Question
Dear Gramps,
I am on the verge of breaking up with my non-member boyfriend of two years because he refuses to accept the gospel. I have told him that I will only marry him if he can take me to the Temple. I brought up the idea of proxy sealing after we are both passed away and he seems to be okay with that. Is it okay to be married civilly and request that a proxy sealing be done for us after we’re gone if he refuses to accept the gospel in this mortal life?
Melissa
Answer
Dear Melissa,
Can you be serious?? Don’t you realize that the sealing of a wife to a husband in the holy temple involves sacred covenants of obedience to the gospel of Jesus Christ? If these sacred covenants are violated by either party the sealing is not in force, and they are in no way joined together in the eternities. Do you really believe that when a person who lives the way of the world dies, he immediately is converted to the truth, and from then on lives a pure life in the spirit world, worthy of forgiveness of all his former sins? When we go into the spirit world through the process that we call death, we are the same person that we were before death–we have the same thoughts, the same desires, the same convictions and the same beliefs.
Of course these may be changed by continued teaching and continued experience. But if you live with a man all your life who understands that it’s all right with you if he does not believe or practice the true principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ and live a completely worthy life, what do you think would make him change his mind about that understanding just because he went from one room to another–from one sphere to another–from mortality to the spirit world?
You were very wise to tell him that you would only marry him if he could take you to the temple. To continue to go with him when he refuses to try to qualify for that greatest of blessings only tells him that you are not really serious about what you said, and therefore he really needs to do nothing about it. I’m sure that he would have no trouble promising anything about a relationship in the eternities after the resurrection, because he understands nothing about it, and certainly does not believe that it has any substance.
If you are at all serious about your own eternal future, your statement and position with him should be “I will only marry you if you will take me to the Temple for our marriage. The requirement for you to be worthy to do so is the following:——-. When you have fully complied with all those requirements, come and see me and we will then talk about a continued relationship. In the meantime, Goodbye!”
You have gone down some rather treacherous paths. But let’s try to review what an initial approach to your situation should be. In the first place, you are going to marry someone with whom you at one time had a first date. Here comes the beginning of the problem. After the two of you start going together judgement is clouded by emotion. It’s very easy to rationalize how the circumstance could be different in the future if your companion does not now stand up to your standards. And that rationalization will lead you to decisions that may forever prevent you from reaching your highest potential and enjoying the greatest blessings that our Father has to give to his obedient children in mortality–that is, to be married by the power of the holy priesthood for time and all eternity in one of the Lord’s holy temples, with the potential to rule and reign in the House of Israel forever! We should do all that we possibly can to qualify for that greatest of all blessings.
Therefore, since you are going to marry someone with whom you once had a first date, it seems to me to be of the utmost importance to only date those persons who are living the commandments of the Lord and are temple worthy. The risks associated with doing anything less are far too great to be seriously considered.
Gramps
