I need your help and I haven’t been to church in years. First, let me say that I’m very sorry that I feel this way but I’m very angry and bitter with Heavenly Father. I’m a homosexual. I didn’t ask for these feelings, yet I feel like I’ve been cursed and condemned without any say in the matter. I feel like Heavenly Father allowed me to be this way and at the same time condemned me to a life of loneliness and misery. I don’t know what to do.
Thank you for your question and for your honesty.
I remember, when I was young, I had a bishop who was teaching my class one Sunday. During this class, he was talking about the importance of prayer. He told me and my class that establishing consistent honest communication with Heavenly Father is just about the most important thing you can do in this life. He then said something that surprised me – he said, if we ever find ourselves angry with Heavenly Father, we should pray and honestly say, “Heavenly Father, I am mad at you” and just sincerely communicate with Heavenly Father as to how we feel. He advised us to just keep the lines of communication open, be sincere, and be willing to listen to what Heavenly Father may communicate in return.
The fact of the matter is, spirituality begins with prayer. It is through prayer that we can receive guidance and understanding from a Heavenly Father who really is all-wise and all-loving. It is through prayer that we can get the strength to do the things we need to do and get to where we need to go. Most importantly, it is through prayer that we can develop an understanding and closeness to Heavenly Father that will enrich our entire lives. See Handbook for Families, Teaching Children about Prayer.
Now that I am an old man, I see the wisdom in my bishop’s advice. The truth is, I honestly don’t understand why Heavenly Father allows some things to go on in this world. However, I know He loves us very much, so much that He “gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16. I also know that, through prayer, we can develop a certain closeness with Heavenly Father. Even though I still do not understand everything about how Heavenly Father works, through prayer I have developed a trust and faith in Him. More importantly, I have found a soothing inner peace that enables me to confront the challenges I face as part of this life.
I offer you the same advice my bishop offered me all those years ago: just go to Heavenly Father, in prayer, today. Kneel down and sincerely pour your heart out to Him. Be just as honest as you were in your inquiry about your feelings and your frustrations. Just intently pray and be willing to listen back. I promise you, if you keep on doing this regularly and seeking out Heavenly Father, you will come to a better understanding and relationship with Him, and you will find peace with Him. You will come to a knowledge that He really does love us very much and He really does care for us; this is the most comforting knowledge you can ever obtain. Be willing to listen and let Him guide you from there.
Thank you again for your question and your honesty.