Preserving Ones Marriage

Dear Gramps,

My husband and I are active church members. We serve in the temple. The problem is we argue much too much.  I have fasted and prayed about this many times over and have begged him to try to help us have a happier marriage.   I have asked him to go to counselling with me but he refuses. I simply have to find happiness and fulfillment outside my marriage and I do this through  serving in the church, being close to friends and family members (especially my daughters) and by reading and doing things alone. I won’t get a divorce after all these years but I need some help. First, can I do anything to improve this situation?  Second, are there some people just aren’t supposed to be together in the eternities, in spite of being sealed in the temple?

Jan

Dear Jan,

Your question is a very difficult one to address.  Many excellent talks have been given and articles written by the Brethren as well as qualified marriage counselors on how to deal with problems that exist in marriages, including anger and arguing.  The main issue though is that your husband needs to acknowledge that problems exist in your relationship and both of you must be willing to accept help in solving these problems.  The vast majority of  marriages can be saved if both the husband and wife are willing to humble themselves, keep the commandments and bring the Spirit of the Lord into their homes.  I would encourage you to seek help from your Bishop.  He has been called by the Lord to give counsel and help to the members of his Ward.

Each of us need to do all that we can to preserve our marriages and relationships.  In Matthew 19, the Lord stated:  6 “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.  7 They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?  8 He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.”

President Hinckley gave the following counsel to brethren of the Priesthood in the October 2007 Conference.   “Now in closing, I plead with you to control your tempers, to put a smile upon your faces, which will erase anger; speak out with words of love and peace, appreciation, and respect. If you will do this, your lives will be without regret. Your marriages and family relationships will be preserved. You will be much happier. You will do greater good. You will feel a sense of peace that will be wonderful.  If every husband and every wife would constantly do whatever might be possible to ensure the comfort and happiness of his or her companion, there would be very little, if any, divorce. Argument would never be heard. Accusations would never be leveled. Angry explosions would not occur. Rather, love and concern would replace abuse and meanness.”  Maybe you could put this quotation in a place where it would be seen often.

President David O. McKay stated, “In the light of scripture, ancient and modern, we are justified in concluding that Christ’s ideal pertaining to marriage is the unbroken home, and conditions that cause divorce are violations of his divine teachings. … There may be circumstances which make the continuance of the marriage state a greater evil than divorce. But these are extreme cases—they are the mistakes, the calamities in the realm of marriage. If we could remove them I would say there never should be a divorce. It is Christ’s ideal that home and marriage should be perpetual—eternal.” (Treasures of Life, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1965, p. 66.)

Only those who are worthy and have entered into the “New and Everlasting Covenant of Marriage” will be sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise.  These are they who will inherit the highest degree within the Celestial Kingdom.  We can be assured that the Lord in His wisdom will determine the status of each of us in the eternities.

Gramps