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Hi Gramps;

So, I’m gay.  I’m not attracted to women at all.  I am not going to get married to someone that I have NO attraction to, just to ruin her life also; it seems cruel for me to do so.  It’s also natural for us to pair off.  I don’t want to break God’s laws, but is it fair that I have to live my whole life lonely and with no one?  How am I able to feel happy, wholesome, and loved?




Dear John,

I am so sorry you have this challenge to deal with in life.  I believe that Christ can and will take all of our sorrows, all of our pain, and turn it into joy and peace in the next life.  I believe that whatever we have experienced here, we will say, “It was all worth it.”  I believe that with all my heart.  I believe that for you too.

I believe, from the way you worded your question that you understand the direction our Leaders have given us on this matter. I would like to clarify for other readers. Being gay is not a sin. However, acting on those feelings is. For more information on this I recommend the site

I believe that you want to keep the commandments, but are looking ahead at 60 more years of celibacy (more or less) and feeling despair about how you can do it.  I don’t think that as a heterosexual, I am the best person to try and answer that question. I try to listen and understand when friends talk to me about their experiences with being gay and Mormon, but I can’t truly know what it is like.  I think that it would be more helpful for you to talk to others who are experiencing the same challenges.  Perhaps one of them will have some answers that will give you guidance, and hope.

Just a couple days ago, a friend who is a student at BYU-I, shared with me a video she had seen for one of her classes.  I was very touched by it and felt strongly that I needed to share it with someone, but I wasn’t sure who.  The next day I read your email.  The main thing I hope you will get from this video, John, is that the Lord loves you, and you are not alone.



John, never forget that it is the Lord who asked this of you, so go to Him. Pour out your heart…yes, even your anger. In any other relationship would you hide your anger? No, relationships are strengthened by honest communication. There may be times when you need to take one day at a time. Do that. Just focus on today. If you need to, take one hour at a time, but hold to the Iron Rod, and I promise you will someday say, “It was worth it.”

To close, I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes that has strengthened me over the years:

“Into each of our lives come golden moments of adversity. This painful friend breaks our hearts, drops us to our knees, and makes us realize we are nothing without our Lord and Savior. This friend makes us plead all the night long for reassurance and into the next day and sometimes for weeks and months. But, ultimately, just as surely as the day follows the night, as we remain true and faithful, this strange friend, adversity, leads us straight into the outstretched arms of the Savior.”  Glenn L. Pace, Spiritual Revival, Conference October 1992.






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