I am 21 and already worrying about whether I will ever find a husband. I converted a year ago and haven’t made connections to my ward members (my ward is tiny and has a lot of turnover). I’m overweight and I’ve never dated anyone. I wonder whether I could ever find someone who will love me. I’m not very social or pretty, but I do try to be kind and Christ-like. Is it possible that God made me so unlovable and alone? Why didn’t God love me enough to make me like the other girls?
Your question to Ask Gramps broke the heart of all of us reading it. Upon first glance it seems straightforward, but I feel like you’ve asked several questions and brought up issues that many of us struggle with, so I’m going to unpack your question for a bit.
First off, the easy one. You are only 21 Lauren, and that is still young, so young. While it’s true, our church correctly values families and places an emphasis on marrying young, at age 21 you are hardly “too old” to worry about things like this. In fact, one could easily argue that it’s much better to find out who you are and allow yourself time to grow rather than to rush into a marriage too soon. If you were 41, then the answer would be very different, but at your age, please do not worry about this. At all.
One thing Latter-day Saints do quite well is create a community with their wards. Often times we become very close to our ward families and we form lifelong relationships with them. However, in small wards it can be very difficult if not impossible to connect with people who we don’t share anything with. I have seen firsthand in my life how difficult this can be. Have you considered talking to your bishop and Relief Society president about this? Perhaps if they know your concerns then they can seek a solution to your problem. If you can’t find a community in your ward, then it might be a good idea to join a social club that shares your interest. It might be awkward at first, but the end result could be a blessing beyond words.
Lauren, you mention that you are afraid that “no one will ever love you” because you are “overweight, not very social, and not very pretty”. You wonder if “God made you unlovable” and “if He didn’t love me enough to make me pretty like other girls.” Lauren, Ask Gramps is a team of writers, and your comments moved this writer to tears. If you don’t do anything else in this answer, please understand that our Heavenly Father loves you as much as He loves all of His children, and that love is never ending. I am sure that you Lauren, have qualities and characteristics that make you very special in His eyes, and one day, you will find someone in this life who values them and you, just as much as He does.
God bless you dearest sister in Christ. You are in our prayers.