Question
Gramps,
How do I live the commandments without exception?
Neil
Answer
Neil,
Imagine walking through a grand buffet—your eyes are drawn to the dishes you like, skipping past those you’d rather avoid. It’s a relatable approach to food, but what happens when this mindset finds its way into our spiritual lives? In a world where personal preference often reigns supreme, it’s tempting to treat the commandments of God like a buffet, picking and choosing the convenient or comfortable, and leaving the rest aside. But is this compatible with the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?
The analogy of the gospel as a buffet is more than just a clever metaphor—it’s a real pitfall faced by many striving to live a Christ-centered life. Elder Neal A. Maxwell, reflecting on this very issue, once likened our relationship to living prophets to a buffet, saying,
“Our relationship to living prophets is not one in which their sayings are a smorgasbord from which we may take only that which pleases us. We are to partake of all that is placed before us, including the spinach, and to leave a clean plate!” [Things As They Really Are (Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Company, 1978), p. 74)
This challenge isn’t unique to any one period of church history. As Hugh Nibley points out, “If I keep only some of the Ten Commandments, I am not keeping the Ten Commandments; if I pay some of my tithing I am not paying tithing; if I keep the law of obedience, doing things God’s way, when I find it convenient, I am not keeping that law; a person who is chaste some of the time is not keeping the law of chastity…”. Nibley’s point is stark: partial obedience is, in effect, disobedience.
This “buffet” approach might arise from sincere struggles, misunderstandings, or simply from societal pressure to conflate God’s eternal laws with cultural trends. As modern morals drift from traditional standards, picking and choosing commandments can seem increasingly natural. But the Church offers a different, more challenging—and ultimately more rewarding—path.
Why does the Church teach that full obedience—not selective compliance—is vital? The answer is multi-layered and deeply rooted in love, purpose, and the nature of God’s commandments.
Elder Robert D. Hales described commandments as “loving instructions provided by God our Father for our physical and spiritual well-being and happiness.” Far from being arbitrary restrictions, each commandment is intended for human flourishing, safety, and growth. Hugh Nibley put it this way: “The legal aspects of the thing are not what counts…the law…must be written in your hearts…because you really love the Lord and his law, which begins and ends with the love of God and each other (Deuteronomy 6:5).” Thus, obedience is a matter of relationship as much as it is of duty.
While none are perfect, the ongoing effort to obey in all things is what brings the companionship of the Holy Ghost, strengthens faith, and unlocks divine blessings. If we want the companionship of the Holy Ghost, we must obey the commandments. Obedience also creates a spiritual “armor” that protects against the deceptions and temptations of the adversary. President Thomas S. Monson highlighted, “The knowledge which we seek, the answers for which we yearn, and the strength which we desire today…can be ours when we willingly obey the Lord’s commandments.”
Some may argue for “reasonable” exceptions. However, as the experience of Brother Clayton M. Christensen (related by President Monson) illustrated, carving out “just this once” exceptions quickly becomes a habit, eroding standards and weakening faith over time. It is simply easier—and spiritually safer—to live a standard 100% of the time than to manage, justify, or remember a growing list of exceptions. Any attempt to minimize a commandment’s scope nearly always leads to greater wavering.
No one, aside from the Savior himself, has ever achieved perfect commandment-keeping. The Church is keenly aware of this, offering a doctrine of hope that focuses on direction rather than mere perfection.
Samuel the prophet was taught, “For the LORD seeth not as man seeth…for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7). The Church emphasizes that God judges us by the intents of our hearts, not just outward compliance. If we “continually try to be as obedient to God’s word as possible,” and sincerely repent when we fall short, God’s grace through Christ’s Atonement covers our imperfections.
For instance, if one plans a sinful act but does not carry it out, the journey is not over—the Lord desires not only abstinence from sin but the removal of the very desire for it. The ultimate desire is to remove sin from one’s life…The good part is that the greater the challenge you face, the greater the rewards are for obedience.
The struggle to overcome sin is lifelong, but each small victory adds strength. No one is perfect; we all commit sin. However, the struggle to overcome sin and self should never cease. We progress from one small victory over self to another, and each victory gives us added strength. This incremental improvement, built on honest striving and regular repentance, is itself a great blessing and a witness that the Lord walks beside us.
The path to keeping commandments cannot always be rigidly mapped. Sometimes family, circumstance, or spiritual immaturity limit what an individual can accomplish. In such times, as Elder Bednar teaches, our “individual responsibility to learn truth, to love truth, and to live according to truth is increasingly important,” and “the Lord judges us with a perfect blend of compassion and expectation.”
For example, a youth unable to attend church or be baptized because of family opposition is not condemned—the Lord honors both their desires and their efforts.
Commandments take concrete shape in daily living, encompassing everything from media consumption to bodily autonomy. The Church’s standards—whether about Sabbath observance, diet, sexual morality, or even entertainment choices—are clear in principle, even when cultural norms shift dramatically.
The law of chastity is more than mere restriction; it is a means of strengthening self and connection with God.
The Word of Wisdom, though originally given “not by way of commandment” according to the revelation, is now a marker of faithfulness and identity, signifying one’s commitment to living prophets as well as to God Himself.
Entertainment choices are measured not by arbitrary lines, but by the effect they have on the spirit and on one’s sensitivity to spiritual things.
It is in making repeated, daily choices—often small and private—that devotion is forged. Making a commitment to him once will not be enough…We must recommit ourselves to living the gospel daily because there will be days when it may feel almost impossible.
Gramps
