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Hi Gramps

Two years ago I married someone who didn’t “fit” my patriarchal blessing and I have had a sinking feeling now that it was wrong. I now realize that I shaped my blessing into what I wanted it to say at the time. This person is a good person. My question is this: in the eyes of the church, and the Godhead as well, should I stick it out and try to make this work or should I stop before more damage is done and try to get on the right path?

If I pray about it will Heavenly Father “alter” what should have been and make the path I’ve chosen into a desirable and righteous one? Is there only one optimal path that we can take, or are there several? If we don’t follow our patriarchal blessing as we should will it destroy our chances for “going back” and making it right? I’m confused and so disappointed in myself. Thank you.

Chris, from California

Dear Chris,

We need to talk! Several issues- patriarchal blessings, the marriage covenant, changing the past, intervention of the Father, to name a few.

First, the patriarchal blessing: It’s impossible to comment on your concern over your patriarchal blessing without knowing the specifics of that which you refer to. However, we shouldn’t try to make too narrow of an interpretation of the meanings that we associate with our blessings. We could be making assumptions that are invalid in themselves.

When you were married you made certain vows and commitments of fidelity and responsibility. Violating those commitments in order to “make things right” would only compound any wrong that may have been done. You are under an obligation to the Lord to make the best of your situation, not to undo it and try again. What you have said here shows that you are primarily concerned and occupied with your own happiness rather than with the welfare and happiness of your spouse. That type of a selfish attitude has within it the seeds of destruction of any marriage. Let me tell you a secret about the success of the marriage relation- If you try to ensure your own happiness and well being, you will not only fail, but you will bring unhappiness to you companion and discord in your marriage. If you can forget about yourself, or if you can sublimate your own desires to procuring at any cost the welfare and happiness of your companion, what you attempt to do for her will be reflected back to you. Self interest is one of the great deterrents to a successful marriage.

You married a “good person,” but somehow think that it must have been the wrong person. The thing is, that what was done is done. You cannot alter the past, but you can alter the evaluation of the past by the Eternal Judge of all. If you change your course to one that you know will be pleasing to our Heavenly Father, and rid yourself of those characteristics of which you are not proud and which you wish had not happened, it will be in the eyes of God as though they had not happened. This is called repentance and forgiveness.

Don’t expect the Father to make everything right for you, whether you pray about it or not. We are in command of our own lives, responsible and accountable for our own actions. If we determine to take a right course, our Father in Heaven will bless us in our activities and abilities, but they will be OUR activities and OUR abilities. Someone said that we must pray as though everything depended on the Lord, and then act as though everything depended on ourselves.

My advise- Accept the past, stay the course, keep all the commandments, love your wife, honor her and bless her, make it your life’s work to concern yourself with the welfare and happiness of others, and the more it costs you the greater will be the value of it.


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