Question
Gramps,
I am married to a Mormon man who’s previous wife died. They were never sealed. He seems fairly obsessed with making that happen. I am beginning to feel like he is not fully committed to our marriage. I am not Mormon. Should I feel threatened?
Cheryl
Answer
Cheryl,
Thank you for taking a moment to ask this question. This is a difficult question for a number of reasons (i.e. I don’t know you or your husband and the relationship you have). I will do my best to answer the question though.
I could be wrong, as I don’t know your husband, but his desire to be sealed to his first wife is a natural feeling for a member of the Church. He is wanting to take a step that they didn’t take in this life, which would in-line with the Church’s teachings. It appears he is thinking upon her, and maybe desiring to do something they discussed while she was alive, but never made that decision.
I am currently friends with a woman whose husband passed away before they could get sealed. Overtime she would meet a wonderful man whom she fell in love with. As they discussed the potential of marriage she mentioned that she wanted to be sealed to her husband who passed away. Instead of feeling threatened he asked if he could participate and act as proxy for her deceased husband. So, before they were married, she was sealed to her husband who had just passed away with her fiance acting as proxy. My personal feelings at the time, “Wow, this man must surely love my friend to be willing, and without hesitancy, to stand in as proxy for her late husband.”
Your situation is a little different as you are not a member of the Church, which probably means you don’t believe in the teachings of the Church. If you don’t believe in the Church’s teachings, I guess my question would be, “Why would you feel your marriage is threatened by a dead woman”?
Is a man or woman capable of loving both a deceased spouse and a living spouse? I would say the answer is undoubtedly, yes. Is a man or woman able to completely love a deceased spouse, while being completely loyal and faithful to their living spouse? I would say, without any hesitancy, yes.
As mentioned in my initial response, I don’t know all the elements of your marriage. I, personally, don’t think you should feel threatened, but that is just my opinion and maybe there are other reasons you aren’t sharing as to why you may feel threatened. When your husband tells you he loves you (I am assuming he does), do you feel his expression is sincere? If so, then you should be able to speak with him and discuss with him your concerns and questions.
I don’t know the extent of your knowledge regarding the doctrines of the Church. You can always ask the missionaries to come over and teach you more about sealings and their purpose. Even in light of the knowledge we currently have regarding sealings there are still many things we do not know, and we are thankful that all things are worked out in the end by a perfect loving Heavenly Father.
Gramps
