If one is of mixed race, who do they marry?

If one is of mixed race, who do they marry?

Question

 

Gramps,

I have heard that a person should marry within his or her race. Well if a person is of mixed blood, who does that person marry?

Shasta

 

Answer

 

Dear Shasta,

The simple answer to your question is–whoever one wants to!

There is no official Church doctrine against interracial marriages.  What some Church leaders have suggested in the past is that, as a practical matter, marriage is hard; and marriages will often run more smoothly when the parties come from similar economic, national, religious, ideological, or ethnic backgrounds.  From President Spencer W. Kimball:

We recommend that people marry those who are of the same racial background generally, and of somewhat the same economic and social and educational background (some of those are not an absolute necessity, but preferred), and above all, the same religious background, without question.  “Marriage and Divorce,” in 1976 Devotional Speeches of the Year [Provo: Brigham Young University Press, 1977], p. 144

We don’t hear much counsel like this any more.  What you choose to do with it, and whether or how you apply it in your own life, is up to you.

 

Gramps

 

 

Will the rights of the LDS church be threatened with the recent Supreme Court ruling?

Will the rights of the LDS church be threatened with the recent Supreme Court ruling?

Question

 

Dear Gramps,

In light of the recent Supreme Court ruling for homosexual marriage to be allowed in all 50 states, what does this mean for the future of the Church and its members? Is this a specific sign of the times? I’ll be honest in saying that I am a little fearful for the future of our religious rights as members of the Church, and not legally being able to refuse homosexual marriage within our church. Can you give some insight on what we are now supposed to do in defense of our beliefs?

Mitch

also

Gramps,

Now that same-sex marriage is legal, do you think someone will attempt to force the LDS church (by suing) to perform the practice or are we safe regarding this? And if, hypothetically speaking of course, someone would win a case against the church, what would the prophet’s next step be? Would that be a point that God would have to intervene in a very drastic way?

Brittney

 

Answer

 

Dear Mitch and Brittney,

I don’t claim to know everything that our future holds.  However, the Church leadership has been very upbeat over our future.  For example, in February Elder Holland said the following at a CES fireside:

 

We know for certain that if and when everything else in the latter days is down or dying; if governments, economies, industries, and institutions crumble; if societies and cultures become a quagmire of chaos and insecurity, nevertheless, through it all the gospel of Jesus Christ and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that bears that gospel to the world will stand triumphant. It will stand undefiled in God’s hand until the very Son of God Himself comes to rule and reign as Lord of lords and King of kings. Nothing is more certain in this world. Nothing is more sure. Nothing could be more of an antidote to anxiety. As the Prophet Joseph declared, and as a generation of missionaries quote with fervor: The truth of God will sweep every country and sound in every ear. No unhallowed hand can stop it from progressing. Still true.

. . . .

And if there are some bumps along the way while waiting to see every promise kept and every prophecy fulfilled, so be it. As the remarkable Eliza R. Snow penned:

 

What, tho, if the favor of Ahman possessing,
This world’s bitter hate you are called to endure?
The angels are waiting to crown you with blessings!
Go forward, be faithful, the promise is sure.
Go forward, be faithful, the promise is sure.

 

That spirit cuts through confusion like the two-edged sword the truth of the Lord always is.

 

So, if you haven’t noticed, I am bullish on the latter-days. In nothing could I have more faith than I have in God the Eternal Father; in Jesus Christ, His Son; in their redeeming gospel; and in their divinely guided Church. So, what do we owe our students in this? We owe them a comparable testimony and a life “of good cheer.” The Savior asked for that so often that I personally consider it a commandment. However, worry and fear and pessimism and fretting can destroy anyone’s good cheer—yours and that of the people around you. So put a smile on your face, and cherish every day of your life!  [Emphasis added.]

 

As for what, specifically, the Church members are to do at this time:  The Church just recently gave some additional counsel, which you can read online here.

 

Gramps

 

 

 

 

What if my personal revelation doesn’t match that of my husband’s?

