Question
Gramps,
I know sexual intimacy is between a married man and woman. However, with that, I don’t know how much gray area there is when it comes to that kind of intimacy. Is the Church’s stance on this purely for the intention to conceive?
Isaac
Answer
Isaac,
From ancient scripture to contemporary prophetic counsel, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints places the marital bond at the heart of God’s plan. In the book of Abraham, it’s noted that “it is not good that the man should be alone” (see Abraham 5), leading to the creation of Eve and the commandment for Adam and Eve to be one flesh,” without shame. Physical intimacy, therefore, is established as a divine gift and commandment, meant to be exercised within the sacred confines of marriage.
Elder Dallin H. Oaks taught, “The expression of our procreative powers is pleasing to God, but He has commanded that this be confined within the relationship of marriage.” President Spencer W. Kimball further emphasized, “In the context of lawful marriage, the intimacy of sexual relations is right and divinely approved. There is nothing unholy or degrading about sexuality in itself, for by that means men and women join in a process of creation and in an expression of love.” This doctrine clarifies that marital relations—rooted in love, unity, and fidelity—are not only appropriate but essential for marital fulfillment and spiritual progression.
Physical intimacy binds couples, allowing them to fulfill the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth and to become one flesh, a union meant to transcend the carnal and embody the spiritual. As Elder Richard G. Scott explained, “Within the enduring covenant of marriage, the Lord permits husband and wife the expression of the sacred procreative powers in all their loveliness and beauty within the bounds He has set. … Another reason for these powerful and beautiful feelings of love is to bind husband and wife together in loyalty, fidelity, consideration of each other, and common purpose.”
Despite its doctrinal grounding, marital intimacy is not immune to challenge. Many Latter-day Saint couples encounter times when the sexual aspect of their marriage is troubled or even absent. While discussions in church settings often address the avoidance of sexual sin, far fewer engage with couples experiencing a lack of intimacy—a situation that can cause loneliness, frustration, and feelings of inadequacy for one or both partners.
The Church does not dictate how often couples should engage in sexual relations. Instead, it calls spouses to cultivate compassion, understanding, and patience when marital intimacy faces obstacles. Sexless marriages, though less common, may reflect underlying medical or psychological conditions or be symptomatic of deeper marital issues. The foundational principle remains: work with compassion, understanding, and patience to work through the issues.
Effective communication is vital. Couples are encouraged—before and during marriage—to address expectations, experiences, and feelings about sexuality openly. Understanding a partner’s upbringing, beliefs about sex, and any past trauma (such as abuse) is critical. Working through such challenges may require time, support, and, at times, professional help.
Both self-control and compassion are required when one partner’s sexual drive does not match the other’s. Church teachings explicitly discourage selfishness and prescribe that each spouse strive to be sensitive to the other’s comfort level and needs:
President David O. McKay counseled that marriage “does not give the man the right to enslave her, or to abuse her, or to use her merely for the gratification of his passion.” (Conference Report, Apr. 1952, 86)
President Spencer W. Kimball added, “If it is unnatural, you just don’t do it… all the family life should be kept clean and worthy and on a very high plane.” (Conference Report, Apr. 1974, 8–9; or Ensign, May 1974, 7)
President Howard W. Hunter declared, “Tenderness and respect—never selfishness—must be the guiding principles in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. … Each partner must be considerate and sensitive to the other’s needs and desires.” (Conference Report, Oct. 1994, 68; or Ensign, Nov. 1994, 51)
The aim, then, is not to conform to a prescribed frequency or checklist, but to foster a marital environment of love, trust, and mutual respect—a partnership where each person’s physical, emotional, and spiritual needs are valued and addressed.
One common worry among Latter-day Saints is reconciling the sacredness of spiritual pursuits with the physical passion found in marital intimacy. Some question whether feelings perceived as carnal or passionate might hinder one’s spirituality or standing before God. Yet, scriptural precedent and prophetic teaching affirm that marital intimacy, when exercised in covenant and love, is not only permitted but celebrated as a vital part of God’s plan.
Physical intimacy and spirituality are not mutually exclusive. The enjoyment of sexual union with a spouse can be a profound, spiritual experience, drawing couples closer both to each other and, through unity and selfless love, to God. Enjoy your relationship with your spouse in all of its facets—spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. … As you live your life, you will find all the seemingly disparate areas of your life woven together in a magnificent, divine tapestry.
Rather than quenching the Spirit, marital intimacy, when characterized by love and respect, can enrich spiritual life. Over time, many couples discover that their physical union is deep, rich, and—yes—very spiritual, bearing testimony to the wholeness that God intends for His children in marriage.
While the Church provides foundational principles, it refrains from offering an explicit list of prohibited sexual behaviors between husband and wife. Instead, it teaches that what happens within the sacred bonds of matrimony should be between them and Heavenly Father. The guiding boundary is mutual consent, concern for each other’s comfort, and adherence to principles of fidelity, gentleness, and unselfish love.
This lack of explicit enumeration does not mean “anything goes.” Elder Howard W. Hunter taught that unworthy, domineering, or selfish behavior “is condemned by the Lord.” Both must feel comfortable in marital intimacy, and neither should use the other for personal gratification or act in ways that cause discomfort or harm. The Church upholds chastity before marriage and complete fidelity within it, as essential to personal holiness and the sanctity of the marital union.
In essence, a healthy intimate relationship is one in which spouses feel complete in each other, with love, happiness, and passion shared in a context of safety and trust. The Church explicitly forbids third parties and actions that degrade or dehumanize. Rather, sexual union is framed as the ultimate expression of emotional, spiritual, and physical oneness.
Latter-day Saints sometimes struggle with guilt, embarrassment, or confusion about sexuality, often shaped by a lifetime of hearing about chastity and the dangers of sexual transgression. Healthy sexuality within marriage can require a shift away from seeing sexual desire as inherently dangerous or sinful. Church teachings emphasize the divine origin of pleasure in sex and its role in promoting the happiness and unity of spouses.
As celebrated by leaders and scriptural teachings—from the pronouncements of Parley Pratt and President Boyd K. Packer to the wisdom of Proverbs—sexual union is intended to bring joy: “Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. … Be thou ravished always with her love.” (Proverbs 5:18-19)
Moreover, instead of reserving sexual intimacy only for ideal situations, spouses are encouraged to make time for each other even during hardship; loving intimacy can heal, comfort, and strengthen marriages through life’s challenges. Open communication, education, and mutual appreciation can dispel awkwardness and deepen connection.
Resources abound for couples seeking to improve communication and intimacy, from faith-aligned books to counseling that honors gospel principles. Building a joyful sexual relationship takes time, patience, and humility, but within the framework of the gospel, it becomes another avenue for discipleship, devotion, and happiness.
Gramps
