If God does not recognize same-sex marriage, then why should his database recognize it?
Throughout the ages, God’s children have had questions, you are not alone in that. Questions are good. Much (perhaps most) of what Joseph Smith learned and taught us came about because of asking questions.
You can read more about the decision regarding the Family Search Website here:
In addition, I’m going to give you some counsel from Sheri Dew. She gave a Brigham Young University Idaho devotional on the topic of dealing with difficult questions. She even shared an experience of a wrestle that she had engaged in with the Lord. She said,
“I recently engaged in a wrestle. When the policy was announced that the children of gay parents might not be eligible for baptism at age eight, I was confused. I did not question the Brethren or doubt their inspiration, but neither did I understand the doctrinal basis for the policy. So I asked the Lord to teach me. I prayed, searched the scriptures, studied the teachings of prophets, and pondered my question in the temple. This went on for several months. Then one day a colleague made a statement that sparked a new thought for me, and in that moment the Spirit illuminated the doctrine in my heart and mind. I consider that answer personal revelation and not something I should teach. Though I have wept with friends to whom this policy directly applies, the doctrine gave me peace and understanding.
When we have unresolved questions, our challenge doesn’t lie in what we think we know. It lies in what we don’t yet know.” Will You Engage in the Wrestle?
You have already begun to wrestle with this topic. You have a question, and you are searching (asking me) for answers. That is a great beginning. Don’t stop there. Keep searching. I would recommend reading what the apostles have said about homosexuality, families, and family history. Read your scriptures daily. The war chapters in Alma might have nothing to do with your question, but a sincere study of the scriptures daily brings the Spirit into our lives in such a way that He can answer the questions that are not found in the scriptures. Pray, fast, be humble and ready to accept an unexpected answer (or an expected answer).
Heavenly Father loves all His children and desires to bless them all. He will help you understand this if you seek His counsel with an open heart.