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Dear Gramps,

My husband and I were talking to my in laws, and they told my husband it wasn’t appropriate for him to be talking to his friends who are girls that are married. That he is not supposed to text or call or email them. They said it can open doors to things that we can’t see and can lead to being unfaithful. . Yet, my husband can’t let it go. He doesn’t want to tell his friends who are girls ” Okay, I am married now, I can’t talk to you ever again ” His parents say that apostles and prophets have warned us not to. What do you think? Is it okay? Is it not okay? Are there limits? We are very confused!

Amanda

 

Answer

Dear Amanda,

My first question would be why would he want to talk with them and what about?  Both of you need to turn your attention to each other and none else.

When Adam and Eve were created and married by the Lord, He gave the following marital advice, found in Genesis 2: 24,

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

The Lord expanded this commandment in a revelation given to Joseph Smith in 1831 found in D&C 42: 22,

“Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else”.

The following comes from and article in the Ensign April 2005,

“This is the only place in scripture where the Lord asks us to love anything or anyone with all our hearts besides Himself. This scripture augments our understanding of cleaving. It is apparent that cleaving is empowered by genuine love. President Hinckley has taught on several occasions that one’s spouse should be treated in special regard. He said that a husband should regard his wife “as the greatest treasure of his life.”

The principle of cleaving requires loving a spouse with “all” our heart. “And, when the Lord says all thy heart,” President Kimball taught, “it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving.” Obviously, if our whole heart is “joined” or “glued” to our spouse, we cannot share our treasured feelings with another. In this spirit, President Ezra Taft Benson (1899–1994) warned to “avoid flirtations of any kind.”  Sharing our hearts, even in the smallest degree, violates the command of loving a spouse with all our heart.

The Lord also emphasized that couples must cleave unto their spouse and “none else.” In an effort to help the Saints understand what “none else” means, President Kimball taught: “The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes pre-eminent in the life of the husband or wife and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.”

While some may feel this perspective is excessive, unrealistic, or doesn’t really apply to their type of relationship, the point is, it does apply to the form of marriage ordained by God. Cleaving is about making choices that reflect our priorities. Without appropriately leaving and appropriately cleaving, a couple can never expect to fully become one.”

We have been counseled to avoid even the mere appearance of evil.  I am not indicating that any of your husbands female friends are evil, but it is difficult enough to keep our standards and keep the covenants we have made without taking unecessary risks.  It has been my experience that seldom do members of the Church intend to be unfaithful to their spouse, but they allow themselves to get into situations that get out of hand and before they know it actions have occurred that they did not want to have happen or plan to have happen.

As stated above, we need to cleave or stick to our wives and noone else. This is how a happy marriage is strengthened.

 

Gramps

 

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