Will I be stuck with my ex husband forever?

Will I be stuck with my ex husband forever?

Question

Gramps,

Unfortunately I am in a situation I never wanted. I was sealed in the temple but am now divorced. I have 2 young children. What is the church’ stance on having the sealing revoked?  I have heard it can only be done if you want to remarry? Will it void my sealing to my children? My ex husband did not respect me and did many things wrong in our marriage, if the sealing cannot be revoked will I really be stuck with him forever?

BillyBob

 

Answer

Dear BillyBob,

Have faith that the Lord knows what He is doing and that He will take care of everything we cannot.

In order for your fear to come true, something very important has to happen.  You both have to make it to the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom.  Anything less then that and it simply is not going to be an issue.

Think of the level of repentance and change that would have to happen in both your hearts for both of you to get there. Hopefully you are working toward that with all diligence no matter what your ex or anyone else does.

As you continue to work on your own progress you will find that the Lord will open up doors you never imagined.  And should you progress all the way to the Celestial Kingdom, when that day comes for you to gain Celestial glory, whomever it is at your side will be perfectly acceptable to you, because he too will have overcome all to be there.

As for your sealing to your kids, that would not be affected by any action the Church might make to revoke the sealing between you and your ex.

 

Gramps

Temple Marriage

Temple Marriage

I have never been sealed to a woman and the woman I wish to marry is already sealed and does not wish to cancel the sealing for fear of breaking her sealing to her children. I read the 1975 New Era Q&A about this. I want to know if I am not sealed in this life will I only be an angel?

Timothy (more…)

Help through the Savior

Help through the Savior

Dear Gramps,

Six years ago I lost my family through divorce (through no fault of my own (my mother-in-law caused it). We had not been sealed in the temple yet. We have had no contact in all this time. I love and miss them so much that I cannot stand to live my life. I have been in hell all this time. How is it that the Savior can heal my pain? How can He make things right? Simply asking for help doesn’t seem to work. Please give me specifics, because I so desperately need relief.

Rob (more…)

Forgiving

Forgiving

I’ve been married to my husband for 5 years. He has repeatedly cheated and how I know this is from going to the doctor and receiving upsetting news. I have prayed and fasted many, many times. I really want to leave the situation but know that I don’t ever want to give up on somebody. I feel like I have been given signs, but I also have felt strong spiritual witness that I need to forgive him and continue on. We fight everyday and I can forgive him, but do not want to continue to be hurt by him. I try to use the D&C 9:7-9 approach and still I am confused. My Bishop also does not know what is keeping me in the relationship. Any insight would be helpful.

Ruth (more…)

Is it okay to date while I’m separated?

Is it okay to date while I’m separated?

Question

Gramps,

I have been separated now for 21 months. Would it be ok for me to start seeing other women?

Charlie

 

Answer

Charlie,

If you are not legally divorced, then no it is not okay. According to some state laws, the divorce must be submitted for a period of time before it is official. Even then some states require a period of time before another marriage license can be issued. It can vary from a month or two to almost a year.

 
If you are not legally divorced, but only separated,then in the eyes of the church, you are still very much married, and are required to maintain fidelity. Thus dating while separated is not acceptable. Separation is a time given for couples to work out differences on their own without ending the marriage. I would encourage you to make every serious effort to do so. If divorce seems the only resolution, then complete the required steps to obtain the divorce before you start dating again.

 

Gramps

Should I divorce my wife because she can’t forget and fails to forgive?

Should I divorce my wife because she can’t forget and fails to forgive?

Question

Gramps,

Is it okay to divorce a woman who does not understand my transgressions of infidelity in our marriage?  We are told to forgive and forget. At what point should she get over it?  If we really understand how the atonement works for us in our lives, shouldn’t she just be able to move on?

cperkins

 

Answer

Dear Cperkins,

This is one of those tricky situations where we often see the mote in our brother’s eye and miss the beam in our own. In this case, we have two major issues besides the infidelity:

Your wife seems unable to understand your need for forgiveness in this transgression.

You seem unable to understand your wife’s needs in dealing with your transgression.

In order for divorce to not be the end road, someone is going to have to make the first move. Since you’re the one asking the question, and you are only able to control what you do, you will have to be the one to take the first step.

I would recommend first reading ‘The Miracle of Forgiveness’.

The next thing I would recommend is reading what President McKay has said regarding infidelity:

A man who has entered into a sacred covenant in the house of the Lord to remain true to the marriage vow is a traitor to the covenant if he separates himself from his wife and family just because he has permitted himself to become infatuated with the pretty face and comely form of some young girl who flattered him with a smile. Even though a loose interpretation of the law of the land would grant such a man a bill of divorcement, I think he is unworthy of a recommend to have his second marriage performed in the temple. (Gospel Ideals, p. 473.)

How do you feel when you read that? If the answer is that you feel angry, or defiant, or self-pitying then you will have to work on your own repentance and cannot expect forgiveness when you haven’t repented yourself.

If you feel Godly sorrow and are determined to repent then you have to make amends for what you have done. In this case, you must give an outpouring of love and patience. Help your wife work through her feelings of betrayal. Be there for her. Do not try to force her to come to terms with her feelings. That is a road that leads only to ruined expectations. Instead, do what you can to show her the love that you had denied her.

You are loved, even when you made mistakes. Know this. If you have confessed to the bishop and are now eligible to enter the temple, go as often as you can. If you cannot attend the temple, work to be eligible. This will help guide you in revelation on how best to serve your wife and help her through this difficult time.

Gramps

Callings after Divorce

Callings after Divorce

I get the feeling like I’m looked at in a totally different light since I separated from my abusive wife and divorced her over a year ago. I have lost all the callings I once held and haven’t been called to anything since. I can no longer be an ordinance worker in the temple. I am looked at by members with an “evil eye”. I get the feeling like people think that because I’m the man, I should have been able to have some backbone and stay in this awful relationship despite what happened to me. And a lot of people have told me they know of no stake president, no mission president, no temple president, and especially no general authority who has ever gone through a divorce. Have I become less important in the Lord’s kingdom as a result of my divorce???

Jonathan (more…)

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