Question
Hello Gramps,
Sometimes I find myself judging people from the outside, based on their looks. I can also find myself doing this in dating. What do you think about this? How can I overcome this?
Anonymous
Answer
Anonymous,
Most of us have probably judged someone by their appearance without even realizing it. It happens almost automatically. We notice how someone dresses, their hairstyle, tattoos, age, weight, or facial expression, and within seconds, we’ve formed an opinion about who they are. The problem is that appearances rarely tell the whole story.
The good news is that this is something we can change. Through the gospel of Jesus Christ, we can learn to see people less the way the world sees them and more the way Heavenly Father does.
One of the most important truths taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is that every person is literally a son or daughter of God. Before someone is a stranger, a neighbor, a coworker, or even someone we disagree with, they are one of Heavenly Father’s children. That eternal perspective changes everything. When we remember that every person has divine worth, it becomes much harder to reduce them to nothing more than their outward appearance.
President Thomas S. Monson emphasized the divine worth of every individual when he taught:
“We are sons and daughters of a living God, in whose image we have been created.”
Remembering that simple truth helps us see people the way Heavenly Father sees them rather than through the lens of first impressions.
The Lord taught this lesson to the prophet Samuel when Samuel was sent to anoint a new king over Israel. As Samuel looked at Jesse’s sons, he naturally assumed that the oldest and strongest-looking son must be the Lord’s choice. But the Lord reminded him of something far more important:
“For the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)
That verse perfectly describes the difference between how we often see people and how God sees them. We tend to notice what is visible, while Heavenly Father sees the heart, the intentions, the struggles, and the eternal potential that no one else can fully see.
Jesus Christ demonstrated this principle throughout His earthly ministry. Time after time, He looked beyond outward appearances and saw individuals for who they truly were. He welcomed tax collectors whom others despised, spoke with Samaritans whom many Jews avoided, healed lepers whom society had rejected, and forgave people whose reputations seemed beyond repair. Where others saw labels, Jesus saw sons and daughters of God.
His example reminds us that every person has a story we know nothing about.
The person with tattoos may have experienced incredible hardships before finding peace. Someone who seems unfriendly may simply be carrying a heavy burden that no one else can see. A person who dresses differently may come from a different culture or financial situation. Someone who appears confident on the outside may be struggling with anxiety or loneliness on the inside.
When we remember that appearances rarely reveal someone’s whole story, it becomes easier to replace judgment with compassion.
President Dieter F. Uchtdorf gave memorable counsel on this very subject:
“This topic of judging others could actually be taught in just two words: Stop it!”
He went on to explain that disciples of Christ should replace judgment with mercy, forgiveness, and love, just as the Savior has done for each of us.
The scriptures repeatedly remind us of the value Heavenly Father places on each individual. The Lord declared:
“Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.” (Doctrine and Covenants 18:10)
That statement isn’t limited to people who look like us, think like us, or live like us. Every soul has infinite worth because every soul is loved by God.
President Marion G. Romney expanded on this doctrine when he taught:
“Such is the worth of a soul. Surely it ‘is great in the sight of God.’ They should be of like value in the sight of men.”
Seeing others through that eternal perspective naturally changes how we treat them.
King Benjamin taught a similar principle when he warned against judging those who are poor or in need. Rather than assuming people deserve whatever difficulties they face, he encouraged his people to show mercy and compassion (see Mosiah 4:16–22). His counsel reaches far beyond caring for the poor. It reminds us to be careful when making assumptions based on what we see on the surface. The truth is that our first impressions are often incomplete—and sometimes completely wrong.
One of the best ways to overcome judging others is to be curious rather than critical. Rather than immediately deciding what someone’s appearance says about them, pause and remember that you don’t know their life story. Ask yourself what experiences may have shaped them or what challenges they might be facing. Simply replacing assumptions with curiosity can soften our hearts and help us see people more as individuals than stereotypes.
Prayer can also play a powerful role in changing the way we see others. If you find yourself overly critical, sincerely ask Heavenly Father to help you see people as He sees them. The Holy Ghost has a remarkable ability to replace judgment with compassion and criticism with charity. Over time, those prayers can gradually reshape the way you naturally respond to people.
It also helps to remember how much grace we hope others will extend to us. None of us wants to be defined by our appearance, our worst mistake, or someone else’s first impression. We hope people will take the time to know us before deciding who we are.
Jesus gave this important counsel:
“Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” (John 7:24)
His words remind us that appearances alone never give us enough information to accurately understand another person.
As disciples of Christ, we’re invited to treat people the way we hope to be treated ourselves. Instead of focusing on what we can see on the outside, we can choose to recognize the divine nature within every individual.
Moroni taught:
“Charity is the pure love of Christ.” (Moroni 7:47)
As we develop Christlike charity, outward appearances naturally become less important. Instead, we begin noticing qualities that truly matter—faith, kindness, humility, honesty, and goodness. Charity changes not only the way we treat people but also the way we see them.
Overcoming the habit of judging people by their looks probably won’t happen overnight. Most of us will have opportunities throughout our lives to recognize our own assumptions and replace them with greater understanding. But each time we choose compassion over criticism and charity over quick judgments, we become a little more like the Savior.
President Thomas S. Monson once counseled:
“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.”
That principle applies beautifully here. People are never simply appearances. Every person we meet is an eternal son or daughter of God with hopes, fears, struggles, and limitless potential.
The next time you meet someone, remember that Heavenly Father already knows everything about them. He knows their past, their present, their struggles, and their future potential—and He loves them perfectly. As we strive to see others through His eyes instead of our own, we’ll find ourselves judging less, loving more, and becoming the kind of disciples Jesus Christ invites us to be.
Gramps