What if my personal revelation doesn’t match that of my husband’s?

Question

 

Gramps,

My husband and I have been married for many years.  We have 5 children and I have felt for quite some time that we need to add to our family.  My husband does not feel the same.  I have prayed with much sincerity to know my Heavenly Father’s will and continue to have this feeling of another Spirit in our home.  Should I just forget about the impressions that I’ve had and drop the subject?

Angie

 

Answer

 

Dear Angie,

There are times in our lives when it is difficult to understand the mind and will of the Lord, and then to trust it.  You seem to be in one of those moments, you feel that the Spirit is nudging you to have another baby, and yet your husband doesn’t feel the same way.  The scriptures are full of stories of people asked to do difficult things which required them to trust the Lord and often to wait for His timing.

I assume you have already talked to your husband about this so my counsel is not to try and persuade him.  Take your concerns to the Lord.  Pour out your heart to him about how you feel prompted to have another child and your husband is not on board.  Then ask the Lord to change your husband’s heart, or yours as needed.  Be willing to trust the Lord’s timetable, like  Abraham and Sarah.  Though I don’t think He would literally make you wait that long…but possibly longer than you would hope.

“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

 

“In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths” (Proverbs 3:5–6).

 

Gramps

 

Does your patriarchal blessing ever hint as to who you will marry?

Does your patriarchal blessing ever hint as to who you will marry?

Question

 

Gramps,

I have been thinking a lot about patriarchal blessings lately, and I was wondering if your blessing ever hints to WHO you will marry. I’m in high school and believe me I’ve had lots of crushes on different boys, but lately I’ve been spending time with a new person and he has a beautiful pure heart and honors his priesthood and I feel like he is someone special. He fulfills every requirement on my eternal companion list. I even feel the spirit when I think about him. Is this possible? Thanks

Kate

 

Answer

 

Dear Kate,

It’s always dangerous to try to predict what will or won’t be in any particular patriarchal blessing.  These blessings are revelation given specifically to you through your patriarch; and they will contain whatever counsel the Lord thinks you need to have (and sometimes what He wants us to know, doesn’t always coincide with what we want to know!).

That said, it’s probably worth noting as a general principle that patriarchal blessings do not exist primarily to forecast specific life events.  Rather, my experience is that they tend to teach various principles that should be applied throughout one’s life; perhaps with particular attention on one or two relatively specific pieces of advice for specific stages of life.

So if you are looking at getting a patriarchal blessing as a means of identifying Mr. Right–or scouring through a blessing already received, combing for clues as to his identity–I would gently suggest that you change your approach.  Do right, love God, seek revelation, enjoy life as it comes, and trust that when the Lord wants you to get a revelation on that subject–you’ll get it.

 

Gramps

 

Will we learn of the sins of our spouses at judgement time?

Will we learn of the sins of our spouses at judgement time?

Question

 

Gramps,

There was a time when my husband was withdrawn from me. And having found small hints of infidelity I asked him directly if he had been unfaithful. He denied, of course, but now, two years later I still feel he cheated and is ignoring it. Will there be a day during our judgement that I will know if he was unfaithful, or will his sins be kept from me?  Many thanks.
“Hopeful”

 

Answer

 

Dear “Hopeful,”

What is your real concern here? Are you looking to the eternal welfare of others and self, or are you just worried about someone getting their comeuppance?

Also, there is a logical fallacy known as “begging the question”. What it means is that we make an assumption and use that assumption as evidence to prove the assumption true. For instance, you assume that your husband cheated on you. Then this assumption is proven true, because, when confronted about it, “he denied [it], of course”. Such is clearly the act of a guilty man. But then, we could cut this the other way too. Let’s assume that your husband never cheated on you. Our assumption is validated because when confronted about having cheated “he denied [it], of course”. What else would you expect an innocent to do?

