Question
Dear Gramps,
I’m 24 years old. I’ve gone on dates, met great men but I have not felt in my heart a desire to go any further other then just being friends. I don’t feel attracted to the men that ask me out on dates. I’m not a picky person. I’m looking for someone that I can feel a connection with. I have a specific type of men that I like and I was wondering if it would be wrong to pray about finding a man who is my type?
Cassiopeia
Answer
Cassiopeia,
I’ll have to say that I’m often loathe to give relationship advice because so much of it is detail specific which we simply can’t relay over the internet in a quick Q & A. And a lot of it is not really gospel centered, but emotionally centered. But every once in a while I feel I can give general advice that is pretty universal and is somewhat based on gospel principles. And yours is one of those cases. So here are some rules.
1. Consider the standards you’re setting for yourself and for a potential husband. Are they the standards of the Lord? (law of chastity, honors his priesthood, kind and understanding, a good gentleman, treat you with respect and love, hard working, willing to serve and protect his family) Or are they capricious standards that you got from Hollywood films and romance novels? I hope you know how to put the Lord’s standards above these others.
2. “Attracted to”. You’re saying that either physically or emotionally, you find them less attractive. Are you a great catch yourself? Are you as beautiful as you expect him to be handsome? Are you as emotionally fulfilling as you expect him to be? Whatever other standards you’re setting, you need to “Be the change you wish to see in the world” (Mahatma Ghandi). Notice, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be physically attracted to your mate. But please remember it isn’t the most important thing. And we cannot all expect to marry a perfect 10. The issue is often just a question of presentation rather than actually being physically attractive. Proper dress, grooming, posture, and attitudes go a long way toward attractiveness. I’ve known so many people who may be considered less attractive who were very popular because of the way they carried themselves and the positive attitude they always had.
3. As far as your specific type: consider the rules above and pray about whether you’re being reasonable.
If you can go through these exercises and determine that the Lord would approve of the type of man you’re looking for, then go ahead and pray to find that man. Then be the woman that such a man would want in his life. Be in the places that such a man would be in. Do the things that such a man would do in a relationship. And try to brush away all the peripheral stuff that would distract you from those characteristics that the Lord would want in the man who would be your husband.
Ponder. Pray. Do. Be. Find. Live Those are the steps.
Gramps
