Question
Gramps,
As a faithful disciple of Jesus Christ and a covenant member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, how should I navigate the tension between preserving family relationships and remaining true to revealed doctrine when deciding whether to attend my brother’s same-sex wedding?
Jericho
Answer
Jericho,
As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we sometimes face situations where two righteous desires seem to pull us in different directions. We want to remain faithful to Jesus Christ and His restored gospel, while also showing genuine love to family members whose choices differ from our beliefs. One question that occasionally arises is whether to attend the same-sex wedding of a close family member, such as a brother or sister.
This is not a question with a one-size-fits-all answer. The Church has not established a policy that requires members to attend or not attend a same-sex wedding. Instead, faithful members are encouraged to seek personal revelation, carefully consider gospel principles, and make a decision they can feel at peace about before the Lord.
The first principle to remember is that discipleship begins with Jesus Christ. When we made sacred covenants at baptism and in the temple, we promised to follow Him above all else. Our loyalty to the Savior and His teachings is the foundation of every decision we make.
The Church continues to teach that marriage between one man and one woman is God’s eternal pattern. The Family: A Proclamation to the World states:
“Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and…the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”
That doctrine has not changed. President Russell M. Nelson has repeatedly taught that revealed doctrine comes from God and cannot be altered by changing cultural views. As disciples, we strive to sustain what the Lord has revealed, even when it is unpopular or difficult.
At the same time, the Savior consistently demonstrated remarkable love and compassion toward every person He encountered. He associated with people from every background while never compromising the truth. His perfect example teaches us that love and conviction are not opposites. We do not have to abandon one to practice the other.
President Dallin H. Oaks has emphasized this balance many times. He taught:
“We should love all people, be good listeners, and show concern for their sincere beliefs. Though we may disagree, we should not be disagreeable.” (Loving Others and Living With Differences)
That counsel applies beautifully to family relationships. A brother or sister should never wonder whether they are loved simply because we hold different beliefs.
So how does that apply to attending a same-sex wedding?
The Church leaves this decision to the individual member. Attending a wedding is not the same as changing your personal beliefs or rejecting Church doctrine. Likewise, choosing not to attend does not automatically mean you are unloving or judgmental. Faithful Latter-day Saints have prayerfully reached different conclusions in similar situations.
For some members, attending is an expression of love for a family member rather than an endorsement of every aspect of the ceremony. They may feel impressed by the Holy Ghost to maintain the relationship, so they can continue to be a positive influence in their loved one’s life. They may feel that Christ would have them be present to demonstrate kindness while remaining clear about their own beliefs.
Others may sincerely feel that attending would communicate support for something that conflicts with revealed doctrine. After thoughtful prayer, they may conclude that they should lovingly decline the invitation while expressing their deep affection in other ways. They may visit before or after the wedding, send a thoughtful gift, write a heartfelt letter, or continue strengthening the relationship in meaningful ways.
Neither approach should be judged lightly. What matters is whether the decision is made prayerfully, honestly, and with a sincere desire to follow Jesus Christ.
The General Handbook offers helpful principles about interacting with others. It teaches:
The Church encourages families and members to reach out with sensitivity, love, and respect to persons who are attracted to others of the same sex.
It also affirms that the Church’s doctrinal position on marriage remains unchanged.
That combination is important. Love is not conditional upon agreement, and disagreement does not excuse us from showing Christlike love.
When making this decision, it may help to ask yourself a few sincere questions in prayer.
- Can I attend while remaining completely faithful to my covenants and testimony of the doctrine of eternal marriage?
- Would my attendance strengthen my relationship with my brother in a Christlike way?
- Would attending leave me feeling at peace before the Lord, or would it trouble my conscience?
- If I choose not to attend, how can I clearly communicate that my decision comes from devotion to God rather than rejection of my brother?
Asking questions like these invites the Holy Ghost into the decision-making process.
James taught:
“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God.” (James 1:5)
President Russell M. Nelson has repeatedly encouraged members to seek personal revelation for important decisions. He said:
“Nothing opens the heavens quite like the combination of increased purity, exact obedience, earnest seeking, daily feasting on the words of Christ… and regular time committed to temple and family history work.” (Revelation for the Church, Revelation for Our Lives)
While that counsel is broad, it reminds us that significant personal decisions should be taken to the Lord rather than decided solely by emotion or social pressure.
It’s also wise to avoid making a decision based on fear. Some fear that attending means abandoning doctrine. Others fear that declining will permanently destroy the family relationship. Neither outcome is inevitable. Honest conversations filled with kindness and respect often preserve relationships far better than assumptions or silence.
If your brother knows that your love for him has never changed, even if your beliefs have not, that can become a powerful witness to Christian discipleship.
Ultimately, this decision is deeply personal. The restored gospel provides doctrine but also teaches the importance of individual revelation. The Lord knows your family, your relationship with your brother, your heart, and your circumstances; no one else fully understands.
As covenant disciples of Jesus Christ, we should never compromise revealed doctrine. At the same time, we should never stop loving people the way the Savior loves them. Those two principles are not enemies—they are companions. The challenge is learning, through the guidance of the Holy Ghost, how to honor both in our individual circumstances.
If we sincerely seek the Lord’s will, study His word, counsel with trusted priesthood leaders if needed, and act in faith, we can move forward with confidence. Whether we ultimately attend or respectfully decline, our goal should always be the same: to remain true to Jesus Christ while extending genuine love, respect, and compassion to every member of our family.
Gramps