The day will come when your husband will stand before the Savior and his wicked thoughts, words, and deeds will testify against him to his condemnation (Alma 12:14). What’s more, the rebellious shall be pierced with much sorrow; for their iniquities shall be spoken upon the housetops, and their secret acts shall be revealed” (D&C 1:3). Any indiscretion on his part will be publicly broadcast, visible to yourself and the world.

But this will not be to satisfy some sort of self-righteous desire to see those who have wronged us getting what’s coming to them. If that is the state that our heart is in, we will likely be right there beside them with the weeping and the wailing and the gnashing of teeth and all that.

You see, one day you will also stand before the Savior, “and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” (Matthew 7:2). Your secret, wicked thoughts, words, and deeds will be broadcast publicly for all the world to see. What will your husband think of your accusing heart?

Your best bet is to approach your situation with prayer, faith, and love. Forgive all men, including your husband, and leave judgment to God. Worry about the example you set, the kind of person you are, the messages you share with others, and that all of the above are true representations of Christ, whom we covenant to stand for at all times and in all places.

 

Gramps

 

Was there same sex marriage during Noah’s time?

Was there same sex marriage during Noah’s time?

Question

Hi Gramps,

I’ve heard that in the time of Noah the term “giving in marriage” back then meant that there was same sex marriage occurring during that time.  Is that true?  I also heard that it was the final straw before God sent the flood. And since Noah’s time mirrors ours I wondered if this was true?

Dev

 

Answer

Dev,

We don’t know what constituted the ‘final straw’ before the flood of Noah’s time, or when God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah.

I notice that the term “marrying and giving in marriage” is used in several scriptures: Matthew 24:38 and Joseph Smith–Matthew 1:42  (which both mention Noah), and several others including 4 Nephi 1:11 which states:

“And they were married, and given in marriage, and were blessed according to the multitude of the promises which the Lord had made unto them.”

Considering that it says they “were blessed”, it does not appear that the term “given in marriage” refers to anything sinful. A possible meaning would be that it refers to those that were betrothed or engaged but not yet married.

Related to your question, Pres. Hinckley has said,

““The traditional family is under heavy attack. I do not know that things were worse in the times of Sodom and Gomorrah. … We see similar conditions today. They prevail all across the world. I think our Father must weep as He looks down upon His wayward sons and daughters.”  “Standing Strong and Immovable,” Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting, 10 Jan. 2004, 20.

We do live in interesting and perilous times.  Do all you can to keep yourself and your loved ones close to the Lord.

 

Gramps

Can physical intimacy and spirituality be compatible?

Can physical intimacy and spirituality be compatible?

Question

Dear Gramps,

When I am reading my scriptures or saying my prayers, I have no interest in physical intimacy with my spouse.  And when we do come together I become very carnally minded and completely lose interest in saying my prayers, reading my scriptures or in being “spiritual”.  Are the two mutually exclusive or incompatible?  Or am I doing something wrong here?

Concerned

 

Answer

Concerned,

The two most definitely are not mutually incompatible. But you don’t need to be overly concerned about this. Sex is one of the great and profound gifts God has given us, but the purpose of sex isn’t to get us to read our scriptures.

As they grow in age and spiritual maturity, many couples find that the physical union of husband and wife takes on a deep, rich, and — yes — very spiritual dimension. But if that’s not where you are at in your progression right now, that doesn’t mean you are wrong. I encourage you not to overthink this. Enjoy your relationship with your spouse in all of its facets — spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. Do your duty to God and to your spouse in all things, and as you live your life, you will find all the seemingly disparate areas of your life woven together in a magnificent divine tapestry.

Ever the hopeless romantic,

Gramps

Can those in legal same sex marriages obtain a temple recommend?

Can those in legal same sex marriages obtain a temple recommend?

Question

Dear Gramps,

I read in a previous answer and it was mentioned in Sunday School today that members who are attracted to the same sex but remain chaste and don’t act on their urges, the same as heterosexuals, can hold a temple recommend. What about members that marry their partner in a state that has legalized same sex marriage? Given that they remained chaste until they were married can they still keep a temple recommend?

