I lost my husband almost 2 years ago. We had a very hard road and we finally got on the right track. We both were sealed in the temple and 6 months later he died during surgery. I am so angry at the Lord for giving me only a short happy time with him and I had such a very rough time before that. How am I suppose to get my faith back into the Lord after he has taken away from the best man and the only man I will love so much? I am so angry and I have not returned to church since then. What do I do?
I know very well the feelings of loss and anger can be overwhelming when a spouse dies, but I want to remind you of something vital. You were sealed to your husband before his death. That means he is still your husband and will remain so even after you die. You will see him again, and you will enjoy a happiness with him that cannot be had in this life. The very promises made in the temple are precisely why you should return to active participation in the church. Your faith in trusting Heavenly Father to keep his word is what is being tested here. If you don’t go to church, or stated another way, if you don’t honor your covenants, what blessings can you expect?
Perhaps Heavenly Father needed your husband in the spirit world. Perhaps it was done to test your faith deliberately. Or, perhaps it was just a result of the mortal lives we live. Heavenly Father may never tell you why your husband died when he did, but at the same time, you are only separated for the remainder of your mortal life. If you exercise your faith in God as often as you can, you will see blessings pour into your life more than you ever imagined.
Of course, it will hurt for some time, the loss of your husband, but it is only a temporary arrangement. More to the point, Heavenly Father doesn’t want you living in sorrow and anger the rest of your life. If you turn your back on him, how will he be able to share the love he has for you? How will he be able to help you through this dark time if you want nothing to do with him? You are not the first to go through such a hard trial, nor will you be the last. Perhaps someday when you pass this trial full of faith in God, you will be able to help other sudden widows through their own trials.
I don’t know specifically how to answer your sincere question, but I know that Heavenly Father has the answers you need. The only answer I know you need to hear is this; get back to church promptly. Heavenly Father is the best and only source for peace of mind and wholeness of heart in this situation. It may take time, but you’ll soon see that Heavenly Father always keeps his covenants with those who are faithful to him and his will.