I’m nearly 18, and I am going through the stress of college applications. I feel so unprepared. I feel terrified and hopeless. I sometimes feel like I was never meant to live this long, and that I shouldn’t be here, and that’s why I have no hope for the future. Why does my patriarchal blessing speak of the future, and having kids, when I feel like I’ve already messed up my life? Why do I feel like I shouldn’t be here? I know God doesn’t make mistakes but I still feel this way.
First off, I want to tell you that you are a precious and deeply valued daughter of God. Don’t ever forget how important you are to the church, and how important you are to our Heavenly Father. In the Doctrine and Covenants 18:10 the matter is summed up very succinctly and very nicely,
“Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.”
Filling out college applications can be incredibly stressful. No matter how prepared you might be, virtually all of us felt unprepared and very nervous at that time in life. It’s totally normal and completely valid to feel stressed out right now. In fact, if you didn’t feel stressed out at this time you would be rare indeed! Instead of feeling terrified and hopeless, perhaps you should look at the changes upcoming in your life as huge opportunities for growth, education and personal development. Never forget how talented and wonderful you are. Many people don’t get the chance to go to college because they haven’t achieved what you already have.
Your patriarchal blessing is God speaking to you through the patriarch. You haven’t messed up your life at all precious sister in Christ. You are not a mistake in any way, shape or form. You are deeply loved and don’t ever forget how the Lord thinks of you-as a wonderful and deeply valued daughter who obviously has a very special future ahead of her.
Summer, this isn’t medical advice but your words concern me a little bit. It sounds like you might be suffering from a form of clinical depression. Someone suffering from depression might say some of the same things that you mentioned. To be very clear about this-clincal depression is a medical condition and only a doctor can official diagnose it. It might be something to talk to your parents and a medical professional about.
You are in my prayers.