Should I limit my activity in the Mormon Church in order to improve my marriage relationship with my non-member husband?

Question

Gramps,

I frequently read your questions and responses and they bring quite a bit of thoughtful information and perspective into my life. My question to you is regarding my status in the Church. I am a married woman whose husband is not a member. I have gone to the Temple and have taken my endowments. My husband was very supportive but has had a change of heart and now has issues with Church concepts and teachings. It has brought stress into our relationship/ family life and I have pulled back from the Church in order to concentrate on our family (lessening the stress caused by being active). Am I correct in doing this? I do enjoy my Church life but I also don’t want to cause agitation in our home life, I am not sure which is the right way to go on this…..

Lori

Answer

Dear Lori,

Let me tell you the account of another marriage with a situation similar to yours. When they were married the wife belonged to the Mormon Church but the husband did not. The wife remained active in the church, but never mentioned anything about the church to her husband because he was rather antagonistic. As a matter of fact, he would take out on Saturday nights and stay out until the wee hours of the morning, so she would be too tired the next day to go to church. She never complained about being kept out late, but she never missed her meetings. Finally her husband thought that if the church meant that much to her he had better see what it was all about. Without telling his wife, he had the missionaries meet with him in his office. One day he came home and asked his wife, “Would you like to go to a baptism tonight?” She replied, “I surely would, who is being baptized?” He responded, “I am,” When I learned of him he was a stake president in southern Oregon.

If you pull back from the Church to concentrate on your family you send a message to your husband that the Church and your salvation in the kingdom of God does not really mean all that much to you, and therefore it can never mean really very much to your non-member husband. If you reflect on the blessings promised to you in the temple if you remain true to your covenants, you must agree that your continuing worthiness should mean more to you than life itself, and the example of your faithfulness will inspire faithfulness in others who observe your behavior. The Savior commented on situations such as yours in the following scripture—

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

 

And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. (Matt 10:37-38)

Gramps