Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Dear Gramps,

I have been married for 20 years in the temple and have 4 children. I have struggled with my husband who will not get a job, is grumpy and lazy.  I have been to sole provider of our home and am resentful.  I have stayed married because of my covenants but for my entire marriage I have been regretful. When I stopped working we lost everything and my husband still made no attempt to get a job, so I went back to work.  My resent is turning to hatred because I feel stuck in a temple marriage with a man who is “nice” but wont take responsibility for his family. Will things change for us in the next life?


Dear Anonymous,

I would encourage you to read an article I wrote previously that has been posted here. Many of the things stated in this article apply to your situation as well.

Each of us needs to remember that in order for our sealing(Temple Marriage) to be binding it must be sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise.  The Lord explained this in D&C 132:  7 “… All covenants, contracts, bonds, obligations, oaths, vows, performances, connections, associations, or expectations, that are not made and entered into and sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, …are of no efficacy, virtue, or force in and after the resurrection from the dead; for all contracts that are not made unto this end have an end when men are dead.”

Only those who are worthy of being exalted in the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom will receive this great promise.  Each of us will be judged based solely on our own worthiness and not the worthiness of someone else, including our spouse.  Elder Dallin Oaks gave an excellent talk on the subject of Divorce in his April 2007 Conference address.  He stated:  “Personal circumstances vary greatly. We cannot control and we are not responsible for the choices of others, even when they impact us so painfully.

In this same talk, Elder Oaks gave the following message of comfort:  “Whatever the outcome and no matter how difficult your experiences, you have the promise that you will not be denied the blessings of eternal family relationships if you love the Lord, keep His commandments, and just do the best you can.”

I would strongly encourage you seek counsel from your Bishop concerning your husband and your relationship.  The Bishop has a very sacred calling and is entitled to inspiration from the Lord to help each member of his ward.  We must to do everything we can to preserve and strengthen our marriages.  When we go before the judgment seat we will want to be able to tell the Lord that we did all that we could possibly do to keep the covenants we made with Him and our spouses.


Copyright © 2022 Ask Gramps - Q and A about Mormon Doctrine. All Rights Reserved.
This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. The views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. For the official Church websites, please visit or

Pin It on Pinterest