Kristin

 

Answer

Dear Kristin,

The law of chastity is simply that a man is not to have sexual relations except with his wife; and that a woman is not to have sexual relations except with her husband. With this understanding, homosexuals and heterosexuals can both worthily obtain temple recommends so long as they live this law. A few months ago The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints gave instructions to bishops for the particular case you mentioned – whether it is sufficient to be lawfully wedded by the laws of the land.

Changes in the civil law do not, indeed cannot, change the moral law that God has established. God expects us to uphold and keep His commandments regardless of divergent opinions or trends in society. His law of chastity is clear: sexual relations are proper only between a man and a woman who are legally and lawfully wedded as husband and wife. We urge you to review and teach Church members the doctrine contained in ‘The Family: A Proclamation to the World.’

Consistent with our fundamental beliefs, Church officers will not employ their ecclesiastical authority to perform marriages between two people of the same sex, and the Church does not permit its meetinghouses or other properties to be used for ceremonies, receptions, or other activities associated with same-sex marriages.

Besides the principle in The Family Proclamation linked above, this also comes out from a distinction that the Church continues to make clear:

The experience of same-sex attraction is a complex reality for many people. The attraction itself is not a sin, but acting on it is. Even though individuals do not choose to have such attractions, they do choose how to respond to them. With love and understanding, the Church reaches out to all God’s children, including our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters.” (MormonsAndGays.org)

There is no disciplinary action taken for same-sex attraction. There is no loss of temple recommend in such cases, nor disfellowship. Should the person choose homosexual actions then it comes with consequences. The Church recognizes such as sin. Marrying a partner of the same sex clearly falls under homosexual action, and any sexual relations had under that condition are against the law of chastity as far as God and the Church are concerned, opinions of the State and culture notwithstanding.

Even so, everyone deserves a baseline of respect, regardless of how his/her sins may differ from yours. As such, the Church reminds us that “ all visitors are welcome to our chapels and premises” to worship with us and participate in our activities. What’s more, we should still be civil and friendly whether attraction is same-or opposite-sex; whether such attraction is acted on or not; whether married or not. The Church “affirm[s] that those who avail themselves of laws or court rulings authorizing same-sex marriage should not be treated disrespectfully” (Church Instructs Leaders on Same-sex Marriage).

Gramps

Will single sisters be able to marry in the Celestial Kingdom?

Will single sisters be able to marry in the Celestial Kingdom?

Question

Will single sisters be able to marry in the Celestial Kingdom?

Gary

 

Answer

Gary,

Single sisters will be given the opportunity for marriage. But they will not marry in the Celestial Kingdom. In order to obtain the highest degree of the Celestial Kingdom, marriage must be in place first. And that marriage must happen in this life. Jesus taught us in Matt 22:30 (see also Mark 12:25)

“For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven”

This is expanded a bit in Luke 20:34-35

 

“And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage: But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage:”

From these teachings we know that marriage is a work that must be accomplished in this life. Marriage will not be performed on resurrected beings.

However, we also know from latter-day teachings that those who are worthy and willing, but do not have the chance for marriage, will not be deprived of exaltation. So how does this work? Well, through work for the dead. Joseph Smith taught “people could now act for their friends who had departed this life, and that the plan of salvation was calculated to save all who were willing to obey the requirements of the law of God.” We don’t know all the details of how this will work. What we do know is that the millennium will be a time for accomplishing the mammoth undertaking of completing the work for the dead. Joseph Smith also taught that immortal beings will frequently visit the earth. These resurrected beings will help with the government and other work. A large part of this will be working out the details of the work for the dead.

The Gospel Principles manual clarifies this idea further:

“There will be two great works for members of the Church during the Millennium: temple work and missionary work. Temple work involves the ordinances that are necessary for exaltation. These include baptism, the laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost, and the temple ordinances—the endowment, temple marriage, and the sealing together of family units. Many people have died without receiving these ordinances. People on the earth must perform these ordinances for them. This work is now being done in the temples of the Lord. There is too much work to finish before the Millennium begins, so it will be completed during that time. Resurrected beings will help us correct the mistakes we have made in doing research concerning our dead ancestors. They will also help us find the information we need to complete our records. (See Joseph Fielding Smith, Doctrines of Salvation, comp. Bruce R. McConkie, 3 vols. [1954–56], 2:167, 251–52.)”

