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Dear Gramps,

I have a question I am marrying a lovley LDS women in a few months and in a prievous marriage that she was in for 26 years she was verbal and mentally abused he now is a branch president the other day she called me and told me hoe he called her and said he blane her for everything that went wrong with there kids so i called him and told to
talk to her with respect and not hang up on her or yell at her because i would tolerate it he has no right to to her in a disrespecful way while they were married told me he did alot of bad things to her verbally he is now a branch president why does he get away with this


Dear John,

One of the great blessings in our lives is that we have the ability to repent of each of our sins.  Each of us no matter the sin, unless we commit the unpardonable sin, have the opportunity through the atonement of our Savior to repent and be forgiven.  One of the conditions to our receiving forgiveness is that we must forgive others who have trespassed against us.  In D&C 64 the Lord states:  9 “Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.  10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.”

Sometimes it is very difficult to forgive and forget.  There are far too many brethren and sisters who have left activity in the Church because they have been hurt by something said or done by someone who is active and often their leader.  Who is being hurt the most, not the offender, but the one who is not willing to forgive and forget.  When I was quite young, a friend of mine who came from an inactive family was confronted by our Bishop, who lived across the street, over some melons that had been taken from his garden.  Even though my friend had admitted his guilt to me, he was very upset that the Bishop would confront him in this way.  He left and never returned to full activity in the Church.  He has married and had children and I don’t believe any of his children have become active in the Church.  I don’t think we will have a very valid excuse when we come before our Lord, to say I did not do what I should have because of what so and so did.

One of the steps in his repentance process should be for him to ask for her forgiveness.  I assume that he has not done this, but whether he has repented or not of the way he treated her, I would encourage you both to forgive him and try to forget the experience.  The more you dwell on it, the more difficult it will become for you to forget and get on with you life together.  Until he can treat her correctly, I would forbid him to communicate with her.  If necessary you can always obtain a restraining order.

If her former husband has followed the necessary steps of repentance for the way he treated her, then he is worthy to fulfill callings in the Church.  If he hasn’t then it will be up to the Lord to determine what course of action will be taken.


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