How do I ask my very staunch Catholic, born again Baptists, and non believer relatives for permission to do temple work? Can I take cousin Billy’s name to the temple? Can I baptize your dead dad to be a Mormon? Your family needs to be sealed and I’ll do it? Without these ordinances Aunt Ruth will not go to heaven? Most members just do it without asking, but that permission box requires honestly. My bishop and temple president couldn’t offer suggestions. Any ideas on how to ask permission?
How about, “Can I do Aunt Ruth’s temple work?” When they ask what that is, tell them it is baptism and some other similar covenants. If needed, you can assure them that you’re not “making” Aunt Ruth a Mormon, but merely providing her with the option of accepting something if she wants it. They may say no. If so, then Aunt Ruth will just have to wait. But they may say yes, in which case you’re golden.
Some of the things you say seem to indicate misapprehensions (or cynicism) on your part. I would urge you to rethink those aspects. Also, in my experience, it is untrue that “most members just do [temple ordinances] without asking [permission of the next-of-kin].” But in any case, I think you are right to be honest in this and procure such permission before doing the ordinances.