Recently I’ve been struggling a lot with fears and having faith. I just don’t feel I can get what The Lord has promised me in my patriarchal blessing and other things. I’m scared God doesn’t really love me and won’t help me become who he envisioned me to be and get the things I’ve been promised. How do I learn to trust God and let him help me? How do learn to not listen and believe the lies Satan is telling me? How do I come to find out if The Lord loves me and help me?
For a few years now, President Eyring has encouraged us to receive from the Holy Ghost feelings and impressions that will strengthen our discipleship of the Jesus Christ. I am impressed with a story he shared about his visit to Jerusalem where he visited one of the traditional sites of the Lord’s Resurrection. There in the tomb, the Spirit led him to reflect on Mary’s witness of the resurrected Jesus. Following this experience, President Eyring has prayed for a special revelation. He is not interested in knowledge – or at least not the intellectual variety that impresses academics – no, he has prayed for something more experiential. “I have prayed to be allowed to feel something of what Mary felt at the tomb and what two other disciples felt on the road to Emmaus as they walked with the resurrected Savior”. He has prayed to feel the joy discovering Christ afresh.
On another occasion, President Eyring shared a story of a brief rift in an important relationship. “I remember once a seven- or eight-year-old son of ours jumping on his bed hard enough that I thought it might break. I felt a flash of frustration, and I moved quickly to set my house in order. I grabbed my son by his little shoulders and lifted him up to where our eyes met.” He was frustrated, but still left himself open to hearing the still small voice.
The Spirit put words into my mind. It seemed a quiet voice, but it pierced to my heart: “You are holding a great person.” I gently set him back on the bed and apologized.
Now he has become the great man the Holy Ghost let me see 40 years ago. I am eternally grateful that the Lord rescued me from my unkind feelings by sending the Holy Ghost to let me see a child of God as He saw him.
Your patriarch has received a revelation from the Holy Ghost about who you really are. He has promised you, in the name of the Lord, tremendous gifts and generous blessings. If you do not see yourself that way, follow the example of President Eyring and pray “to be allowed to feel something of what” your patriarch experienced when he gave you that blessing. Pray to feel something of the value your Heavenly Father sees in you, and the love He has for you.
Sometimes it feels prideful to acknowledge our gifts. We try hard to avoid the very appearance of that universal sin, but in so doing may risk offending God. Remember Jesus unironically confessed Himself to be meek and lowly of heart. He stayed meek while admitting to meekness by 1) being truthful and wholly honest in who He was and His blessings, and 2) gave God the glory. As a real life example, Joseph was blessed with the spiritual gift of dream interpretation. When Joseph’s fellow-inmates had dreams in need of interpreting Joseph did not hide behind false modesty. “Do not interpretations belong to God?” he asked them. “Tell me them, I pray you” and he interpreted. Later he is called before Pharaoh who boasts on his behalf, “I have heard say of thee, that thou canst understand a dream to interpret it.” Had Joseph denied his gift he would have denied Egypt (and his own family) temporal salvation in the years ahead. Instead he acknowledges the blessing and gives God the glory. “And Joseph answered Pharaoh, saying, It is not in me: God shall give Pharaoh an answer of peace.”
It takes a tremendous amount of ingratitude to deny a gift generously given. That is not humility.
Instead you should follow President Eyring’s example. He saw a child who caused frustration and put his house in disorder. God showed him a great person of eternal worth and it led to a mending of the relationship. When you see yourself as someone undeserving of the blessings the Lord has promised (and in some cases already given) you are looking through fractured lenses. You need to see yourself as God sees you. Pray for that. And while you’re praying, express gratitude for how much God has invested in you (it’s because of His great love for you) and the partnership with Him that has given you the spiritual growth you’ve already received.