Question
Gramps,
A little over a year ago, I lost my first child. His gestational age at the time of his death would put him in the “miscarriage” category–a baby that would not survive outside its mother’s womb. Had he died just a few weeks later, he would have been considered a “stillbirth”.
I am wondering why miscarriages aren’t included on family group records (see Sep 1987, Ensign). Along that same line, sometimes stillborn babies are given a name and a blessing. Why not miscarried children?
Hannah
Answer
Hannah,
The answer becomes clearer when we look at the difference between the Church’s older record-keeping practices and its current policy.
In the September 1987 Ensign, Val D. Greenwood addressed this exact question in an article titled “Can we put the names of our miscarried or stillborn children on our family group records?” At that time, Church policy was that stillborn children could be recorded on family group records, while miscarried children were not normally recorded there.
The distinction was related largely to how the Church historically classified miscarriage and stillbirth. A miscarriage generally referred to a pregnancy ending before the fetus was considered viable outside the mother’s womb. A stillbirth referred to a child who had developed further and was born without life.
Because a stillborn child had reached the point of birth, the Church permitted the family to record the child on family records. Parents could also give the child a name and, under the circumstances permitted by Church policy, have a naming and blessing performed.
That did not mean, however, that the Church considered a miscarried child less important or less loved by Heavenly Father.
In fact, the Church’s current policy makes that especially clear.
The current General Handbook has a specific section called 38.7.3, “Children Who Die before Birth (Stillborn and Miscarried Children).” It says:
“Parents who experience the death of an unborn child suffer grief and loss. Leaders, family members, and ministering brothers and sisters offer emotional and spiritual support.”
The Handbook then says:
“Parents may decide whether to hold memorial or graveside services.”
It also says:
“Parents may record information about the child in FamilySearch.org. Instructions are provided on the website.”
And then it addresses temple ordinances:
“Temple ordinances are not needed or performed for children who die before birth. This does not deny the possibility that these children may be part of the family in the eternities. Parents are encouraged to trust the Lord and seek His comfort.”
This is an important clarification because someone reading the 1987 Ensign today could easily assume that the old family group record policy is still the Church’s current policy. It isn’t.
The Church now specifically says that parents may record information about a child who dies before birth in FamilySearch. So a miscarriage does not mean parents are prohibited from preserving information about that child in their family history. There is also an important difference between recording a child and performing temple ordinances for a child.
The current Handbook says that temple ordinances are not needed or performed for children who die before birth. This applies to both miscarried and stillborn children. That might initially seem confusing. If the child can be remembered and recorded, why aren’t ordinances performed?
The Church has not revealed all of the details about the eternal status of children who die before birth. Rather than speculating, the Church has given us a simple principle: these children do not need temple ordinances, and parents are encouraged to trust the Lord.
And notice the wording the Church chose. It does not say that these children cannot be part of an eternal family. Instead, it specifically says that the policy “does not deny the possibility that these children may be part of the family in the eternities.” That is a significant statement.
The Church recognizes the grief experienced by parents and does not treat the loss as insignificant. The Handbook actually begins this section by acknowledging that parents “suffer grief and loss.” It then instructs leaders, family members, and ministering brothers and sisters to provide emotional and spiritual support.
This is also why a stillborn child could receive a name and blessing. A naming and blessing can provide an opportunity for parents and family members to acknowledge the child and express their love. It is not the same thing as performing a saving ordinance such as baptism or a temple sealing.
So why wasn’t the same practice traditionally applied to miscarried children?
The simplest answer is that the Church’s historical record-keeping policies made a distinction between miscarriage and stillbirth. The 1987 Ensign discussion reflects that older policy. The Church was attempting to establish guidelines for official family records while recognizing that there were unanswered questions about the circumstances surrounding unborn children.
But the important thing to remember is that a Church record is not what determines whether someone belongs to your eternal family.
A name appearing—or not appearing—on an old family group record does not determine God’s knowledge of that child. It does not determine the child’s worth. And it does not tell us whether that child can ultimately be part of the family in eternity.
The current Handbook deliberately leaves that possibility open.
The Church also allows parents today to record information about a miscarried or stillborn child in FamilySearch. A parent may therefore choose to preserve the child’s name, dates, and other information as part of the family’s history. A family may also choose to hold a memorial or graveside service.
For some parents, simply giving the child a name and remembering that child as part of their family can be meaningful. Other parents may find that a private remembrance is more appropriate. There isn’t necessarily one right way for every family to grieve.
Ultimately, there are some things about unborn children that the Lord has not completely revealed to us. We don’t know every detail about what happens to a child who dies before birth, and the Church does not claim to have all those answers.
What we do know is that Heavenly Father loves His children. We know that Jesus Christ’s Atonement and Resurrection are central to God’s plan. And we know that God is perfectly just and merciful.
Perhaps that is why the final counsel in the current Handbook is so important. After explaining that temple ordinances are not performed for children who die before birth, the Church simply says that this “does not deny the possibility that these children may be part of the family in the eternities” and encourages parents to “trust the Lord and seek His comfort.”
So, if someone has experienced a miscarriage and wonders, “Was that really my child?” there is no need to conclude that the absence of a name on an old family record means the child was somehow excluded from the family.
The Church’s current policy gives parents permission to remember and record the child, acknowledges the genuine grief involved, and leaves the eternal question in the hands of the Lord.
Sometimes faith means being willing to accept that we don’t have every answer yet. But we can still trust the character of the God who does have those answers. And according to current Church policy, there is nothing in the fact that a child died before birth that denies the possibility that this child may be part of the family in the eternities.
Gramps
