Dear Gramps,
I am the mother of a 15 year old daughter. She has a 15 year old male friend who comes from an LDS home that has VERY strict rules and dominating parents. Because of various issues at home, her friend feels his parents don’t love him and he says they are always putting him down…calling him a failure…an embarrassment, etc. Because of this family situation, her friend is extremely unhappy (he considers himself depressed) and has rebelled against the rules and made some very bad moral choices. Recently during a “ask me anything”discussion, he was very open with my daughter and told her what he has done…THANKFULLY, my daughter is very open with me and we have discussed his situation together. We have read the EFY pamphlet and I have printed out many of your previous answers on morality, repentance and forgiveness. I don’t want to be judgmental and push this young man even farther away but I am very concerned for him! I have encouraged my daughter to encourage him to seek council from the Bishop and go through the appropriate process of repentance, if necessary…which she has done. His response was that he doesn’t trust the Bishop as he is a close personal friend of the family and he’s afraid his parents would ultimately find out what he had done. So he just “works on repenting directly with the Lord”. This young man passes the sacrament each week and will be attending a youth trip to the temple this weekend and I am afraid for his spiritual well-being if he keeps doing things that require spiritual worthiness…when he is not worthy. I just don’t know what to do… I don’t think taking what I know to his parents could possibly end in a good way…and I don’t think going to the Bishop with what I know is right either. Do I continue to stand by and just be there with support and encouragement (and lots of prayers)…reminding him what he *should* be doing?? Is it right for me to sit by with what I know and do nothing?? For how long? What kind of an example is that to my daughter?? Not only am I concerned about his spiritual well-being, but I already know that he plans on dating my daughter when they are both able to do that next year and, because I know what I know…I don’t think I could allow that to happen knowing that he refuses to seek council from the Bishop.I don’t know that I can trust him with my daughter. Am I right…am I wrong?? HELP?? I need advice!!
Concerned Mom
Dear Concerned Mom,
How would you like it if you daughter’s boyfriend’s parents went to the bishop and came to you to complain about the behavior of your daughter? It would be well for you to leave that matter strictly alone. It is none of your business. However, I would suggest that if you don’t approve of your daughter’s boyfriend’s behavior that you encourage your daughter to find someone else to be friends with. She could tell him that she likes him a great deal, but she plans to be married in the temple, and therefore she will only go out with boys who are temple worthy.
Gramps
