I am trying so hard not to hold a grudge. What can I do?

Question

Hi Gramps!

I have been struggling greatly with not holding a grudge against someone I know. She used to have feelings for my fiance while we were dating, and what it really boils down to is that I feel insecure about that, and I think that she is a lot better than me. I have been trying to let this go for a very long time, but nothing seems to work. I really don’t want to be upset about this anymore, nor do I want to harbor negative feelings. What should I do?

Michelle

Answer

Dear Michelle,

Take heart my sister, you are already on the right track. By acknowledging that you are struggling with a particular flaw, it makes it much easier to work on it. Those who are unaware of their own flaws and sins are in a much, much worse place than those of us who look inward, see our faults, and honestly try to work on them. In fact, I go a step further. Many of us look inward, say we are sinners who have flaws-and stop right there. We give lip service to our own faults but have no real intention to fix them. You Michelle, need to give yourself credit.

Like you perfectly mentioned, your anger towards her is based in insecurity. At one point in your lives she had feelings for your fiancee and for obvious reasons, that does bring up feelings of insecurity and anger. Again Michelle, you are headed in the right direction because not only do you see that your anger and grudges can be a problem, but you seem to know why you struggle with those feelings.

Our former prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley, brilliantly said,

“Grudges if let to fester can become serious maladies. Like a painful ailment they can absorb all of our time and our attention.” (October 2007 General Conference).

He was right, like he almost always was. His warning to us was to avoid carrying grudges because they can create massive problems for us down the road. One of the many problems with carrying grudges is that it can affect you more than the person you are holding it against. After all, they don’t have to live with the hate and negative feelings-you do.

Michelle I truly wish there was a red pill we could take that would get rid of all our sins and weaknesses. There is not. Like all faults, holding grudges is not an easy one to “let go of”. It takes time, prayer, and often times it’s something that will come up again and again in your life. Like I have mentioned before, you seem to be on the right track and are doing everything right. Keep praying, keep fighting against your nature, and I’m sure things will turn out fine.

Gramps