Question
Dear Gramps,
I’m the only member of my family. I married a nonmember 30 years ago and he and my two adult children have never joined the church. I’m so tired of members telling me I have no chance of exaltation, I’m suffering the consequences for my actions (when things are bad in my life) and constantly being told I have no chance of making it to the Celestial Kingdom even though I’m endowed. Is this true? Why stay active? I’m tired of being treated so poorly.
MoS
Answer
Dear MoS,
I am deeply saddened by what you describe. I pray the Spirit will guide me as I write and you as you read so that you can find peace and confidence in continuing to live the gospel.
If others are saying to you specifically, that you have no chance at exaltation, they are exercising unrighteous judgment as described by then-Elder Oaks in a BYU Devotional, “Judge Not and Judging“:
From all of this we see that final judgment is the Lord’s and that mortals must refrain from judging any human being in the final sense of concluding or proclaiming that they are irretrievably bound for hell or have lost all hope of exaltation.
You may find some comfort through this talk as it helps you to understand that only the Lord has the right to make such a judgment. Even you and I cannot make that judgment of ourselves. So long as we live, we should have faith in Christ and keep striving to follow Him.
If, however, you are perceiving this judgment as Church members talk generally about the requirements for exaltation, please be more forgiving and patient both with them and with yourself. Give them the benefit of the doubt. We are to teach the ideal – the new and everlasting covenant of marriage – even though not all will have the opportunity to enter that covenant in this life. This covenant is indeed required to enter the highest degree of the celestial kingdom (see D&C 131:1-4). We teach this ideal even though not all will have the opportunity for it in this life. Teaching the ideal is not meant to condemn anyone, only to encourage us to strive for the ideal, including preparing for it whether in this life or the next.
Further, please consider exactly what D&C 131:1-4 says. It says that the new and everlasting covenant of marriage is required for entry into the highest degree of celestial glory. That means there are two other degrees of this kingdom that do not require marriage. That you are not sealed in the temple to your husband will not keep you out of the celestial kingdom.
Many have lived and died without the opportunity to receive baptism and temple ordinances for themselves. Not all will have the opportunity to enter the new and everlasting covenant of marriage in this life. That you have married a non-member does not automatically indicate that you had, or might have had, the opportunity for a temple marriage and rejected it. That your family has not yet accepted the gospel does not mean they never will. These things are not for me or any other person to judge. Further, to judge that your husband will never accept the restored gospel is another form of unrighteous judgment. It is rejecting the Lord’s power before He has declared His work complete. So long as we live, there is hope for the Lord to do His work in our lives. And even in the spirit world, that work continues. Please do not give up just because you cannot see the way – God sees what we cannot.
Now, I wish to share with you some quotes from prophets and apostles, all to the effect that no blessing will be withheld from those who keep their covenants with the Lord to the end. As you read them, I encourage you to ponder your own covenants and recommit yourself to living your covenants to the end. Most of these will speak of those who had no opportunity to marry at all. I am not willing to say that those who married non-members are automatically disqualified from the same blessings as those who did not marry – only the Lord can say that, simple statistics show that not all members have the chance for a temple marriage, so please consider that there is reason to have faith that these promises can apply to you.
In the October 2024 General Conference, Elder Gong in his talk “Holiness to the Lord in Everyday Life” related this story:
A sister does her best each day, after her husband was unfaithful to her and the children. I deeply admire her and others like her. One day while folding laundry, her hand on a stack of garments, she sighed to herself, “What’s the point?” She felt a tender voice assure her, “Your covenants are with me.”
MoS, your covenants are with the Lord. Keep them. Trust Him.
But what of the many mature members of the Church who are not married? Through no failing of their own, they deal with the trials of life alone. Be we all reminded that, in the Lord’s own way and time, no blessings will be withheld from His faithful Saints. (“Celestial Marriage“, by then-Elder Nelson, October 2008 General Conference)
Those who wonder if their current circumstance or condition cuts them off from eternal life should remember that “no one is predestined to receive less than all that the Father has for His children.”
No blessing will be denied the faithful. President Lorenzo Snow declared: “There is no Latter-day Saint who dies after having lived a faithful life who will lose anything because of having failed to do certain things when opportunities were not furnished him or her. In other words, if a young man or a young woman has no opportunity of getting married, and they live faithful lives up to the time of their death, they will have all the blessings, exaltation and glory that any man or woman will have who had this opportunity and improved it. That is sure and positive.” (“The Plan of Salvation: A Sacred Treasure of Knowledge to Guide Us”, by Elder Robert D. Hales, October 2015 Ensign)
Those who do not marry or those who cannot have children are not excluded from the eternal blessings they seek but which, for now, remain beyond their reach. We do not always know how or when blessings will present themselves, but the promise of eternal increase will not be denied any faithful individual who makes and keeps sacred covenants. (“The Witness“, by President Boyd K. Packer, April 2014 General Conference)
Some who are listening to this message are probably saying, “But what about me?” We know that many worthy and wonderful Latter-day Saints currently lack the ideal opportunities and essential requirements for their progress. Singleness, childlessness, death, and divorce frustrate ideals and postpone the fulfillment of promised blessings. In addition, some women who desire to be full-time mothers and homemakers have been literally compelled to enter the full-time work force. But these frustrations are only temporary. The Lord has promised that in the eternities no blessing will be denied his sons and daughters who keep the commandments, are true to their covenants, and desire what is right. (“The Great Plan of Happiness” by then-Elder Oaks, October 1993 General Conference)
These are only some of the quotes on this same topic. And you can see that there are both recent quotes and older citations. Please do not give up on our Savior before He declares His work complete!
Please try hard to forgive any who have exercised unrighteous “final” judgment. If you feel it appropriate, point out the things I’ve referenced. But don’t let others turn you away from our Heavenly Father, the restored gospel, or your covenants.
MoS, I encourage you to plead with the Lord for peace in this matter. Plead for the Spirit to fill your life. Study and follow the teachings of President Nelson, especially his General Conference talks. Repent and forgive. Attend the temple often to renew and remember the covenants you have made with God. Then return home and live those covenants so that you can be an example to your family of the peace and joy the gospel brings, and so that when the time comes, you will be worthy of every promised blessing. Do not give up on the Lord. He is mighty to save. Remember what President Nelson told us in the April 2018 General Conference: “Our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ, will perform some of His mightiest works between now and when He comes again.”
Gramps
