Question
Gramps,
Can a family member use the principles of secret combinations to influence and control other family members?
Gayla
Answer
Gayla,
While the Book of Mormon primarily describes organized groups seeking political power, wealth, and influence, the underlying principles of secret combinations can be found in any situation where people use deception, manipulation, intimidation, or hidden agendas to control others.
That doesn’t mean a difficult or controlling family member is automatically part of a “secret combination.” The Book of Mormon uses that phrase in a specific way. However, the behaviors that make secret combinations so dangerous can certainly exist in personal relationships.
The Book of Mormon teaches that secret combinations are built on hidden motives rather than honesty and righteousness. They rely on secrecy, manipulation, and power over others rather than serving them. Moroni warned future readers that these combinations were not just a problem in ancient times but could exist in any society that allowed them to grow.
In Ether 8:23, Moroni wrote:
“Wherefore, O ye Gentiles, it is wisdom in God that these things should be shown unto you… that ye may repent of your sins, and suffer not that these murderous combinations shall get above you.”
Although Moroni was speaking about societies and governments, the principles apply on a smaller scale as well. Satan’s methods rarely change. Whether influencing a nation or a family, his goal is the same: replace love with fear, honesty with deception, and agency with control.
One of Heavenly Father’s greatest gifts is agency. The gospel consistently teaches that people should be invited to choose righteousness rather than forced into it.
Doctrine and Covenants 121 teaches one of the greatest principles of righteous leadership:
“No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned.” (Doctrine and Covenants 121:41)
Although this revelation is directed toward priesthood holders, its principles apply to everyone. Whether someone is a parent, spouse, sibling, or adult child, righteous influence comes through love and persuasion—not manipulation.
When someone consistently uses fear, guilt, threats, secrecy, emotional pressure, or deception to control another person’s choices, they are acting contrary to gospel principles.
This is where we begin to see similarities with the methods used by secret combinations.
For example, a controlling family member may:
- Hide important information to gain an advantage
- Use guilt to force obedience
- Create fear in others if you disagree with them
- Divide family members against one another
- Demand unquestioning loyalty.
- Twist the truth to maintain influence.
None of these behaviors reflects the Savior’s way of leading. Jesus invited people to follow Him. He never forced them.
Satan, on the other hand, sought to destroy agency from the very beginning. Moses recorded Lucifer’s proposal before this life:
“I will redeem all mankind, that one soul shall not be lost… wherefore give me thine honor.” (Moses 4:1)
The Lord rejected Satan’s plan because it would have taken away moral agency.
That same desire to control others continues today. Elder David A. Bednar has frequently taught that Heavenly Father’s plan is centered on moral agency and that we are to become “agents” who act rather than merely being acted upon. In his devotional “Seek Learning by Faith,” he explained:
“As learners, you and I are to act and not simply be acted upon.”
One reason Satan promotes manipulation is that it limits another person’s ability to make free and informed choices. Sometimes this control is obvious. Other times, it is much more subtle.
A family member might sincerely believe they are helping someone while still trying to control every decision the person makes. Good intentions do not automatically make controlling behavior righteous.
Parents, for example, have a responsibility to teach and guide their children. That is very different from manipulating adult children through fear or guilt. Likewise, spouses should counsel together as equals rather than trying to dominate one another.
President Russell M. Nelson has repeatedly taught that contention is one of Satan’s most effective tools because it drives away the Spirit. In his April 2023 General Conference address, “Peacemakers Needed,” he taught:
“Contention is a choice. Peacemaking is a choice.”
When manipulation replaces honest communication, contention usually follows.
The Book of Mormon provides several examples of individuals who used secretive influence to gain power over others. Amalickiah flattered people to obtain authority. Kishkumen and Gadianton formed secret oaths to obtain wealth and political control. Their methods included deception, hidden agendas, and the convincing of others to serve their interests rather than God’s.
While most family situations are nowhere near that extreme, the underlying pattern can sometimes look surprisingly familiar.
Instead of building trust, manipulation destroys it.
Instead of encouraging growth, control creates fear.
Instead of inviting agency, it pressures compliance.
The gospel invites us to examine not only what someone wants but how they seek to accomplish it.
Doctrine and Covenants 121 continues by teaching that influence should come through:
- Persuasion
- Long-suffering
- Gentleness
- Meekness
- Love unfeigned
- Kindness
- Pure knowledge
These qualities are almost the complete opposite of manipulation.
If a family member regularly tries to dominate conversations, isolate others, shame them into obedience, or uses secrets and emotional pressure to maintain power, those behaviors are not consistent with the pattern established by Jesus Christ.
That does not necessarily mean the person is evil. Many people learn unhealthy ways of interacting because of their own experiences. Others may not even realize they are being manipulative. The gospel encourages compassion, forgiveness, and patience whenever possible.
At the same time, showing Christlike love does not require surrendering your agency.
President Dallin H. Oaks emphasized that following Christ includes exercising charity while remaining true to gospel principles. In “Loving Others and Living with Differences,” he taught:
“As followers of Christ we should live peacefully with others who do not share our values or accept the teachings upon which they are based.”
Healthy boundaries can actually be an expression of Christlike wisdom. We can love someone while refusing to participate in unhealthy patterns of control.
Ultimately, the Book of Mormon teaches us to recognize Satan’s methods wherever they appear. Secret combinations are more than ancient criminal organizations. They represent patterns of unrighteous influence built on deception, pride, selfish ambition, and the desire to control others.
In contrast, the Savior’s kingdom is built on truth, openness, agency, service, and charity.
So, can a family member use principles similar to those found in secret combinations to influence and control others?
According to LDS doctrine, yes—they can use the same kinds of tactics, even if they are not literally part of a secret combination. Whenever someone seeks power through deception, fear, manipulation, or coercion rather than persuasion, love, and respect for agency, they are following a pattern that stands in opposition to the gospel of Jesus Christ.
The good news is that the Savior offers a better way. As we seek the companionship of the Holy Ghost, study the scriptures, and pattern our relationships after Jesus Christ, we can learn to recognize manipulative influence and choose instead the path of truth, charity, and respect for the God-given agency of every individual.
Gramps
