelt, Animated, Required, Difficult) goals to clarify what you want and how you’ll get there.
Milestones—short-term, measurable achievements—provide motivation and a sense of progress along the way. Instead of a massive, far-off goal, celebrate small wins. Not only does this approach maintain high motivation, but it also fosters self-confidence and momentum.
3. Report, Support, and Stay Accountable
A powerful key to keeping resolutions is reporting regularly to another person—such as a family member, friend, or even a Church leader. The principle of accountability, when combined with encouragement, dramatically boosts follow-through. Research indicates that children are more likely to achieve their goals when parents are engaged, and the same holds for adults when accountability is present.
Embrace the community—share your goals, and let others inspire you and hold you to your commitments. Making progress should not be a solitary journey.
4. Learn from Failure—Then Try Again
Inevitably, setbacks will come. The key is not in preventing every failure, but in learning from each stumble. The Savior’s atonement makes it possible not only to repent but to rise and recommit. As Elder Dale G. Renlund taught, “God cares a whole lot more about who we are and who we are becoming than about who we once were. He cares that we keep on trying.”
Forgiving yourself, adjusting your plans, and starting again—sometimes even daily—is the pattern the Lord expects you to follow. Forming a new habit can take more than two months; persistence—“Try Again Tomorrow”—is crucial.
5. Focus on Adding Good—Not Just Subtracting Bad
Many resolutions focus on stopping undesired behaviors, but the Savior taught to “fill the empty house” with good (see Matthew 12:43-45). Adding positive habits is generally easier and more lasting than simply removing bad ones. Rather than resolving to spend less time on social media, resolve to call a friend or study a scripture each evening. By focusing on the positives, you reinforce desired behaviors and gradually crowd out the negative ones.
Over the years, Church leaders, behavioral researchers, and everyday Latter-day Saints have practiced a variety of goal-setting systems. Here’s a blend of proven approaches:
SMART and HARD Goals
SMART: Set goals that are Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
HARD: Make goals Heartfelt, Animated (tied to your vision for the future), Required (outline steps), and Difficult (stretch your abilities).
Milestone and Quarterly Review
Instead of annual resolutions, set shorter-term milestones with regular reviews. Quarterly check-ins enable adjustments, prevent burnout, and keep progress tangible and measurable.
One Word” Focus
Choose a single word that embodies your main aspiration for the year—like “patience,” “service,” or “faith.” This simplifies focus and can help prevent “analysis paralysis” that comes with overwhelming goals.
Backward Planning
Start with your big goal, break it down into intermediate targets, and then list specific, actionable steps to achieve it. This makes even ambitious aspirations manageable.
Daily Tiny Habits
Borrowing from behavioral science, connect a tiny new action to an existing daily habit—e.g., after you finish dinner, record a thought in a gratitude journal. The simplicity of these “tiny habits” means you’re less likely to quit.
While many goals are health-related or academic, spiritual resolutions are equally vital. Here are a few gospel-centered ideas:
1. Start a Revelation Journal: Record spiritual impressions to grow in your capacity to receive revelation, as President Russell M. Nelson has encouraged.
2. Attend the Temple Regularly: Set a realistic schedule—monthly, quarterly, or annually, depending on circumstances.
3. Practice Gratitude: Make a habit of thanking God and others daily; “he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious.” (Doctrine & Covenants 78:19)
4. Daily Affirmation: Look in the mirror and remind yourself, “I am a beloved child of Heavenly Parents, with a divine nature and eternal destiny.”
5. Improve Ministering: Build genuine connections in your ministering assignments; get to know individuals’ needs and pray for guidance.
The Lord has also taught us to seek His guidance in our goals—pray for confirmation before undertaking major resolutions and rely on divine help when challenges arise.
Goal-setting is not just an adult activity; including children in this process increases their confidence and willingness to try. Encourage children to set their own meaningful goals with your guidance and support. Help them break ambitions into specific, doable steps and celebrate each milestone together. When the whole family is engaged, the process becomes joyful and mutually reinforcing.
Progress—not perfection—is what matters most. Focus on the growth you make, no matter how small. Motivation grows as you witness improvement, so structure goals to provide regular feedback. Even failures are opportunities to learn—and to teach resilience to those around you, especially children.
When you hit a slump, remember to start again with the gospel perspective: “just because we ‘fail’ once doesn’t mean we can’t try again, or that our goal is bad.” Habits are formed over time, and persistence is often the missing ingredient that separates failure from success.
So, as the year unfolds, don’t be discouraged by setbacks. Start small, keep trying, and ask the Lord to walk with you in your efforts. Try again tomorrow—because in the Lord’s eyes, you have not failed until you stop trying.
Gramps
