Question
Gramps,
A middle-aged woman interested in being in the New and Everlasting covenant and wants a celestial marriage and an eternal increase. She does not have the best family background, never knowing her biological father, or her siblings. She has experienced abuse. Her mother married her stepfather when she was 9 and later got divorced. She has previously married in the temple and the marriage failed. How can she prepare herself for a Celestial marriage? Is there a chance for success?
Gail
Answer
Gail,
Unfortunately, this type of story is all too frequent. Fortunately, there is a way to break the cycle. Remember that details to each circumstance may vary. But playing the law of averages, there are very common things that happen all too often to dismiss the patterns.
For instance, I personally know a woman who was married three times and almost married a fourth time. While she had none of the disadvantages that the woman in your question had (fatherless, stepfather abandoned, abused…) she still chose the wrong kind of man again and again. She herself was a very strong and well adjusted woman with a lot of faith. But her judgment of men was just terrible.
First, recognize the problem. It is easy to say the problem is the men in her life. And, sure, that argument may have some validity. But the real problem is that the woman is actually conditioned to look for these men with bad problems.
She never knew her biological father. Did he abandon them? Did he die? Was he a one-night stand? Unless it was the death option, he was not the right kind of man. The mother taught the daughter to look for a man who would abandon her.
The mother then taught the daughter to find another man who later divorced. Was that because the mother didn’t know how to behave in a stable relationship? If so, the daughter has learned those same traits. Did the stepfather leave because he was not a dedicated man? If so, the daughter has again learned to find a man who won’t stick with her. And most importantly, she has learned to be the woman who gets left. But that can change.
Second she needs to learn that she is a daughter of God with infinite worth. She deserves to be a woman who is sure of her eternal potential and divine nature. She deserves to be treated like a Lady as she treats her husband like a gentleman. She must believe in herself and know that she can do anything with the Lord’s help.
Third, decide what traits are good for a man to be a deserving Eternal Companion. The woman needs to learn those same traits. Birds of a feather flock together. So…
- If you want a celestial man, be a celestial woman.
- Do you want a strong powerful man? Be a strong powerful woman.
- Do you want a man who honors his priesthood? Then be a woman who will honor the priesthood as well.
- Do you want a kind compassionate man who treats her with respect? Be a woman who will treat her husband with respect.
- Do you want a man with a strong testimony of the gospel and will want to raise children up unto the Lord? Then be the woman who will do so as well.
You get the point. That is how she prepares for a celestial marriage.
Then as she prepares, she needs to trust the judgment of others as well. We often have blinders on when we’re wowed by someone to the point where we’re blind to all their faults. So, be sure to run them by some wiser less excitable people and see what they think. And as always take time to pray before re-marrying. With the Lord’s help, she will find success.
Gramps
