I have been attracted to girls since the second grade. Recently with the lack of quality guys to date I decided to explore my options with the ladies. While I am a returned missionary, denying my attraction to girls and ignoring those desires makes me feel like I am not being authentic with myself. Telling me to deny or ignore those feelings is like telling a person who is straight to deny their feelings for the opposite sex and only have them for the same gender. When I kiss a girl the chemistry is far greater than when I kiss a guy. In college we had a gay panel of LDS people come in and they said as long as they are celibate they can still hold a temple recommend. Heterosexuals can kiss and still hold a recommend, so it makes sense that homosexuals can as well. Is that true? If you kiss someone of the same gender can you still hold a temple recommend and go to the temple?
Your question is one of semantics and technicality, while possibly asking for permission to engage in the activity at the same time.
You are a returned missionary. Let me ask you a question: when you taught a non-married couple who were living together, what did they need to do to become baptized? They needed to no longer cohabitate together and live separately, or get married so they can live their life in line with the doctrines of Christ and the commandments He asks us to abide by.
Your question seems to also imply that you would require a “kissing partner” on an ongoing basis. Would how you need to live your life be fair to your partner? Would it also be fair to the covenants you have made at baptism and in the temple?
If you plan to hold a temple recommend for the rest of your life, and be “authentic with yourself,” then it seems that you have two values in your mind that are at odds with each other. You may be experiencing cognitive dissonance between two values – the value to be true to yourself and the value to be true to your covenants. You are trying to seek a “middle ground” by finding a compromise between the two.
My personal advice? If you ever feel that you have conflicting values, always choose the side of God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost as they are whom you have made covenants with and you’ll never go wrong spiritually.
36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38 This is the first and great commandment.
39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
In addition, when visiting with your Bishop and Stake President for renewing your temple recommend, you’ll never feel that you have a ‘lingering, half sin’ that you feel that you should confess, but don’t ‘need’ to because it’s not ‘that serious.’ Don’t allow the Adversary to deceive you with half truths and rationalization. The key word in rationalize… is lies.