Question
Dear Gramps,
I moved to Farmington exactly 7 months ago, and I am really sad about it. I miss my old friends, school, and gymnastics place. I am miserable here, and I am usually weird at school (not the bad kind, just funny, outgoing type), but lately I have been down. How do I get over it and finally be happy about it (don’t tell me to just be happy, please)?
Celeste
Answer
Dear Celeste,
Life if quite often rather hard to figure out. It’s usually opposite to our natural inclinations. For instance, you’re unhappy about moving to a new place because you miss your old friends and the familiarity of your surroundings. Those are the things that are naturally on your mind, and they are calculated to make you unhappy. The Lord said, “He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it” Matt 10:39. What that means in one perspective is that he who concentrates on himself will be unhappy and he that concentrates his attention on others will be happy. So the real way to find happiness is not to look for it–to sublimate or forget about how you feel and concentrate on trying to make others happy.
Look first to those who are obviously unhappy–the ones that you see around you that don’t have many friends because of physical problems, personality problems or whatever. Treat them kindly; greet them, speak to them, engage them in conversation. Show some interest in who they are and how they feel. They need your attention and your help. They feel like you now feel, but this has been a chronic condition with them.
Next, be alert for any temporary needs by your piers who seem to have it all together. One never knows what pain exists hidden by a positive outward presentation. And we’re talking about little things–a smile, a hand shake, a question about how they’re feeling. Show interest in and concern for others. The upshot of all this is twofold– 1) By forgetting yourself in the service of others, your own concerns about yourself will die away. 2) You will make new friends and find yourself involved in new activities that will more than replace the things that you miss from where you lived before.
Gramps
