What does it mean for the husband and father to preside in the Mormon home?

Question

Dear Gramps,

What does it mean for the husband and father to preside in the home? The Proclamation says, “fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners.” President Lee said, “But even more important than that you be yoked equally’ in physical matters, is that you be yoked equally in spiritual matters.” Is it possible to be equal in all things and yet have someone preside? Is preside used in the sense of “being in charge” and/or leading? Can both father and mother lead? Is the father supposed to get the spiritual direction for the family? Does preside simply mean the guy is in charge of assigning who says the prayer? It seems so contradictory sometimes. My husband I and make decisions together. I don’t feel like he presides and I’m first counselor or something, but I still feel like we have a righteous marriage. We’re responsible to each other and to our children. If anything, I should be more responsible than him for the state of my family and children. I’m asking in sincerity, not exasperation.

A Happy Wife

Answer

Dear Happy Wife,

The order of the Kingdom is that there be one person to preside in each organization. However, the word, preside, in the connotation of the Mormon Church, and especially in the Mormon home, has no relation to the word, preside, in the world. He who presides in the world is an overlord; he who presides in Kingdom is a servant. He who presides in the home has the responsibility to provide for and assure the spiritual and temporal welfare of the family. As you have stated in your remarks above, the husband and wife are indeed equal partners. However, their assignments in the family are different. To the mother goes the responsibility for the physical birth and for the training and upbringing of the children; to the father goes the responsibility for the spiritual birth and for the training and upbringing of the children. You see, no more could a woman baptize a child than could a man bear a child. The mother exerts the greater influence as the nurturer and the father as the provider. But no action should take place in the family unless it is agreed upon by both the mother and the father. Unless the two of you are of the same mind–no action!

Again, contrary to the ways of the world, the mother and father should have as their prime goal the benefit of the partner rather than the benefit of self. If each partner would have the innate, internal desire to put the companion’s welfare, interests, desires ahead of his/her own and be willing to sacrifice what one wants in favor of what the companion may want, you would have the happiest of homes, and would reap all the benefits that come to those who love the Lord and who keep His commandments.

Gramps