Does our life in the premortal world determine our family? I was raised by a single mother and never met my father. There has been abuse in my family for several generations. I was not able to become pregnant. My temple marriage ended in divorce. All my known relatives are dead. I see families that are happy and they are blessed with children and relatives. I wanted so much to have a celestial marriage and descendants but it just wouldn’t happen. Did I do something terrible in the premortal world?
I’m sorry for your pain and anguish. First I want to reassure you that the Lord loves you. He is aware of your struggles. He will bless you.
No, Gael, the pain you have felt in your life is not some sort of punishment for your premortal life. The trials, tribulations and yes, sometimes, horrors, of this life come about for different reasons. Many of them are due to people’s use of their agency. You mentioned abuse in your family. That happens because of people’s poor use of agency. Your inability to become pregnant; I’m guessing was related to a physical issue (not a punishment from God). Though these trials are hard, you are not alone in your suffering. Many of the people we admire in the scriptures suffered greatly. Let’s look at a few.
Job, you will remember, lost his family, his riches and finally his health. In chapter 3 he expresses his pain so eloquently. Here are just two verses: Job 3:20-21
“Wherefore is light given to him that is in misery, and life unto the bitter in soul; Which long for death, but it cometh not; and dig for it more than for hid treasures;”
And remember Joseph of Egypt? His own brothers sold him into slavery. Then every time something good seemed to be happening in his life, something else would come along to ruin it. And yet in the end, he was just where the Lord needed him to be in a ruling position in Egypt.
Abinadi and many others were killed for sharing the gospel.
Joseph and Emma buried most of their children, and Joseph spent a lot of time unjustly behind bars, tarred and feathered etc.
No one would assume that any of them had done something wrong in the premortal life, right?
Even Jesus Christ, who was perfect, was not spared the cruelty and unfairness of this world.
But Gael, the Lord loves you, and He will not leave you alone in your struggles. You may feel sometimes as if you were alone. At those times, I counsel you to remember Jesus’ disciples on the road to Emmaus. He walked with them and taught them and yet they did not know He was there. He will be with you, even in those times that you don’t know He is. He has promised us “my kindness shall not depart from thee” Isaiah 54:10.
I highly recommend a talk by Elder Jeffery R. Holland: Lessons From Liberty Jail