I have been professionally diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder. The disorder has made it almost impossible to live a full, happy life. Due to my inability to connect with others, I have been unable to fulfill my church responsibilities as expected. This feeling of disconnection has also taken its’ toll on my family life, but especially with my relationship with my Heavenly Father. If I cannot have any sense of connection with my fellow man, how can I be expected to have any connection with God. There is no cure and medication does not help. I have, quite frankly, given up on being happy. I will suffer for the rest of my life, then I will suffer in the eternities. Is there anything I can do? I have prayed and fasted over the many years but have still felt no relief.
Blaine, I am reminded of Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” that he prayed to have removed (2 Corinthians 12:7 – 10). I do not think Paul lacked faith or righteousness, and yet the thorn was not removed. For whatever reason, it was not in God’s plan to do so.
I sympathize with your struggles. Latter-day Saints preach a sort of social salvation. We are saved as families; once converted, we strengthen our brethren and lift them with us; we serve God by serving our neighbors. I can certainly see how these platitudes can feel like personal slights aimed directly at you. Let me assure you this is not the case. We also wholeheartedly believe in a personal salvation. Life eternal is to personally know God and His Son; the covenants of the saving ordinances are made individually; Enos secured his own salvation before turning his attention to others.
When you speak with your Father in Heaven, instead of asking Him to remove this thorn, ask Him if He approves of your relationship with your family. Ask Him if He accepts your work in your calling and assignments. Your Father knows your circumstances and will work with you individually. You may be suprised to find that His expectations of you are very different from your expectations of yourself. You may also be suprised to hear specific directions on how to improve your earthly relationships.
Finally, don’t give up on yourself. You suffer in this life on account of a weakness that has been given to you. God gives “men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me”. It sounds like you could really use a grace booster. Be humble and your obstacle can be a vehicle for this very relationship you seek. “If they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).