Finally, James E Talmage drives the point home in his book Jesus the Christ,

“In the resurrection there will be no marrying nor giving in marriage; for all questions of marital status must be settled before that time, under the authority of the Holy Priesthood, which holds the power to seal in marriage for both time and eternity.” (Jesus the Christ ch 31).

Gramps

Would I have to convert if I married a man that is LDS?

Would I have to convert if I married a man that is LDS?

Question

Gramps,

I am not a Mormon but am just starting a relationship with a man that is LDS.  I have read some literature on the topic but could you please tell me if there is anything out of the norm (as per other religions) with regards to the Mormon faith?  If the relationship developed into marriage, would I be expected to convert?  I know as per your faith that once a man and woman are married, that as per your faith, they are united for eternity but how does that work if the man’s first wife passed away?

Tammy

 

Answer

Tammy,

Many of your questions about expectations are going to have to be answered by the man that you are starting a relationship with.  You will need to find out what his expectations are concerning the religious beliefs of the woman he is interested in.  I can not answer that, but I can give you more general answers from the view of the Church.

The Church of Jesus Christ welcomes all to its Sunday services.  Anyone can attend, in fact the only thing that is restricted to members only is going into the temples (We have both churches and temples) and even then most temples have visitor centers, and very beautiful and peaceful grounds that you could wander around.  Should you go the members might take that as an expression of interest on your part and invite you to learn more.  You can decline this invitation if you wish and still stay.

The Church teaches things like the Law of Chasity (no sex before marriage), Word of Wisdom (No alcohol, coffee, tea, tobacco, or illegal drugs), and Serving others.  All of which could very likely come up as you pursue a relationship with a LDS man (Greatly depending on the faithfulness and activity of the man in question).  You might consider some of those to be out of the norm.

Now to your questions about getting married.  The Church recognizes any marriage between a man and a woman that is legally and lawful entered into. There are members married to non members in the Church.  The Church would of course like them to all be members of course and so they will on occasion check to see if the non-member is interested.  But even those that are not interested are still welcome to come and join in the church activities.

That type of marriage is done until “Death do you part,”  which as is says means once you die the marriage is over.  The Church believes that these marriages can also be sealed by an ordinance in the temple.  This sealing gives the marriage the ability to last for “Time and all Eternity” if the people are faithful.   It is common in the Church for members to have both the legal and religious requirements done at the same time.  This can lead to members taking about temple marriages, or temple weddings as a short hand for legal marriage and sealing ordinance done together.  However they do not have to be done together a couple could wait years between them.

So how does this belief impact you?  Well the man you are interested in and might possibly marry, might very will be very interested in being with you for time and all eternity.  That can only happen if you are a member and the two of you get sealed in the temple.  Thus he could very well have that as an expectation for you. That expectation can manifest in many ways from him apply a great deal of pressure to you, to him being very patent and trusting in the Lord that you will come around when it is right for you.  Or any possibility in between.

As for the prior marriage that depends on if both marriages were sealed and if all three parties were faithful.  If that doesn’t happen then there is no promise given to the ones that did not and it resolves itself.  If both conditions are met then we have to acknowledge that mortally is messy, and that we see imperfectly.  A lot of people have theories and ideas but the bottom line is we need to have faith that God will sort it out in a way that is perfect for everyone.

Gramps

Page 1 of 2512345...1020...Last »
Copyright © 2015 Ask Gramps - Q and A about Mormon Doctrine. All Rights Reserved.
This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). The views expressed herein do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. The views expressed by individual users are the responsibility of those users and do not necessarily represent the position of the Church. For the official Church websites, please visit LDS.org or Mormon.org.

Pin It on Pinterest