Would one be honoring their parents by submitting to their abuse?

Question

Dear Gramps,

My siblings and I have lived a life of physical and mental abuse from our mother. Some of my siblings feel that if they do not continue to let her abuse them that are in violation of the commandment that states “honor your mother and father.”  Although I do not harbor bad feelings I do not think that I am in violation like some of my siblings think I am. Please give me some direction on this subject. Thanks.

Elizabeth

Answer

Dear Elizabeth,

What if one’s parents asked their child to rob a bank? Would it be dishonoring mother and father not to do it? Should one be thrown in jail for honoring their parents? One honors the parents by reflecting righteous behavior, not by doing felonious things because it is the will of the parents.

Similarly, it is perfectly honorable to protect one’s self from abuse by anyone, including an unrighteous parent. Such abusive parents will certainly be judged by the Lord for their wicked behavior. If we continue to let such parents get away with abusive treatment we are reinforcing them in that activity, and therefore contributing to their unacceptable behavior. In a sense we would become accomplices to their actions and could possibly share in some of the blame. If we truly would love such a parent and want to help them we would not tolerate one instance of abuse. Perhaps that would help them to learn to overcome their problem.

Gramps